Monday, May 30, 2005
Ahh haven been blogging for so long due to chinese o level...finally its over...studied my pants off for this stupid thing n den have to screw up by forgetting two of the words that are tested...wad a bummer...did my paper today n was very very tired during the exam...slept for onli like how many hours for the past two days...cant sleep wif all the words running about in my head...damn it i hate my sis she is a bitch man...she ate my chocolates,drank my nutrisoy when i specifically told everyone NOT to touch my food n stuffs...ruin up my protein intake for a few days as i have to readjust n buy back my stuff...dis is a very bad time to do so especially when my protein had finnished like for one week ago n now im in serious need of it...bloody cow...hate her man...gonna find a way to screw up her things one way or another...
Been selected to be a leader for the cohort seven camp weeee!!!my initital partner was suppose to be hui yu but she cant make it n den it changed to xiao jun now...both of us r now the official group leaders of group 3 ( i choose group three cause i was also previously from group three :D ) met the group memebers on friday although when reach nacli(the camp site) there might be changes cause the group memebers aint finallise yet...we had ice breaker on friday n we played games like whacko,broken telephone n sang songs dance n basically had a lot of fun...the bad thing to it though...i split my jeans on friday during the activities n dunno when...wa so malu lor...it was onli when debrief time den i found out den like wth...jeez...
Went gym today after the paper to do chest n biceps...yay chest finally the stupid bench press can do until at least 12.5 on each side...yes it may seem little especially when compared to felix n myren they all who r like doing 20 on each side but hey there has been an improvement n im gonna work harder on it...however when it comes to the dumbell press dunno y do at katong like better than doing at kallang as can do heavier,more steady,n form better...maybe its the squarish shape of the weights at katong that makes it very nice for me to use ba...next time do chest will stick to katong den...biceps today did onli three excercise cause didnt realli have much energy left to continue on the rest...damn stupid right arm can curl 10kg but when it comes to the left arm...arghh hate my freakin unbalanced weak left arm...damn it...this sux i can do more than wee hao n yet he is like bigger than me...wth so unfair...or izzit because i didnt take enough protein or food to grow so no matter how much i train still not good enough??shall go n ponder over dat then...
WAS feeling quite well during the after noon maybe its because of randall's bombay saphire (47% alcohol) drank two shots of it after the paper thus maybe got a lil light headed but hey its a good feeling =) den i have to get played out while i was talking on the phone...somehow dunno y the opposite party just hang up on me after talking for a while just like dat out of the blue...i called back n was rejected this time...wth...never mind den if dis is the way its gonna be so be it dun want to talk can just say rite?Sigh like wad the heck its not like im gonna be gettin anything out after waiting on so its like...i dunno...always i try but not good enough...its just not right...always im giving in...trying so hard to improve but for some reason it never is good enough...forget it dun feel like bloggin anymore...have a stupid splitting headache dat has been wif me for almost a week...damn it...hurts like shit wif the hammering at the back of my head...think i go take a nap n catch up on my sleep time n let time heal wad is left of my already broken heart...zonk out....
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Damn it im in a angry mood now...came home after gyming n my grandma had to crap a whole lot on me...some dumb ass guy who know my dad came over to my house n wanted to collect some crap ass document thingy...i dun know wtf is he searching for so i told her i dunno n ask her to wait till my younger bro bathe finnish n ask him...told her dat like three times dat i dunno but she keep insisiting that im lazy n all but wth i dun even know wad the stuff is on so i blew it up n shouted back at her n now shes crapping even more...damn it came home and this sort of nonsense have to greet me in the face just like dat...y cant i come back into a home dat is more like a normal home??Parents dat have problem wif everything i do...everything i eat...everything i have...siblings that r just pissing me off most of the time...a grandmother that is too overprotective who dun understand me...isist really dat hard to havea normal family?!
