I have decided to take away the previous uncompleted post bout the chalet thingy as i dun think i will go about to completing it anyway n i dun see the need to post about something that seem just like onli a distant good memory when now its seems so unreal...to be able to just unwind n be carefree...
I cant do anything to help n i guess im not really good for anything den...just go on n do ur stuff n i wont bother u den...its the least i can do now...
Darwin has started to join in going to the gym...its good to have another fren to go train wif but this also means more pressure on myself in having to be able to be better than him since i started off earlier...sigh life is one long race wif stupid bumps n pauses along the way...
Oh n i just went to get a haircut but because my hair too short for the hairstyle i want the person haev to kinda "repair" my hair first n den i have to give it time to grow so now looking very wierd...sigh oh well nvm den im not going to be seein anyone for a while anyway so i guess it shouldnt matter...
Once again when i think that there is a glimmer of hope n chance for me it is dashed again...to be feeling so happy for the past few days but den to suddenly just drop to being hurt once more...i have already express my feelings for u through words n actions but i guess im still not worthy for u...i let myself be fooled n toyed wif until in the end im still on the losing end...
I thought that today was going to be a good day where i will be able to enjoy the time spent together but unfortunately u did wad it takes to make sure it never happen...i was bein myself at the startin but u jus dun seem to like it or acknowledge me being there...when i was by ur side u would den go off wif others n leave me there...i try not to feel hurt at first that when im makin n taking the initiative to start things at first these sort of things happen as i thought maybe after a while it will stop...but it didnt...everytime i do something the same thing happen till i totally just lost hope n gave up all together...
I realised dat u onli came to find me n ask bout me when u had enjoyed urself or when the people u r wif r like not wif u den would u think of me n come to me...i have become somethin for u to fall back on n used when u need company n when u dun need me u just dump me one side without thinkin...i dunno wad i did wrong to deserve this but it realli hurts...it is so hurtin to be treated this way n i jus try not to think bout it throughout the whole performance...
Den u go around tellin ppl that im ignoring u n stuffs but who is realli doing wad to whom now...everyone asked me wad is goin on n all but how am i to explain to them? The girls will not understand how i feel cause they are girls n im a guy...the guys wont understand either cause they r not in my situation...it was so bad that i just wanted to call my frens n talk to them on the phone instead of just watchin the performance wif u guys...too bad my phone was low on batt n i had to endure it all by myself...
I cant sleep now being botherd by the thoughts n all dats y i came to blog instead of just lyin around n tossin in my bed in the middle of the night...its jus not fair...y is it dat everytime i try my best but i jus dun seem worthy or good enough for u...
Oh man past few days have been great!!love it sia...from gyming to swensen to...just every single bit...lets start wif yesterday at first in da morning when to gym do biceps n upper chest...biceps were ok not much to say about which is a bad thing cause dat means no improvment..booo...but chest hehe finally can see some lil improvement...last time started off wif 5kg on each side n always tio felix laughing at me how weak i was but at least now i can do 10kg on each side without assistance!!!!OH BABY!! =P my goal for chest is to be able to do 15kg on each side without assistance by the end of this year so have to work hard to fufill it =] myren lost his phone when we are leaving the gym den i was still asking him how come he is so calm n all...the next thing i knew when i got off the bus was i also lost my phone!!!wtf!!i went to cdc n met sochenda,poobalan they all n they really tried to help me find back my phone by calling my phone n searching for the interchange number so i can call to check...sochenda even sent a msg saying :"Yr wife water bag burst! Hurry up call me back.Emergency ward" @_@ haha in the end the interchange person realli called her den i had to go all the way to bukit merah interchange wif my ic to collect my phone back...
