jian's blog.

2006-11-27T04:49:00.000-08:00

U broke the news to me...n somethin else...

Cant say i never forsee it comin...

This day, this scenario everythin...

Knew its gonna happen n yet...

Y did i bluff myself?...

It has been n still is the same...

Why bother givin my comments,opinions,thoughts?....

It never realli matters...

Things have always happened this way...wadever happens i might seem in control but the truth is far from it...how many can understand??how many can relate?? no one will NEVER understand fully...onli when the feelin hits u first hand will u ever experience it...dats quite a laugh though...doubt anyone realli leads the charmed life of mine...

Had the same feelin...same as always...sigh dunno y but this "gift" of knowin when somethin bad is gonna happen...why?...why cant it be wrong for once...jus this once...

I guess im askin for too much...

gonna stop now...keyboard feels wet better not spoil it...

thinkin

2006-11-21T10:29:00.001-08:00

Sigh its 2.30 am in the mornin n i have work in a few hours n yet i cant sleep...sigh wonder y...

Maybe cuz thinkin bout someppl?

Maybe cuz worri bout someppl again?

Maybe feelin guilty for causin someppl's close one to be sufferin...

Maybe jus unsure bout myself n how im thinkin n wad im doin...

but maybe fiddlin with my new phone n cuz jus had macs n too full too sleep! =X

well i dunno...but i guess im gonna have lots of time to think/worri/reflect n realli get to know back who i once was...

P.S the Mac spicy burger was wicked tasty n i love my new phone :D somethin that has novelty to distract me ba...

appearance...

2006-11-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

sigh so many ppl who think they know it all...know wads goin on...fools...how many even know wads realli goin on?

none...

used to think dat one person did but turns out wrong...

no one...

not den, now n most prob never...

The past is somethin dat cannot be changed...

The past is responsible for the present...

The past is gonna shape the future...

One can never get rid of the past...

It always catches back up one way or another...

If dats the case y bother myself with such thoughts...

maybe experience can onli be earned thru dis way...

since wadever dat is comin has already been decided on by the past...
n im neither here or there...

tired n jus waitin for the end of days....

2006-10-31T07:30:00.000-08:00

Im realli tired now...cant realli help it but if dis is gonna be the way things keep goin on so be it...have done n said wad i need to n once again things r out of my hands n if dis is the choice so be it...im tired of everythin...tired of work...tired of school...tired of pw...tired of bein made the scapegoat n the punchin bag...tired of bein used...tired of bein or even tryin to be nice...n the list goes on...but most of all im tired of bein fooled again...

Tired of livin...wishin for all to end...

found the song dats stuck in my head...end of days...how fittin...got the translation n lyrics which basically speaks for me more den anythin else now...

listen to the lyrics n feel the emotions...
http://jay-chou.net/lyrics_view.php?a_id=3&s_id=3

end of days...end of all...

2006-10-31T07:27:00.000-08:00

end of days

cash/emotions flow....

2006-10-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

Have been workin my ass off for the whole of last week n am damn tired...money i got comes in n leave the next moment...sigh...spendin it like water sia...somethings dat took up a chunk of my gold...

1)windbreaker-$120
2)addidas jacket (gettin it tmr on reserved now)-$90
3)clothes-$90
4)more clothes dat is comin-$34
5)gonna get new shoes-$89
6)protein n creatine-$80+$40

= a lot of money gonna be spent... x.x

emotions r fast flowin...dunno whether to be happy or sad...one moment im up the next came crashin back...when will dis cycle end?...either when i give up everythin or dat im six feet under i guess...

Pw is kinda screwed up...shant mention bout it...but somethings seriously in late is gettin on my nerves n the last min screwed ups r seriously pissin me off...argh...sigh jus get this crap done n over with n the end...never want to go back to doin this sort of stuff ever again...

when in doubt do nothin...no wonder im never doin anythin i guess...

brain numb!!

2006-10-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

Bleah has been workin my ass off for the past few days...rushin here n there n still got school work to do...guilty consicence finally kicked in so decided to rush n do as much as i can for my part in the oral presentation thingy...though its most prob gonna take up most of my sleep tonight n leave me drain again for the third day in a row for lack of sleep but oh well might as well get it done n over with...aint goin school tmr shall stay home to rush it finnish n go for work den..

Work has been taxin n tirin but oh thanks nick-t for workin under ur mum gave me some experience with containers n cargo so kinda help on the first day...though it didnt help by the fact that went for HNF before dat n gymed leavin me with barely enough energy to complete the tasks...once again im reminded on how money is hard to get by but still find it hard to control my spendin as i jus blew off 120 bucks on my windbreaker =X

Though im physically tired these days n bein drained out i relish in these moments...moments where u r tired till the brain becomes numb n where all thoughts jus cease...the body becomes a machine n tool where worries no longer plague the brain...dunno where im headin towards now...all so messed up...i myself dun even know wad i realli want...or to even dare to harbour hope...

A lvl chinese is comin but haven prepared for it...shoots...gonna miss another softball trainin tmr once more due to work n most prob again on friday...sigh...sorri coach...promised i will train properly once i return...