Stupid chinese o lvl is comming even nearer n nearer...damn almost everything in the world now...pissed off at so many ppl..so many things...so many bullshit nonsenes dat is going on..life is so f**ked up around now...or izzit jus exam stress dat is driving me nuts??Felix n myren keep saying im like so small n all...wads the bloody use of saying that now??I cant help it that i was borned dat way damn it...now dat im doing something about it can u all just lay back on all the talk n help if u want to...i am doing my best now to get as best as i can but just because u all may have started off differantly u dun have to keep rubbing it in my face everytime...because im small dats y im training to become bigger n stronger...so dun just keep telling me things dat aint gonna help me dat is just pissing me off...
Im angry dat my mum now have this all new plan to take more of my pocket money to maintain the food dat im eating nowadays such as the milk n bread stuffs...wth like dis im gonna be so damn broke liao how to even survive??Isnt it the parents duty to give the child nutrition till the child grows up n i thought all parents want wads best for their child??If dat is the case den y cant they just provide me wif the food n nutrition dat i need so dat i can be at my best at least??Im not asking for too much just dun have to reduce my already limited allowance...
Y cant the world understand how is it like to be living the lifestyle of me...ppl who think they know me or INSIST they know it n im just stubborn r the ppl who really dunno me...dun be so fast to place a label or judge me...im not who u think i am...dun think im gonna be like da rest...
Saturday, May 14, 2005
Just realised some things that has been happening n found out the reason n the results of them all...guess like im not the onli one changin along...others around me r doing the same so maybe they can understand me now too...ppl like felix haiz...ur decision has already came out long time ago...no matter wad u say i could already see it comming...u claim its not true but the answer has been in u for quite a while already...u just dun want to look deeper n find out the truth n face it...be it the fear of complications or fear of the unexpectancy u will have to make the choice by urself...no one can really do anything bout it...dun drag things on if possible is the best advice i can give...dun end up like a familiar situation when it boils down to having to wait for a long period of time n trust me...during that freakin period of time it will suck more than dieting or studying for exams...
Some of my other frens r more fortunate n r getting along wif their life so much better...one could almost say that i envy them for leading their carefree lifestyle dat dont have to worry so much about other ppl n wad is going on...
To meryl: hope i didnt play too much of a lampost again today as usual...but trust me it wasnt my idea to come up between u two...jz didnt tell me dat u were coming i swear!!until i ask him n found out myself den i realli didnt wanted to go n be xtra...yet jz made me go n although i gave so many excuses in the end he still drag me go... -.- real sorry den...just hope dat things between u two will get more smoothly n eventually get the desired results dat u seek for...jz can be sometimes a bit blur n dense at times so u will have to take more of the initiative if things are gonna work out...some lil advice to u dats all..
I find it a lil dumb to be giving ppl advice...y can i onli help others but when it comes down to myself i just cant seem to do anything right for myself or to give myself any good advice...i guess is that helping others is easier cause when u r not in it u can always take a step back n look on the larger picture compared to when u are being inside the situation urself n face the problem directly...Even so i guess dat i want to help others wif their problems is cause i hope dat through solving their problems i can find a better way for myself n use it to solve my own delima...however sometimes helping others doesnt help or count for nuts cause i had ppl calling me busybody n names like dat for just helping out a fren...i cant blame dem for doing so but dun worri if anyone whom im helping dun want my help just say it den...i will do nothing bout it from den on...the saying that good guys always come in last do fit in these sorts of senario though...
Still cant really figure out who that person who left those unpleasant messages on my tagboard is...whoever u r i just hoped u will stop it...dis is asking in a very nice way already...dun make things worse n when it gets ugly dun blame no one for not giving u the warning...
Its funny though last time when i first started to go to gym was very not use to the amount of pain n aches that will follow on wif after training...however now its the direct opposite...without feeling the pain or ache i will be a lil uncomfortable now cause body had grown so use to it already...last time used to just concentrate on finnishing the sets of excercise n call it a day but in the process of dis i found out that i tend to do a sloppy job which doesnt yield results...its time for a change to concentrate more on the quality of the sets than the quantity...yes i know dat there is no way for easy way out to getting bigger but wont it be great if there realli is...
