Everyone normally have something or someone that they hold close to n regard as most important in their life dat brings along happiness to dem...im no differant from the rest...but its not better to have nothing to start off wif den to be given a little hope but just to get it dashed in the end...the harshness of life is dat many a times many just dun understand dis point...the saying once bitten twice shy will show for how a person who had undergo through it tends to change after that..feelings become gaurded so as not to go through the same suffering of having high hopes just to be unable to achive anything in the end...im onli human...i feel the same emotions as every other person does...i do want to be happy n all but sometimes it just quite impossible wif all the supressed emotions that are kept inside...have tried to hold it back from everyone n not to show it as much as possible but still sometimes it just can be helped...frustration anger confusion...all these just surface out n just causes even more problem...used to think dat just by having the one person that can bring joy n happiness in my life will be enough...but even dat is slipping away...can anyone understand how it actually feels to be placed in this sort of situation...
Studies stress is comming up real fast wif prelims on friday...major cramming starts now...but studies comes hard wif problems n emotional heartache propping up...i guess im just a failure to be unable to concentrate n do well on wad im suppose to do...cant use the word dat life sucks...dats not totally true...maybe im just doing the wrong things in my life n screwing it up myself without knowing...life seems to have no appeal nowadays...nothing to look forward to after happiness has been taken away n is gradually gaining a distance from me...i rather take back everything i said n keep everything to myself should i know dis will happen...wished i did dat in the start so none of dis would have ever happened...guess next time i should just bottle everything up n not let anyone know den...sighs...
My career of softball after four years have finally ended today...felt a mix of emotions after the last match today...sad to leave but yet mix with happiness that made it through so far...didnt know i will feel like dis...maybe im just getting too sentimental dis days...shall see if i shall continue to play softball but even if i did it will be another new chapter of my life to start off wif again...
Gym is like the onli place i can go to nowadays just to forget bout everything for a short period of time n just to concentrate totally n taking everything out by forcing the body to perform...results are aching body but with the pain comes the gain of becoming stronger too...shall gym n forget my troubles den afterall no one in the world can understand wad im goign through...those that claims to understand r just lying cause they never do...they think they do but no...
U made me so happy but now u just leave me feeling lonely....
Lonely...Im still Lonely...mister lonely...
I have nobody
To call my own...
How dis few lines sums up how im feeling...may god take a break from screwing me up n let me lead a normal life for once...sighs...