After that went for dinner at swensen zatan treat n it was so damn fun although me n soh thought we were late n didnt realli know the location so had to rush there but found out we werent the latest...in fact we were still earlier than some of the rest!!haha!ate a whole damn lot sia me n faird(tomo) even had one more main course ordered extre for us which i ate the most haha...then we had three earthquakes for our table n was so super stuffed...we had fun talking joking n eating n time just flies by so fast dat before we know it was ten plus already...we took pictures n when the total bill comes out ouch for zatan it was like 720 bucks!!!jeez talk about a heck of a meal sia...recieve lots of teasing bout ahem ahem stuffs but didnt really mind or wad...after all things that happen between us we should not really care wad others think...dats my opinion but i dunno bout urs though...had great fun though hope u enjoyed ur day as much as i did cause i know dat the reason y i could enjoy it so much was cause of u being there :)
This morning woke up at 7 to go to meridian junior college to take a look wif sochenda n chery chan...the school looks quite ok n the best part is the gym is actually quite nice sia...reminds me of katong gym n even have the cable crossover thingy sia!!second gym i see to have...shall work hard n study hard to get into the school together den lets do it!!Thanks very much for my present princess i love it =) ur the second person to give me birthday presents..first was myren n i thank u too dude shall continue to work hard trainin n not let anyone down...spent the rest of the afternoon at cdc n den have to help ivin i think dunno the name well to prepare for the drumming festival this sat so went to ite college den to bedok south secondary den finally to cdc again before comming home...ahh enjoyed today too haha n in around two hours plus im gonna turn sixteen liao hope all these happy stuffs r signs for a happier future after sixteen :)
Waa realli very long time never update my post liao so guess like its high time i do so...hmmm lots of interestin things happened recently from the before cohort seven camp to after...can still remember attending the leadership thingy before the cohort seven icebreaker n the next thing u know the camp is over liao...dats how time fly by when u r havin fun =)
I remembered that the day before camp i still train one last time of shoulders n slept at around one plus...woke up i nthe mornign at five plus cause had to meet at six thirty at mrt...was feeling very sleepy on the journey there n wad made things worse was my discman ran out of batt so cant listen to music n have to endure the whole boring journey dat lasted close to an hour...den meet up wif the rest of the group leaders and as usual there are late ppl so we ended up leaving the mrt not so early...it was raining heavily n we got drenched on our way there...after we reach there things happened very fast n soon the c7 ppl reach n the activities stared...my group was once again filled wif new faces n me n my partner xiao jun have to get to know them all over again n to make sure they mix n bond wif each other...activites followed by one after another n im proud dat my group started of as a quiet n unclosed group to a crazy,noisy n united group in the end =) yay!!!must be cause of the great leaders i think haha =P slept at around one plus two on the first night n woke up at six thirty...yawnz tired out sia but took my protein,coffee,n lots of sweets n was able to proceed on wif the next day...
Campfire was fun man the previous cohorts ppl turn up to join n i was surprised dat ppl like benjamin n even ming yi will go hahaha...we leaders performed a dance segment,advertistment,songs all by our own n we did not bad sia YAY!!!danced n enjoyed myself very much on that night n during that night we all slept late once again...no surprise at dat...woke up early again den went out for hike...ahhh sun hot hot sia very warm the whole day but nevertheless still enjoy ourselves...then it came to the sad part where we had to say goodbye to jac, n the cohort...the gals shed tears n even guys like timothy too as it was a sad time for all...we had all bonded together n did not want to let go of the bond...it was made sadder by the fact the jacq-jumping jacq our trainer was leaving nacli n wotn be facilitating anymore camps...i was feeling sad too as jacq had led two camps that i have went n i didnt want her to go too like the rest...went home tired,sad but still happy dat enjoyed the last few days of camp...
Went for some viedo course thingy the next day after gyming in the morning but was late for the vedio thingy so have to run like mad although the place is like onli five mins walk from my house...after the course went eat wif them till ten plus den go home n sleep...
I want to thank the group leaders,campfire leaders,teamleaders each forwad happen at the camp.