Over the past few days had some good moments, bad moments, dubious moments, tired moments,adrelanine rushin moments, over all mixed moments...each moments leads to subsequent thoughts but buried them all by forcin myself not to think at all..."thinking can hurt your chances...n i intend to last" an extract from handmaids tale...how ironic...dun even know wad u want me to think now...

MY BRAIN IS NUMB!!!

Hope n despair...

2006-10-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hope n despair...

The extreme ends of each other...
one moment i was filled with hope...the next...
yet both of them falls on the same coin...
dont lead on or be indecisive...
Jus different sides...
dunno wad side should i even be on...

In the end...does it even matter?

a break...

2006-10-19T05:12:00.000-07:00

Finally a day to rest for once...but somehow jus cant sleep...arghh...maybe the body has already been conditioned n used to the lack of sleep?...bleah...feelin tired the whole day still even after wakin up at 10+ n going back to bed frequently in the afternoon still cant sleep...shoots wad a waste of the day to sleep in... =/ oh well had another nice lunch today enjoyed a bowl of fish soup with rice n 7 bowls of dimsum by myself woot...felt sleepier after the meal but still cant sleep?... -.-

Went to the gym in the evenin n felt great workin out (relieve a lil of the guilt of eatin so much in the afternoon :P ) had a great workout in fact...maybe cuz haven train for some days already due to work n school so it felt great to be back...ah have to fit in a new scheldue to make sure work n gym can go hand in hand...its good to have money n feel healthy haha so feelin in a better mood :)

Feel like skippin school all the way till school close next thurs though...jus want to gym n work n go for softball trainin n forget bout schoolwork for once...shall see how ba...heng wei was askin me if wanna go cut hair n dye hair @_@ purple he say...wonder wad will the reaction be if i start to have purple streaks in my hair =X no need u guys to say i already know even more beng... hmm shall see how also...but wadever...so wad if look like a beng?still dun understand the discrimination against bengs...or bengs look alike...oh well each to their own den...i mean some ppl can be like all into the bitchy rich cant do without manicure n will melt in the sun kinda shit so u keep urs i keep mine :D jus dun tell me wad to do with myself...whos livin the life after all?u or me? ITS MY LIFE so who i look like is up to me! :D

results n after...

2006-10-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

Promos results r back...suprisingly somehow managed to get thru again...other than a U for maths...the rest all passed with an E for lit, D for GP, C for history, C for econs, C for chinese....not great results but good enough to get promoted ba...not some fancy results judging by the grades but oh well given the amount of time that i actually studied for my promos im sayin not bad for me liao...after all studied like few days b4 the papers??...

Started to work at The M hotel after paul intro me who was intro by the chicken rice seller raymond of our school...well basically worked the past two days n have good times n shitty times but i guess dats jus part of the job...feels good to be able to earn my own money other than havin always to take money from my parents...too bad the job gets me all tired out n on the 2nd day was one of the worse off days where everythin went wrong for me when i spilled red wine on the table,drop food onto a customer,forget the drinks order n other stuff dat messed up my whole day...guess was too tired n all already after workin till one the day b4...nat n ian they all came on the second day to work but regretted askin them along...ah should have realised dat the pay is not worth it to them n they wont be able to cope...end up bein more worried n frustrated in the end of the day...bleah...nothin seems to go right these days when im jus burden down with fatigue...

Went iceskatin with hana they all in the mornin n after waitin like forever for bingy n ah box finally got down to skatin...2nd time i ice skate in my life n once again...the ice n my butt have some certain affinity as when hana asked me to go around with her n was holdin her hands n movin around when i went down n she was dragged down along with me landin on top of me...ahh so malu...fell another 2 more times at least once tryin to avoid a banging into a duo of dad and son but ended up with me fallin instead of them... -.- there was some filimin thingy goin on in the rink but didnt realli pay much attention to it...came back from hotel trainin n am bushed right now...

Sigh dunno wad gotten over me dis few days but once again startin to be unable to keep check of my temper n starts to get tempermental once more...maybe its the tiredness from workin n lack of sleep...maybe its the haze....but most likely maybe its jus me bein myself...sigh too tired to go think bout it...shall jus sleep it over n forget everythin...shant care bout anythin else now other den to concentrate on gettin back on my gymin n earnin money to provide for myself...shant be bothered by anymore other stuff no more...pointless,meaningless n useless...

bye bye promos...hello problems...

2006-10-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

Promos have ended finally...now its the time again for the nervewreckin awaitn of the lousy results dat awaits me...sigh...oh wells one thing at a time ba...finally back to gym trainin again...shoots man takin too many stops on the way already...when can i ever train without havin to take the uncessary breaks?sigh...have to restart once again...!#$%^&* found out dat after promos all the ppl dat can train with still have tests n school...bleah...trainin alone places so much restriction sia...dont dare to go heavy n being burden by worries end up backsliddin n bein unable to maintain...sigh...got lots of work to do...

fellin kinda crappy for some time so might as well jus say it out...hope U can be more understandin...dunno whether its on purpose or u realli didnt intended to...but im still human afterall k? though i have been n still is a bastard i think this sort of crappy punishment jus aint fair...please consider the fact that i have feelins...u might not have noticed it but im tellin u(n everyone out there) it exist k? im not a total coldblooded bastard...yet.. i dont mind bein there to help out once a while but after the out of the blue thunderbolt again to help remind me i believe its fair to let me heal on my own n dont rub the salt into the wound anymore...maybe its cause of bein too close...or the jus dat u enjoy feelin wanted but without considerin others?...i realli dun understand ur thinkin...knowin full well n yet still....feelin like jus a tool these days...somethin dat is useful for its purpose den chucked away...i dun understand it at all...n y the need to apologize for somethin u dunno, n yet still continue on?...wads an apology without meanin?...on the recievin ends of things which i shouldnt be recievin n yet i still have to bear it...y make use of someone n still lead dat person on...sigh...realli dunno wad to do its realli over my head dis time...not even gonna bother to think bout it anymore...guess its jus a foolish one sided thing...but dats not a sin or crime so y punnish me like dat?...sigh...