-Dream away-
Friday, May 13, 2005
This is highly unregular but hack decide to post again today...dun want to add on to my previous post cause it will just make it seems wierd...still hoping that there is a way for me to train an achieve a faster result way way faster...like no result other than the increase in weight after like one month of training...sianz...have decided to increase biceps n triceps intensity tml when train...better to pain for a short while n get the results den to train for a very very long time n see nothing...still feeling a bit ticked off from the saying dat im weak n wont grow anymore...dats some bloody crap dat i hate hate to hear...im gonna do it n prove to those assclowns who dun believe dat i will achieve it...for the impossible to happen there must be two factors...dreams which i had already n the determination to reach for the dreams...will get my determination n show everyone dat i am not weak!!
I appologize for my coldness towards u...but sometimes its realli very very hard to pretend dat i didnt see or hear something dat i dun wish to know...knowing bout others n wad dey do r not suppose to affect me but its always much easier said den done...when ur in my position den can anyone realli understand how its like...sometimes u realli make me feel very happy...but there r still the so many times dat i suffered for those lil happiness...im not complaining bout the sufferings...im just stating the reasons y there is a slight change recently...u might not fully or ever will understand it but its just something that i dun want to have to go through always...wished dat things were simpler...but life is never simple so guess i will still have to endure it den...sighs...
Realli need to find a person to train wif dat is around the same standard or slightly better than me...it realli helps if there is the competition between two person so that one will push himself even more than he normally does so that he will not lose out...no matter wad u say felix i still believe dat having another person to train wif me is realli gonna help...but the problem is there is no such person!!!willy n wei hao r very inconsistent training partners who have their own differant ways n level of determination to go through...sometimes if one of us slack end up draggin all down...must find one that is very determined so i can also change for the better...god send such a person to help me plz...
Chinese o lvl paper approaching very fast wif each days dat tick by...getting pressured n stressed again...shits...plus gettign back results which i know some r very unpeasant on monday...die liao...my dad say dat if there is any red marks on my report im screwed...dang i already know somehow dat there r gonna be some subjects that i totally screwed up...its too late now...sighs i guess i should make full use of the time now to get myself prepared...*gulpz*
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Wth is going on now...first of all some silly nonsense thanks to felix using my phone to send some lil message to his phone den his mum saw...now she thinks i and felix r GAY!!! WTF!!Oh man come on get real...just because ppl hang out wif dem often doesnt mean that they have to have something going on between them...those msg i swear on everything in the world from paul's stupidness to bill gates richness dat I AM NOT GAY!!now so paiseh sia somemore this morning called both felix house n hp den his mum picked up!!!jeez wonder wad shes thinking now...
Like i dun have enough problems in my life already as it is pretty much screwed up...whoever dis new bugger is dat tag those nonsense in my tagboard better scram or just tell me straight in my face wads his problem wif me...fags who dun dare to use their own name n just scold others...go screw ur self man...so wad if im weak??dats the blood reason y im training now...if im weak n i dun do anything bout it den there is a reason to insult me...but when im actually doing something about it other than u who is just crapping about it whos the weaker one now??ppl train so that they will not be weak...the strong train so that they can become stronger...this is how it goes...if u have a problem wif even understanding dis logic y not u just ask santa claus to come by next christmas n drop u a brain cause i dun think u have one..
I dun care who u r...stronger or wad u dun come n mess wif me u jerk...im having a VERY VERY bad time as it is already...dun need the likes of u to start popping up...wad i do wif my life is none of ur business...i break my legs so be it...i die so be it...but before u nose into my business first go take care of urself n cure urself the habit of poking ur nose into place where u r not suppose to be in..