Xiao Jun: my partner/buddy who helped n made my group to be able to achieve wad we set out to do n bringing fun n laughter in the camp :)
Timothy: Thanks for helping out by joining in my group to help out in the activites n wif the gifts that we made last min for crazy wheezies plus the fact that the campfire that u n ivan did was great! :)
James:U were the ROLE MODEL sia for all of us even zatan said so haha so keep it up dude! :)
Shab:Ur never give up spirit on ur group had shown all of us wad u r capable of doing n plus ur musical n dance talents helped to brighten the camp up thanks! :)
PJ:Haha thanks for being a "mummy" for us all n looking after each n everyone of us n guiding us,without u cohort 7 will never be wad it is :)
Toyz:Yoz big brother thanks for looking out for all of us n helping each n everyone of us when we needed help u too made a big contribution to the sucess for the camp n it wont be the same without u :)
Ivan:Smiling guy who seems a lil gay but nvm helped to make us all laugh n created a magical campfire thanks :)
Turtle:The loudest among the girl leaders n certainly one dat is full of spirit to keep the camp going to a higher level keep going gal :)
Superstar Melise:One who is lively n brings along wif her the cute n sometimes a lil "childish" ideas wif her but dats wad makes everything fun wif wad she do :)
The two Farids:I really must thank u two guys for being so crazy n lively dat made me dare to become crazier like u guys too...without ur craziness n dariness to do all the wierd unique stuffs to make the camp fun i wont know wad it will be like without ur so thanks!! :)
Overall i loved the c7 camp n enjoyed every single bit of it but although i enjoy the camp i still spend the three days two nites missing u n thinking bout u all da time...u r never far from my thoughts...
Ahh tomorrow will be going for cohort seven camp liao...have to meet at bouna vista mrt at 6.30AM!!!!holy shit dat means im gonna have to be up like god knows how early sia...have to make sure i have a good breakfast cause i dunno if im gonna be able to maintain the same level of protein intake for the next three days two nite of the camp...packed six servings of supplement to last me three days but other than that i will have to find other means to get my protein...waaa...no chicken breast,nutrisoy,wholemeal where can i find my protein??sobs...
Oh yea man today was my last training before i can train again for the next three days n choose to do shoulders today...asked my fren ryan to come n help but he turn up like how late sia...luckily myren also there today den he also doing shoulders haha lucky me...today started differantly cuz myren said do military press first...normally will start wif dumbell press so dis is something of a differant routine...he said used 20kg for warmup set n i was like wth dat is like normally my second last set the weight n had to struggle like f nuts to do it...but myren say no...do it n i did to my surprise i can do twelve as warmup wif it while normally i cant even do the eight for my second sets...maybe its because i normally military press as second excercise den would be tired a lil by den...but after being able to do the 20kg i was given a confidence boost which i rarely get nowadays...did four sets n even up the weight to 25kg in the end n i was very happy cause today the assistance given was quite minimal i think so its good =) did dumbell press afterwards wif two sets of 12 using 10kg den another 2 sets of 8 wif 12.5kg yay!!!felt great man...maybe its cause got four gals at the gym nearby den before i started i saw dem doing shoulders n i told myself dat i must not lose out to them or its gonna be ultra humilating...they were looking as myren did his sets too n obviously i mean like look at myren sia...he is like way bigger than me n doing heavier n stuffs but dis just push me on to make sure i dont do too badly myself so i guess dats y today the form is not bad haha =P did lateral raise n wif myren pushing me today i did it till my shoulder waa can feel the burn sia...ohh baby...den did barbell shrugs( at least i think dats wad it is called)last set did 60kg n oh man does it feel good...had to rush after dat cause i was late for meeting den i had to rush my dumbell shrugs last set...but as i left the gym i was feeling kinda reluctant as i cannot train for three days...oh man this is gonna set me back sia...
Went to cdc to listen to them talk bout the campfire nite thingy n was qutie boring actually...fell asleep a few times but was woken up many times...was actually looking forward to going to cdc cause i wanted to see someone but somehow as usual when finally there n all .....lets just say the other half of me that expected wad will happen was right so i kinda got over it...lesson learnt never put too much hopes or expectation into something or else when it fails ur gonna go down like hell...lucky got gym today to keep me happy so i guess im still in a ok mood after all...found out dat protein taken wif soyabean milk is the onli way to get rid of the horrible taste n plus got more protein from the soyabean milk too!!!packed my stuff for camp already but dunno if i brought everything along a not...going to go check again to make sure all the stuff dat needs to be brought is in...guess like the next time i will be blogging will be three days later...gonna have a campfire on thurday where the seniors YA will be back...i somehow look forward to it but there is the other half of me dat tells me its gonna be something bad dat will onli cause me to be upset...well can onli hope n see ba...leave it to fate to see if its realli meant to be or not...
