Life is one word dat sums up everything that we are...we live for...live on...everything...In life there are so many things to do n go through...so many obstacles and problems to cope wif...is dis wad it is suppose to be??to work our ass off till in the end when its time to go we just go?...Im not going to go figure that much out...i just need to focus on wads on my hand now...words are easy...words are cheap...but many a times words can hurt u so bad dat u just wish u never lived...many ppl say things that hurt ppl...sometimes knowing it while most of the time without knowing...its at those time dat ppl get to know the real u...wad u are thinking n how u feel...i wished i never knew dat now...for the knowledge onli brings about more pain n hurt me even more...i never wanted a lot...but i guess others sees it as too much for them...others comments i can dun care but when it comes right from the source...it hurts all da way to hell man...to have ur feelings being admitted just to have it dashed again cause of doubts by the opposite..to want to show ur feelings but yet is considered just a fren...but when u dun show it u get blamed...wad is the right thing to do den?...sometimes i wonder if i would be better off keeping everything to myself n not admiting my feelings...but i dun think dat will be the right thing to do anyway...i have been brought up many times before...just to be dropped from the top all da way down smashing...each time worse den before...am i realli destined to have a fate like dis??Am i supposse to live my life going through this always??Y cant things be simple n easy like those in fairy tales...y cant there always be a happy ending??...
Getting to be very emotional dis days...feelings overun me n take over me many a times...most of it are those of anger n frustration...school gym has been closed for the forth day in a row...haven been able to go during recess to work it off...maybe dats y i have energy to spare and need to find a target to let it out on...timothy was fighting wif clement teo today...reason im not sure but just as i was walking to buy drinks both of dem started fighting in front of me...i got the best view of it all but find it distasteful the way they are fighting...scartching n grappling each other like little kids who have just learnt how to fight...i will say dat if u want to do it den do it a proper way...dun disgrace urself n others by trying to act big but end up looking dumb...learn how to fight before u go around fighting ba...went to fitness corner today cause gym was closed...on my way there wif felix n ming yi there was dis dumb ass sec three guy who was tilting the log preparing to tip it over...stupid of him to do so n i was glaring at him yet he still have the stupidness to do it...unfortuanetly there was a puddle of mud water at the base of the other side n when the log hit it the water splashed all over...ming yi gave a warning but was too late n i got hit by the mud water...at that moment i totally was damn pissed off...maybe its just wad i have been going through for the past few days or manybe is kena influenced by the fight between timothy n clement...i think i used some !#$%^&~ words n the next thing i know i went up to the guy n slapped him across the face (although i think its too soft but ming yi n felix was like saying the sound is very loud)...i believe at that time i was looking for a fight n had a good chance to vent all my suppressed feelings on dat stupid guy...that guy still can ask me wh y i slapped him like F him man...is he stupid or retarded??I tell it in his face not happy settle it den but dat cowardy bugger although wif his frens out number me two to one dun dare to...worthless shit...end up have to go try do pull ups n did some logging to take out my frustration...another chance wasted to let out my feelings...should have just bashed him over instead of taunting him wif dat slap...feeling very pissed off n in a bad m00d all da way...i think at this rate im gonna revert back to my old ways of being in primary school where i go around beating ppl up n bullying again shits...have to do something bout my temper...dun want to go back the same route dat took me so long to get out of...ming yo was commenting to felix telling him dat he should stop training me or else when i grow even stronger i might become worse n go about beating everyone up...after hearing dat i grew worried n considered wad he said...maybe he is right...will i be able to control myself if i continue to train n when im stronger than the rest will i abuse my strength when i lose myself to my feelings???Currently now i still can be keep in check cause there are still ppl stronger than me but wad will happen when i finally become strong enough to overcome dem...will i become a thug dat will go around beating ppl??i certainly hope not but sometime emotions just get the better of u...must learn to cope n control it den...
Today our class threw water bombs down int othe multi purpose court today at those playing soccer...all of a sudden felt like joing dem den ended up throwing one as well...although im ashamed to admit it but by doing so n causing them to be wet...i felt so much better taking it out on dem instead...shall not turn to doing that anymore...its wrong of me to relieve my frustration at the expense of others...had maths test this morning...did it till the time is just nice when i put down my pen the bell rang...hope i can pass dis time....dun like to fail anymore wif the prelims comming closer n closer by the day...
Shall try to concentrate on my school work n workout as much as possible in the gym to forget everything else...although the heart is hurt...time shall heal my wound n hopefully bring me back to normal...
Pissed/depressed/sad/sick