Needless to say im in a very bad mood now...no surprise wif all dis crap comming out...sigh...life was so much easier last time when everything was just plain black white simpler...but the world has change n now its all like dis...jealousy,anger,frustration,pain,confusion,doubts just keep surfacing n destroying a person's life...wad kind of life am i leading now i dun even know myself...to further trust or to hope is dat wad im suppose to continue to do so??
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
The whole word is F**k up man..exams have just ended but chinese o levels is like two weeks n approaching..everyone i know is getting selfish n more self centered...wad is going on or issit just me??Brother n sis are pissing me off like mad...ask dem to lend or do something is like asking them to jump into hell or something...f**k them den...next time they want something from me or ask for my help they can jolly well lie on the floor n just die or something cause i WONT help noone anymore...being a good guy always makes u end up last...doing things for others never get u nowhere nowadays but trouble..im sick of dis crap ass routine...who cares anymore??
Used to think dat all is fine n i had already done all i could so should have at least a lil results...but hey wad do i know im wrong again n nothing i ever done is ever good enough..always getting compared to everyone else in the world for dis n dat...cant they all see dat no one is perfect??The onli perfect person i know is paul...n dats cause he is a perfect fool...other than dat no one is perfect yet everyone expects something out of u...dey might not say it out but somethings do not have to depend of verbal communication to say so...
Screwed up my entire prelim one...fuck care bout it...wad else can i do its already over...went to gym today n damn it for the first time ever i went there n could not even concentrate properly n do finnish my sets...did less than half way then gave up doing anything n just stop...cant do properly when mind is preocupied n body is physically tired...felix say i would have broke my legs if i didnt do the hex squats properly n luckily i didnt break them...sigh wad a horrible day wif horrible thoughts running about through my mind...
They say trust cannot be given unless its earned...how can i trust a person den unless its earned den??No point in just believeing in words anymore nowadays...realli...things are changing so much so dat when ppl say words to u how many times have it all turned out to be lies??Lies and deciet can hurt a person but how many ppl know how its realli done??
Spent a lot of time on my way home today on the bus just thinking n i mean realli serious thinking..ignorance can be bliss sometimes n dis are times where i wish it applies...ppl always ask for the truths but wad they realli seek is to hear wad they want to hear but not wad is the truth...they onli say they want to hear the truth cause it onli makes things sound nicer...den y do dey even want to bother wif it in the first place???
Physcially-->lousy
Mentally-->weak
Emotionally-->confused
Life-->sucks!!
Saturday, May 07, 2005
WA!!!my whole body is in great pain sia...did chest n abs yesterday n now still feeling the slight effect of the chest still pain but abs pain like hell man...bend down or laugh can feel it liao wa pengz...woke up dis morning n tried to situp from lying down n found dat i could not even do dat!!omg den when i tried to search for my phone my chest felt the strain from yesterday's workout...jeez knew dat the day was going to be physically tiring one for me liao...went to meet sochenda in da morning to eat breakfast at paya lebar mac n to study a lil geog...did some lil notes on geog but found that most of the stuff all i need is to read n i kinda can remember liao so didnt realli do until intense studying...went to bugis after that wif her to shop for her mother's day gift n got keep getting constantly reminded to buy my mum a mother's day gift...in the end when my sis took my mum out to eat to celebrate mother's day n i have to chip in the bill too as part of my share...ahh already very broke liao paid my eldest sis the fifty bucks i owe her just yesterday n da day before had to pay another twenty bucks for my replacement sim card thanks to the unkown idiot who stole my phone n cause me now to have to use my bro's old dumb phone...