Ahhh haven updated my blog for quite some time liao...guess i finally got down to doing it...life has been ups n downs for me since the last entry...experienced the pits n yet still somehow managed to salvage some lil bit of happiness here n there...but those lil happiness i just realised came from trainin...other than that i realised dat i haven been able to enjoy happiness in any other stuffs...jeez wad a sad life i lead onli can turn to gyming for enjoyment...but heck nvm den after all i do enjoy building muscles now more than ever...can say there seem to be some lil improvement in being able to do more now in the gym but sigh want to see more reults sia...shall continue to work hard den...no time to slack now...wad makes me quite glad was that i got my supplement at the warehouse sale on saturday for 70% off!!!OMG!!!dats a lot for a poor dope like me sia...the orginal price of it was 126.90 but after did count become 38+!!!waa was damn happy somemore got 55servings wif each serving 25g of protein!!dats close to double of my last supplement no wonder the orginal price was also like double of my last one =D wei hao has kinda of like become my new training partner now dat willy dunno god knows train until where n when...eh willy if u want us to train u must like give us ur number or something so dat we can contact u where n when we train ma...dun say we never try to help out hor...ask u to train a lot of times wif us but u want to do it alone...well up to u den dats all i can say...
Other than gyming the happy side...things aint going so well for the rest of my lil life...not sure if im reading wad signs that keep being shown correctly...if it is really dat way dat u think of it den im realli sorry n sad dat u want it to be dat way den...the saying about wad the right guy for u wont make u cry or something...but i did made u cry before n u bring it up quite often...r u trying to say something bout it??sigh dunno in a very disturbed mood...didnt realised dat gals can be like....better not say... = looking at felix n myren situation sometimes get me angry,disturbed,depressed n worried...y must dis sort of things happen...i have always thought that if a guy like a gal n a gal like back the guy,it will be naturally right for them to get together...somehow everyone is like telling me im wrong...am i really wrong bout dat conception or r they wrong??very confused...im trying my best to do all i can again but when signs like dis are being shown at me i dunno wad to do...some from the person i like while others i watch ppl i know go through their own problems...wad am i suppose to do for things to be right??
My birthday is coming soon...sigh...another reminder that im getting old n dat o level is at the corner...somehow not really looking forward to my birthday dis month...its like when im already feeling very screwed up now in my life how can i go n enjoy my birthday??onli good thing was my mum gave me an early present by giving me thirty bucks to go buy my supplement which is very surprising for she dun encourage me to train but yet she somehow understand a lil dat training is something i enjoy although i often come home with aches n pains but i still like wad im doing...dis makes me glad dat at least my mum aint totally bad n still support me a lil here n there although i know we are not rich or wad but she still manages to gives me the lil finanicial support to allow me to pursue wad i want...this is another thing that at least maks things better for me...support from others. so i know dat they really care n not just pretending to do so like some other ppls dat i know of...
Relationships wif my frens seem to have changed...just because i start going to the gym n tend to hang out a lil more wif those who also go to the gym frens like kinda of stray away n each went their own way...i rememeber the old times when i hang out wif the differant groups of frens doing differant stuffs n having lots of fun...well things have changed n i guess we each take our own differant paths now...each wif differant intrests n veiws thus leading to wad it is today...cant say i dun miss the old times but i cant help it since life is like dat...i guess i can onli just live on wif it...
Quite sad come to think of it...being burden down by differant problems everyday...wif differant worries n thoughts...the reason for all these r due to the actions done by others that induce these thinking n thoughts...how many will understand the feeling of mixed emotions everydat? to feel happy n worried at the same time...to feel pain but still live on wif it...to have so many things going through ur life dat others who dunno wont know how u feel or how its like...to feel insecure but yet to keep on hoping...such is the way of my life n its just the way it is...i look forward to the aches n fatigue dat comes at the end of the day so i can sleep easily without having to think so much cause when a person is tired n lies on the bed...sleep comes easily....