Family meetin yesterday...got blasted from the moment i stepped out of the bathroom due to the reason of convertin religion...had a long heated argue/debate/disucssion basically wadever u want to call it...boils down to my family came up with this compromise: Ok can become christian...BUT wait till my parents r gone so dat i can fufil my duties as the eldest chinese son in the family n pay last respects accordin to the chinese worship ways...sigh...how can i get across to them dat its pointless...man dont make compromises on god...who r we to do so?...ended up with a part 2 continuation 8 months from now at my 18 bday where i will be at legal age to get baptise without parent consent n when my family is gonna gather again to finalise everythin...cant believe this is happenin...god give me the strength go carry on please...

Gonna have to go find a job soon...need to earn some gold for my spendings which i cant account for but jus keep increasin...bleah...gonna take this time to learn how 2 play the guitar too...lifelong learnin i guess...although a bit late start for learnin but wad the heck...somehow intersted in piano too...i guess music has become a kind of medicine to me...an outlet where can jus go into it without any crap...

Ah wells...guess i should ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE :)
afterall...it couldnt get any worse right? =X

failin maths...

2006-10-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

Ah tmr is maths promos...few options for tmr:

1) Bring cushion/pillow to sleep in when paper start
2)Write 1 + 1 = 2
3)Dont go at all

which one will it be?

Life is jus so like dis...with choices yet not so many choices dat can be decided on one's own...

Happy BDAY MISS KON
thanks for takin away my book n now im gonna fail lit...

Promo period

2006-10-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

Promos have started...well jus as well dat my academic life have ended...think im kinda screwed...correction KNOW im screwed...well wad to do?take it one at a time ba...with at least 5% of econs for not handin up of siea failing my 25% section of lit total ca assignment...wow seems like its gonna take a lot for me to get promoted eh?...wadever ba shall jus do everythin one at a time best as i could at this time other den maths(thinkin of skippin paper or jus brining a cushion to sleep in cuz im not writin anythin but my name if i go) other den dat shall leave it to miracle i guess... =/

Why ask me when my opinions doesnt matter?it doesnt realli matter...not anymore i guess...

Its jus life...

bright side of life? o.O"

2006-09-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

Need somethin to cheer myself up so went along to youtube n got some laughs from this clip n the song...how ironic bright side of life??

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life... (Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...(I mean - what have you got to lose?)(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Wablahlaba (nonsense)

2006-09-17T08:57:00.000-07:00

Have decided dat from now till i feel like it shall post random/silly/non relavant stuff on my blog instead of bloggin down my life...feels kinda exposed all of a sudden with ppl knowin wad im placin on my blog when ppl like you you n you knows too much for ur own good...some things should be kept personal to oneself...for the time bein...

YOU ARE 19 year old (dat will be me)

You Are 19 Years Old
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

You Are 20% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

Wahahaa im such a NICE guy eh? :P

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerousPeople will stop and watch you when you appearEven though you're capable of random violence
You are best known for: your power
Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

Wicked...not bad sia

Your Lucky Underwear is Green

You're a total go getter who will scrape and crawl to get to the top. And your lucky green underwear will help you get there without a struggle.A fast learner, you enjoy a good mental challenge - whether it's getting your law degree or running a successful business.
Sometimes you push too hard to succeed, alienating friends and wearing yourself out in the process.If you want to reach your goals while still maintaining a full life, put on your green underpants. They'll help you slow down and enjoy life.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

wahaha guess like time to go get some greens... =P

Personality disorder...

You May Be a Bit Borderline...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...And when you're down, your whole world is crashingScary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

a seemingly meaninless day but yet somehow fun

2006-09-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

School officially reopens today sia...bleah still not used to wakin up early again in the mornin jus to get to school...suprisingly today woke up n reach school in time for the mornin assembly...hmmm lucky monday ba i guess...went thru lessons basically bein tired out n sleepy till pe where nordin is jus bein a bastard again...spendin the first 15 mins of the the lesson talkin bout arsenal n the arsenal forum on tpjc.net...though i support arsenal myself i mean come on dont waste pe time like dis though...sigh 3 cm to at least a silver sia...but he didnt let me rejump the last time so im stuck with the lousy bronze n had to do 6 rounds n go gym after dat while the silvers n gold get to play soccer after 3 rounds...bleah...haha got a free drink from raj though cuz me kelvin, pang n him race in a 100m sprint with the loser treatin all drinks so kinda gotten the drink for free :P school ended n went with nat to airport supposedly to send aunt peggy...making fun of nat n how she injured her arm well though it may seem mean but hey got the gal to laugh along n cheer up ba =)

