Promos have ended finally...now its the time again for the nervewreckin awaitn of the lousy results dat awaits me...sigh...oh wells one thing at a time ba...finally back to gym trainin again...shoots man takin too many stops on the way already...when can i ever train without havin to take the uncessary breaks?sigh...have to restart once again...!#$%^&* found out dat after promos all the ppl dat can train with still have tests n school...bleah...trainin alone places so much restriction sia...dont dare to go heavy n being burden by worries end up backsliddin n bein unable to maintain...sigh...got lots of work to do...
fellin kinda crappy for some time so might as well jus say it out...hope
U can be more understandin...dunno whether its on purpose or u realli didnt intended to...but im still human afterall k? though i have been n still is a bastard i think this sort of crappy punishment jus aint fair...please consider the fact that i have feelins...u might not have noticed it but im tellin u(n everyone out there) it exist k? im not a total coldblooded bastard
...yet.. i dont mind bein there to help out once a while but after the out of the blue thunderbolt again to help remind me i believe its fair to let me heal on my own n dont rub the salt into the wound anymore...maybe its cause of bein too close...or the jus dat u enjoy feelin wanted but without considerin others?...i realli dun understand ur thinkin...
knowin full well n yet still....feelin like jus a tool these days...somethin dat is useful for its purpose den chucked away...i dun understand it at all...n y the need to apologize for somethin u dunno, n yet still continue on?...wads an apology without meanin?...on the recievin ends of things which i shouldnt be recievin n yet i still have to bear it...y make use of someone n still lead dat person on...sigh...realli dunno wad to do its realli over my head dis time...not even gonna bother to think bout it anymore...
guess its jus a foolish one sided thing...but dats not a sin or crime so y punnish me like dat?...sigh...
Family meetin yesterday...got blasted from the moment i stepped out of the bathroom due to the reason of convertin religion...had a long heated argue/debate/disucssion basically wadever u want to call it...boils down to my family came up with this compromise: Ok can become christian...
BUT wait till my parents r gone so dat i can fufil my duties as the eldest chinese son in the family n pay last respects accordin to the chinese worship ways...sigh...how can i get across to them dat its pointless...man dont make compromises on god...who r we to do so?...ended up with a part 2 continuation 8 months from now at my 18 bday where i will be at legal age to get baptise without parent consent n when my family is gonna gather again to finalise everythin...cant believe this is happenin...god give me the strength go carry on please...Gonna have to go find a job soon...need to earn some gold for my spendings which i cant account for but jus keep increasin...bleah...gonna take this time to learn how 2 play the guitar too...lifelong learnin i guess...although a bit late start for learnin but wad the heck...somehow intersted in piano too...i guess music has become a kind of medicine to me...an outlet where can jus go into it without any crap...
Ah wells...guess i should ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE :)
afterall...it couldnt get any worse right? =X