I never thought that this would happen to me...have always thought myself to be above such stuffs but after so long of chasing dreams i woke back up into the cruel reality...love n stuffs never turn out in any way dat they are suppose to n its onli brings about problems dat just cause hurt i guess...its gonna be a long time before i guess i will ever trust my own feelings toward any girls from now onwards...5th septemeber 2005 marks it...the end of something more than friends but less than a realationship...guess its kinda obvious by now on wad im talking bout...the girl dat i have always had feelings for told me off all of a sudden dat she has lost wad feelings that she used to have n cannot see us being together...words cant describe how i felt at that moment...it was as if my world came crashin down on me...she meant more than anything else to me n i would willingly give up anything for her but it wasnt vice versa...a relationship has to be of a two sided n takes two hand to clap...wads the use if my dis hand is willing to do so but the other hand does not??
The feeling of losing something dat has already became a part of my life was horrible...i never thought i would ever shed tears for a gal before but once again i was proven wrong...although i kept telling myself to be a man n take it in my stride but still its no point lying or denying dat it hurts just so bad...months of hopes n dreams...priceless time dat we had together be it good or bad i guess it has came to an end...learnt some valuable lessons throughout this journey...some of them are like never be the fool to trust urself totally to ur feelings even if it seems so real at that moment...my first time i actually fell for a girl n it turns out to be like so craped up...maybe im just not meant for anything good to happen n i really ought to take a good view on myself n know dat i am not suited for any good stuffs...i was right from the start when we got to know each other n i have somehow always thought that i was never good enough for her...guess im right on dat count...
Wad realli hurt me the most was dat if it wasnt for the fact that the inital start was me being led on by her i would not have dared to show my feelings n now its all smashed into smitherings...i missed the times we had together n enjoy the moment spent but im not sure if i was given a chance would i still choose the same route anymore...is the pain im going through now realli worth it??How i wished i wasnt given the hope at the starting where i would den kept all my feelings to myself n wont end up getting hurt unecessarily but wads done is done...take it as a lesson learnt the hard way n i deserve it den...U offer friendship n nothin more where as i offer relationship n nothing less...how am i going to be able to see u again as a friend when we were always more than that...guess like its either i slowly get use to it which i think is highly unlikely but still a chance or its removing u from my life for good...
Im not sure if my blogg is going to be closed soon or wad...it wasnt even set up by me in the first place n if it is going to be close down den so be it...i dun have much say in it but thanks very much amanda for listening to me n being there so i could share my problem wif...guess like i should still be glad i have some frens that i can trust n confide my problems wif...dont think so much bout ur grandfather thingy n spend as much time as possible wif him den...dun come to start to miss something onli when u lose it...shall see i would be able to continue posting on this blogg or wether i have to start a new one...if it is just wait for my new address if necessary den...dun feel like writing anymore now for the moment n guess im stopping here...continue on next time if there is a next...