Found Ms ZHU YANLING at the airport so wad to do?...disturb her of cuz =P she ended up playin cards with us for 1 n 1/2 hour instead of studyin hehe =X score was Yanling : 3 wins Me : 4 wins n Nat: 4 wins too ( ack we let her one la =P ) went to eat lunch after dat which is ban mian n haha was happily "helping" nat tell the ban mian lady also how she injured her arm after she asked :D thanks to nat n her paranoid thinkin somehow got me to think that there was this gay/bi guy tryin to look under our tables at us who followed us all the way from terminal one to two...freaky sia...had deserts at there n went off to meet heng wei n KIN PENG to gym...yep KIN PENG haha not a typo :P was sleepy n tired but somehow still excited to train again after 2 days of non trainin...body feels wierd without the aches i guess...

Although the workout didnt hit wad i have expected but still managed to get my body aching after the whole thing n got some good laughs while kin peng was gymin sia haha...well we all started from lightweight to at least the decent weight we r usin now...so dont dispair n feel paiseh but kin...jus have to see how much ur dedication n desire will set u apart from the rest ba...lets see wad the future holds for u n ur trainin ba haha...

wonder y ur mum asked dat all of a sudden...
sigh some things never change i guess...
wad to do? when bein me is jus like dat...

2006-09-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

Matchbox 20 - Disease

My disease...

2006-09-07T00:27:00.000-07:00

Was in the gym when heard this song though it aint a new song but it somehow gotten stuck in my head n cant get out...ack...its stuck in my head but i like it =) nice lyrics too...feelin in a wierd mood now haha head kinda floatin...(maybe cuz startin to get fever?) wadever it is i dun care blah blah...

MATCHBOX TWENTY - DISEASE
Feels like you made a mistake
You made somebody's heart break
But now I have to let you go
I have to let you go

You left a stain
On every one of my good days
But I am stronger than you know
I have to let you go

No one's ever turned you over
No one's tried
To ever let you down,
Beautiful girl Bless your heart

I got a disease Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease

Feels like you're making a mess
You're hell on wheels in a black dress
You drove me to the fire
And left me there to burn

Every little thing you do is tragic
All my life, oh was magic
Beautiful girl
I can't breathe

I got a disease Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease

I got a disease Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease

I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease

teacher day week

2006-09-02T18:26:00.000-07:00

Haha haven been bloggin for quite some time liao...guess its due to a combination of various factors such as (lazy, =p , lack of time, tired...etc) basically lazy most la... =X the week came n went quite fast but was kinda blurry for me so lets see how much i can rmb bout it...

Monday
Went to school as usual?...nordin was bein a nice guy for once i guess he let us play soccer durin SPE!! first time sia haha...soccer was crazy all of us r like anyhow playin n the score ended up 8-7 (i think somewhere there ba) with sulaiman scorin 3 goals!! woo...one of them was suppose to be the winnin one too!! lol haha scored one too while paul was lyin on the ground rolling n trying to get an oscar award for his "injury" -grins- scored thru hendro the keeper =) he was good though he saved every shot dat we made b4 dat...wicked but he left after dat den we got more chance haha =D stayed back after school i think with kenneth sim ( saikang warrior -lieutenant) n watch the rehersal in the dance studio haha both of us laugin n slackin around while the ltc ppl practicin...den we kena the saikang of fillin up water bottles,running errands where i kena scolded n snapped over some small crap n was given the f word hmmm...wadever...if u think bein in a bad mood = takin it out on me...well...wad to say? was kinda upset after dat throughout dinner with pak n nat at kfc den went home feelin in a shitty mood for a while but oh wells...move on ba...

Tuesday
Cant realli rmb much other den mainly pointin middle finger at someone...(u know who) dunno y i did it...didnt even know wth i did it for...sigh...watch the rehersal dis time in the hall after school n saw russell playing haha wicked man jus dat he was nervous n appeared quite stiff but nvm ur still da man dude :D durin rehersal nat fell down n apparently there was a pop sound when she landed n her left arm was in pain...went with suicide girl to bubble tea shop wantin to buy a drink n get a cup of ice but apparently the uncle heard dat the injured person was his fav customer gave us one bag of ice jus like dat! wow...went back help ice nat's elbow n in the process kena water on my pants...so malu sia look as if i wet myself =.=" tried to follow nat's instruction n in the end came up with a shabby makeshift sling for her arm...waited with her for her dad to come n apparently found out dat it was a fracture...ouch...erm try to look on the bright side ba nat there r some good dat came out of ur injury (not dat the injury is a good thing but u know wad i mean)

1) get 2 weeks mc !!
2)Dun have to do dishes?
3)Exempted from household chores
4)Got lots of care n concern from many other ppl
5)Free servant to help u? (guess who... -.-")

so cheer up a lil ba... =D

Wednesday
Nothin much happened other den sittin next to kenneth lee durin lit n feelin stupid thruout the lesson...nothin new though x.x went gym b4 going home n talk with ah ter for a while...been some time since we talk with each other n miss hangin out with the old 4joseph ppl sia...ahhh