Walked about in bugis for a very long time n i can dare say we walked finnish the ENTIRE bugis junction liao...saw dis addidas shirt dat looks quite nice but cost thirty five gold but broke now n cannot buy sob sob...guess like have to wait until after my exams den save up to get it liao...had to save to buy supplements soon too so guess like im gonna need to do so biug time saving for me to have enough gold to spend...went to gym after that n did arms n legs...arms r still hurting a lil from yesterday but still force myself to do...went to gym all by myself today so was quite happy dat i managed to do my sets all by myself without anyone's help though concentration today needed was so much more n sweated like nuts especially when i did legs...man after doing legs get up from the last machine the leg extension n feel down to the floor cause my legs gave way... -.- had a super hard time putting on my pants while changing n have to sit on the bench to change...my arms are also so sluggish dat i struggled for like 2 mins just to get the dumb shirt off me!!!needless to say i was late in meeting felix at marine parade library to study so he left liao when i reach there...read a lil comics cause realli cannot focus on studies when i can barely walk n bend...
Reach home feeling very hungry so went to ate bread cause my sis brought my mum out for dinner so didnt cook...ate like 7-8 slices n finnished up 2 glasses of milk den have to go buy more liao...ahh for those who dont train will find it hard to ever understand the pain n fatigue sia....its so bad dat it seems like ur legs cannot walk,stomach cannot bend over,chest n arms very sluggish...den tml still have to do shoulders sia...after that gonna rest on monday liao n concentrate 100% on chinese...four more days to go to end of exams...just a lil more...sigh....now going to study geog liao must try to finnish by tonite den sleep n wake up early in da morning to do chinese....wad a mental torture its gonnna be studying X.X
Friday, May 06, 2005
Sigh not a good week for me this entire week...had exams like mad n most of the papers i find all like just screwing me up big time...guess like this shows that i need to work harder to prepare for my o lvls...didnt go to gym for a long time liao thanks to exams...damn it...some ass clown stupid moron STOLE my phone!!!Bloody hell its not as if my phone is worth dat much or very good like dat...tmd now i have to pay twenty bucks to get back my replacement sim card n now all contacts list is gone...shit it!!!Let me find the person who took my phone n i am gonna beat some sense into him for stealing MY things!!!Lucas n felix's phone was also stolen n poor felix haven told his mum yet cause he will get into major trouble for dat...most prob his mum wont get him another phone sia...haven been to gym for a lone time liao...last time went was on monday...feeling weaker n weaker by the day without training n not use to comming home not feeling the pain n all so today after the crapping chem test which i dun care anyway...went gym wif felix,myrn n wei hao...did chest n abdominals finally can do until pain...although i dunno y today came home chest dun realli hurt that much as the last time dat i went to do...must be not enough...next time must increase damn it...stommach hurts from doing the incline thingy...wth seems like im doing so little comparing to felix they all so have decided to do abdominals every other day...
Funny thing that happened today was dat wei hao went into the female toilet by accident today!! HAHA he was like following these three gals whom have seen going to gym quite a few times in the cafeteria n thought that the door they went through was the exit...haha it turned out to be the female toilet n he was utterly embarrassed!!He ran out n made us all leave in a hurry cause he super embarass while the rest of us were laughing too hard :D (although laughing my stommach also pain like dis but cant stop myself) suppose to go marine parade library to study but last min change den went wif felix to hougang mac to meet panda n study...was very tired when i reach there so i tried to sleep a bit first but keep getting disturbed...tmd...in the end finally got a bit of nap time in between before i finally start to do my geog...felix n panda was making a big commotion n stuffs so i just blasted music n try to tune them out while i do my geog...suppose to be go there study den end up i study den they not studying.. -.-" went home after doing a bit till like five thirty cause dun realli feel like studyin anymore..too exhausted...spent time doodling on paper left a mess as usual before leaving...
I am physically,mentally n emotionally exhausted now dat the week is comming to an end...planned on studying massive during the weekends n gyming till my arms fall off n legs drop off...emotionally...have nothing much to say...wad else is there??wad can i do??i dunno n have no clue...leaving it all up to wadever anyone sees fit to do wadever they want liao...cant be bothered wif the world anymore...let wadever comes, come den...