Thurday
Overslept in da mornin till recieve ah ter msg dat woke me up...in the end decided not to go back maris n go straight back to school for teacher day celebration...the performance was wicked...ltc dance ppl especially did a great job congrats man! :) the teachers items were also cool too!! haha had a ball watchin...went to expo for teacher day rally after dat...had to wear the tie n blazer lookin like some toot sia...haha we came up with a group for the guys there n we became the saikang warrior ( shit work warrior) n i was the saikang commander while kenneth the lieutentant haha...we were talkin nonsense all the time n having a good time goofin off +) kena arrowed for my hair n shoes though...sigh...racist sia =P but went about with the duties havin fun although some of the teachers there can be worse den students sia...was given instruction to direct them to assigned seats but heard excuses for not moving such as:

1) need to go toilet a lot la nvm la we sit here
2)Nvm la afterwards all same one
3) I too full la cannot walk
4)I walk very long liao cannot walk anymore
5) Dun worri we will cover ur ass for u dun worry... O.o"
etc...

sigh happy teachers dat?....
Nat lost her camera though after dat n was a lil distressed...(k maybe a bit more den a lil) didnt know wad to do n am lousy with words so tried my best to make her feel better ba...didnt think it work though =/ went with she n her mum after dat to make a police report b4 catchin the last bus n sleepin my way home...guess like its a bad week for u eh nat?

Friday
Gym...went for meetin...saw a sad n unhappy nat den went home catchin the last train...hmm becomin habit sia...

Bleah basically the week jus went by like dat n b4 i know its the weekend again...(haha allowance =P) didnt realli had any major bad luck happenin to me although i guess most of them went to the ppl around me ba i guess especially poor nat...

Rainbow after the storm?....

2006-08-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

Promos are commin soon...n its real soon but the thoughts of prepartion aint even there yet...school work load never lessen but onli increase with each day...it seems like a never endin cycle now to go thru school everyday tryin to survive without gettin scolded n told off...wad a life...dunno wad im doin to my life myself...lost practically all the drive that sustain me for so long...

Once again been a bastard to some poor dude without even intendin to do so...sigh sometimes its jus unfair dat even not doin anythin one still cannot escape the fate of bastardin someone else...dun even know wad i can do to help dat poor guy...dude i realli didnt do anythin...maybe if people actually knows wads goin on den maybe they can save me from the irony of the conception of many...n when u know wad it is for me maybe u guys will start to sympathise with me instead...

Sigh uncle is in hospital in mild stroke...all of a sudden it jus happened...it never rains but pours...worries with complications n everythin to add on to my life...family quarrels tearin everythin apart...

Life was never said to be a bed of rose...mine? i guess its a bed of thorns ba...

The devil is workin to hard for my case...

Piggy

2006-08-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

Wont life be great if one can pig out the whole day...
N not worri bout the ironies of life?...

amusin day in school..lousy after leavin...

2006-08-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

Today is realli one of those rare days...where i can come to school n laugh n smile with the rest n enjoy the crazy day...how i miss these days... where fake smiles n laughter r not needed...

Haha came to school at 9.22am apparently missin out on our principal scoldin durin the assemebly n turn up when 1/2 the pe period is gone :D wicked haha...told nordin dat i cant take pe n b4 i can even think of wad excuse to give this time he said "ah ok go help me take timin den' O.o" comin from him dats wierd...found out later dat those who get silver can skip the normal pe routine of runnin n crap n do more fun stuff like soccer n other games...it is den did i recieve the news dat i got bronze cuz of my stupid standing broadjump...got a-a-b-b-c den one stupid e for standin...ahh 3 cm somemore to a new grade...wanted to rejump den nordin said i told him i cant jump today... -.- i SWEAR i dun recall tellin him dat i can jump i onli told him dat i not doin pe...he inisist dat i did n even drag bala into the convo...

Nordin: I am sure u said u cant jump just now
Me: Sir i never la realli!!
Nordin: Bala u heard right?
Bala: Yaa sir he said dat just now ( he was lyin n laughin sia!!)
Nordin: see even bala heard......bala swear it across ur heart.....
*Bala places hand on right chest*
Bala: Ya sir i swear ( laughin)
Me: UR HEART ON THE LEFT LA!

after arguin n even showin dat bala wasnt truthful cuz dat ididot just want to kena me cuz he need 10cm while i onli need 3 cm for silver...nordin didnt let me jump -.- arghh..haha but laugh shortly when heard dat nordin played an equally cool one on raj haha

Nordin: Did u run last week?
Raj: ya i did
Nordin: dun lie last week holiday where got run?!

LOL haha heard dat raj expression was damn cartoon too bad i missed it cuz i came onli in the second half of lesson... =X

Chinese lesson after recess was a riot sia haha was tryin to argue with the teacher about how unfair it is for guys to always kena even when girls do the same mistake when he was tellin us about the newspaper article where this two students was on the train n the girl rest her head on the guy n slept den the guy subsequently also sleep...some bloke took the pic n send to the principal den the guy kena suspension for a week while the girl jus need to write an apology letter... 0-o wa lao the girl was the one who rested her head first n yet she got off while the poor guy kena sia...SEXIST!!! stupid system where the guy gets the blame while the girl always get off easy..n dats not the onli point...wad in the world is wrong with the stupid bloke who took the pic?! i mean come on the two students were outside school la...like wth...bleah stupid...fabian n the short hair girl came in class today n was spastic sia their excuse for bein late...haha cracked the whole class up sia...!! Was warnin nicole to tell paul to tell paul about the article den ended up kena pinch by her...see dat she went back to her old self sia...

Maths was a bore as usual totally didnt listen since the start of the topic until now so now practically zero bout it...have to rely on divine intervention for maths for promos sia...( or talissa's help also can :P) found a pic on the table of a pig...how fittin of all picture...a pig...took some snapshots of it but cant upload to the com so cant see but after dat miss poo happily broke my nice pencil the choir ppl gave me b4 drawin a pig n say its me...goodness...wads with the connection of the animal n me everywhere?...im not dat fat...am i??

Quote from kin peng: "Jealousy breeds hate..."
Add on from bala: " n violence"
after miss poo broke my pencil cuz its green n she jealous she didnt have it..(haha ok i make up the jealousy part but it was fittin in the situation den :P)

Other quotes from kin peng : "I will let jasmine be my girl friend!!"
Add ons by bala: " But she wont let u be her boyfriend!"

cant realli rmb wad other quotes he said but there r few other classics one haha...ah well...Miss kon didnt come so there is no lit lesson today...n to think i remembered to bring my lit ca assignment den she never come...wa piang...econs after dat was feelin random so me n choi was at the back of the class makin silly comparisson with whos prettier den who n whos more handsome for the ppl in our class n got some laughs out of dat too haha..

Was suppose to do cuban missile crisis after econs but ended up bein convinced to play soccer n yay scored all the 3 goals for my side!! =) ok la cuz we was one man up against bala n choi n they didnt realli block me most of the time but heck small things can bring small joy in life too...(on n thanks drink stall aunty for sneakin us some free drinks while refillin the drink machine :D ) principal came to talk to us after soccer n once again got caught for hair...sianz...went on bout how y she have to scold durin assemebly n all n was sorely tempted to tell her ma'mm i came after 9 la..wont know wad talkin u =P Gp compre test was crap sia super hungry n cant think at all stommach rumbled loudly 2 times durin the paper...bleah...went bubblin after dat n had 6 packets of fries den after comin home went for dinner had 2 bowls of rice n slice fish soup...ahh super full...oh n pak was being super retarded sia cuz he dropped his phone down n got some dent den he went "Oh my f**kin god...wa lao...wow...nat u rock..." over n over again after nat apparently managed to cover up the dent...

Should have know the good day wont last long...didnt know dat wad i said got bala into trouble...first thing i recieve when i came back online after eating was "F**K U"... =/ real sorri man...didnt meant it serious...shits sia sounds familiar?...im forever gettin others into trouble sia...tmd..."

i guess somethings in life cant be changed...its for life ba...

suicide boy?...

2006-08-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

cuz i thought like them once..twice..a few times...
Suicide boy?
Na dats silly...y will i do somethin like dat?...
If im in the right mind dat is... =X

Saw the pic while randomly surfin...
cant say i totally understand how these people feel when they r bugged down by life n wanted the way out...though i dun agree with their ways i feel sorry for them...dat is till i thought bout my own life n feel sorri for myself!! ahh homework, promos n detention...all go away please...

bored doin lit...

2006-08-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Feelin a bit bored doin lit so take time off to put a picture of myself up =)
There panda a picture of me ( i know i not as handsome as ah ter la :P)

interestin look whos at the back..
is this considered a picture of both of us? :D haha jk

mashin up...

2006-08-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

Today was suppose to hand up my lit ca assignment n give the lit presentation for atwood...both i didnt do... -.-" the presentation part not my fault sia...i did my share for once lor...its 3 -4 pages long with the different covers in colour somemore sia...stayed back in school to source but all for nothin...last night was on the conference with talissa the brain n shannon the brain on bala's phone den had to shower n wait till my sis is done with the phone den i call back which by den they have left n done the work already... -.-" ended up talkin with bala till close to 1 am den my mum nagged me till cant take it n headed for bed leavin my ca assignment undone as it is...brilliant sia...

Came for econs lecture where i ended up listenin to music n sleepin...( Alex toh's jia gei wo ) keep listenin to it cheers me up =) lookin at paul n nicole n listenin to dat song which was sent by paul its good to be reminded of the good stuff when two r brought tgt...

Lit after recess was like bleah...

Miss Kon: " those that haven hand up the lit ca assignment go outside now..."
Me: " err mam can i present first den go out?..."

So stupid sia...malu again as it turns out im the onli one other than kin peng who is not in school who haven handed it up yet...talissa n shannon practically did the whole presentation n i was standin behind them feelin dumb sia...my contribution to the whole presentation came at the last part where i squeeze in my 3 important words : "mistrust among them" wow....wad an accomplishment...

Was wonderin y the question was popped to me so sudden n out of the blue without any reason...ahh if onli it never came... =/ den maybe i might not feel so paiseh?...or dat i would not have felt so torn by emotions n logic...

Ah well wad happened happened no changin it...will pick myself up n move on with life ba i guess...i guess it comes easier subsequently when one get used to life's disappointment...haha dunno where im headin towards will see at the end ba...

Cover up with a smile n move on...
Dun lead the unsure heart n break it... =/

nothin left not even my thoughts...

2006-08-14T06:59:00.000-07:00

It never rains but it floods....
The sudden question caught me off gaurd n threw my thoughts into a mixed confusion...how i wished i kept everythin to myself from the start...was intendin to let time determine everythin but somehow everythin was hasten n i found myself unprepared...

Problems never come alone but in groups...
Confusion rack my mind as i struggle to comprehend wad had jus happened...one moment it was sunny the next it was rainin...wish nothin ever happen or dat nothin was said...den i could lead on my life with my thoughts to myself...i never got the chance n after givin away my inner thoughts im left with onli the feelin of emptiness n coldness...coldness dat i have felt once...

Wishin my existance away...
wad else is there for me to do...need some time alone...some peace...somewhere dat i can calm the heart n soothe the mind...

screwed up time management!! the ultimate...

2006-08-13T23:20:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh the week is screwed up n its onli the first day of the week...bleah...let me list out the crap dat its install for me for the next few days... :

2) Tuesday
Lit ca assignment which is like due last friday n i haven done anything...
Lit Margret Atwood presentation which has been changed so now suppose to do the cover page n themes instead of the original epigraphs which i looked up on already..

3) Wednesday
Lit great expectations presentation due...me bala kin peng n the two brains...we did nothin yet so far...so its like...so dead...got history tutorial n my ca assignment is still not up...last in the whole cohort to hand up...im dead man...

4)Thursday
stupid GP compre test at 4.10pm-6pm n have to hand in econs SIEA by 12 oclock...

5)Friday
History cuban missile crisis presentation with me bala n kin peng once again the infamous three tgt in the smae group...gonna be hard to get much work done unless we get determine sia...

today went for history test n was screwed big time sia...wrote totally out of point n dun even know for myself wad the hell im doin...shit first time im gonna fail history my best sub n the onli one where i can excel in...sigh...life stinks...

im in the school library tryin to do my lit research so can tell how desperate it is for me if u can find me in school doin work!! !@#$%^&*() oh n paul jus bang himself on the leg lol...

and paul was here wahahhahaahahahaha

spam spam spam spam spam spam spam

look in depth...( thanks bala for the inspiration)

2006-08-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow...
starting to open up finally...
N watch the stars crash into the sea...
letting go of the past bit by bit....
If i could ask god just one question...
the past is history, future a mystery, present a gift...
Y are'nt you here with me...
let me treasure the gift now den...

school day without lesson...

2006-08-12T05:19:00.000-07:00

Ji@n : Cool eh my display pic?
Kin Peng: Dat guy is u meh?

Err.. ppl cant tell this bloke is me meh?! alamak sia y else would i put a guy's pic on my display pic?!! @.@"

Friday...the shortest day of school in a week n yet i still came late...ahh came school durin break cuz i conviently overslept =P i cant believe i volunteered to go help out for teachers day rally lol...Mrs Sze said she will ask the vice principal for permission so its like @_@ ahh they r gonna think im some enthu-tard la sia so paiseh...in the end she say ya can n hence will be helpin out durin the rally den.. =.= reach school durin break time n on my way in saw two other students late like me jus enterin the school compound haha! went to library to meet nat cuz she say got chocs :) n saw jason there so ended up in a very detailed discussion about our lan gamin experience dat day haha nat was laughin at umby's animated talk while me n umby discuss bout games...ahh so long since i enjoy the joys of computer gaming liao =/ found out later dat miss young wasnt feelin well so there is no gp n pw after the break which means no lesson for the day other den lit remedial (which i didnt intend on goin anyway..)! kp n bala was laughin at me upon tellin me the news...thanks eh bala!! quoted from him "wad r frens for? =D" o.O" haha anyway talissa n emily apparently was high or just not themselves lol...both were tellin lame jokes n riddles n had fun listenin n answerin some seriously riddiculous questions haha =D poor bala though got interrupted halfway n den he did somethin stupid dat he himself cant explain y he did dat...tsk tsk...i feel for u dude ( :P) saw hickey boy in the canteen n later in the library where me n emily walk deliberately towards him to take a sneak peak =D muahaha cant stop myself from laughin after dat cuz the guy instead of concealin it powdered his hickey sia!! :P

Went off with nat after dat to t-mart for my second time sia n went in to macs...we had A sundae but we ended up sittin there for 3-4 hours sia haha! nat was doin her hw on math while i was bascially jus listenin to music/day dreamin/stonin? about :) basically enjoyin the peace n quietness bein away from the world...

although wasnt doin much i felt happy in a way i haven felt for a long time... :) i guess it was u dat made it so...

went to kfc to eat after leavin macs n blind me saw the advertistment on the tray as the real or chicken chop n wanted to jus walked off with it without waitin for the real one...alamak malu sia... =.= after the meal we went back to macs again where sat there n waste time till nat's parent came to pick us up to go for meetin n there was a share of dinner for me prepared too bad got carsickness n onli managed to down half of it b4 gettin a headache n didnt finnish the food...the talk was interestin...like the part bout zeal...find it meaningful wanted to blog more bout it but forgot liao.. -.- (got the main meaning however) oh n nat gave a testimony...went off supper with them but while waitin was foolin around in the van with the two bryans, nat n her bro but didnt realised dat ended up causin problems for nat...im realli sorri i didnt meant for it to happen... :( got nat into trouble again with her parents n was feelin as down ( or even more than) as her throughout supper...seems like trouble follows me wherever i go n always to the wrong person...miserable supper with my phone bat dead n dad callin me to come home early...n the sugar cane drink was horrid...waste of my $2.50...got a lift from uncle victor n melody ( bless them ) who lived in jurong n yet send me to serangoon n basically lay down upon reachin home n got absorbed in my thoughts till i fall asleep...

guess its my fault for causin the problems...i realli didnt meant it...

but was it when it wasnt deliberate?...sometimes my best is not enough...

is it realli wrong to be me? wads wrong with me the way i am?...

or do i have to be like everyone else...is it necessary to be accepted?...

lesson learnt lesson heeded...

2006-08-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

Should have remembered from the previous lesson yet sometimes one still makes the same mistake...(wonder if its just dumb or human nature?...)

The gym...Feels good to be back trainin again...the familiar place the familiar feelin...a place where one could just leave the outside world n jus focus on trainin...where the rest of the world doesnt matter n all i need is the weights to be with me...went by myren n hydher's blog n gain my motivation from them once again to restart my trainin...wish i got their determination n zeal for trainin but shall work hard n hopefully be like dem one day...hydher was right dat each one of us r onli giving excuses to ourselves...well no more...its back to hittin the weights hard...has gotten soft without pushin myself n residin in self-pity aint gonna help so time to do somethin right for myself for once...

I rather go thru the dead weights in the gym
den to carry the livin weight of the harsh world outside...

time to go do some hw n go for a run later...let the trainin resume...

long post! (not kiddin)

2006-08-09T03:42:00.000-07:00

Ah im writing this post while most of the nation people are celebratin national day...hmm brilliant eh? -.- well a short list of things that happened recently...but a freakin long post so u have been warned in advance!!

1) Friday
Class photo retakin today due to the blotch up one of the previous one where bala n raj was too black to been seen (no offence but its the truth!!) look! although the rest of us also appear dark la n my nice short tie dat stands out from the rest =D

Although in the second retaken photo they still look dark but this time we have a full class attendance!!Like OMG for the first time in dunno how long the whole class is finally in school at one time!! ah but this time no short tie sia...miss young dun let me get back my short tie =/

Haha after class photo takin kin peng came up with a crazy dare that the guys could not refuse =P As the school rule state that we cant leave the school compound until after 12.50 even if ur lesson has ended( which seems like a dumb rule to me) we decided on somethin crazy/stupid/fun =P me, kin peng, bala , russell and paul ran down from the foyer towards the gate yellin n makin a lot of noise on our way down n the poor teacher saw us from a distance n was using hand signs to ask us to stop! haha his expression was priceless as he saw a group of students attemptin to run out of school through the teacher stationed at the gates!! haha the twist was that upon reachin the gates we continued runnin leavin the bloke starin at us as we ran by the gate n instead of runnin out we ran on to the other side n just laughed *wicked cool!* on our way back we walked by the gate laughin den kp n bala ran out of the gate n back in again laughin their ass off but kp laugh too much n fell scrapin his knees while the rest of us just laughed even harder!! sigh miss poo is a lousy video-er though we asked her to vedio the whole thing but it came out bleah...all shakin n not capturin the thingy..ahh nvm we still had fun =) kp n bala went on even further though as heard from them that they ran circles around the teacher after that n kena detention -.-" ( a BIT smart ah...but nvm they wont go for the detention anyway!) Went to tm to eat lunch with nat,bala n russell while waitin for nat's parents to pick us up for my first firday church meetin...haha bala n russell went on the massage chair in the middle of the whole mall n their comment (" haha get to upskirt ppl... -.-") then they went on the i-gallop which looks damn funny sia...had a good laugh at them lol n to think they say they want to come back next week to try the vibrating belt.. o.O went back to school after dat n just wanted to walk by n see how the teams were playin in the softball open but eneded up playin for dixie's team in the softball opens which apparently didnt ended as i thought it did on last wed...was feelin pissed again at another team...(wow like its something new...) this time though they had the potential to win the whole competition but after one after another series of blunders...i give up...like wad the heck...now im wonderin y in the world did i even get so caught up in it...its not even my team!!...jeez...oh n got my toe injured durin base runnin thanks to the wrong pair of shoes i was wearin -.- woweee....ah dun care if they r gonna bitch bout me after the game n all i cant be bothered with them anyway...went off to t-mart(my first time hard to believe eh) with nat after dat to get a drink b4 her parents pick us up for the meetin...ahh was freezin there sia! had 4 flashbacks thoughout the journey n durin the meetin den end up emoin abit plus was bit tired after the whole day so ended up ppl thought i was moody...hmm...went home n listen to music n basically stone till i fall asleep....

2) Saturday

Was a nice n relaxin uneventful day where i get to chill,sleep n tv about for the whole day...ahh feels good just bummin around for once =) need more of this sort of days!!!

3) Sunday

Went to church today without hidin the fact from my parents for once after i talked to my dad bout it ( although he wants to continue the discussion with me bout religion he didnt reacted as vehemently against it as i thought he would...guess with old age u tend to be less hot-temepered a lil ba but he didnt give his consent either..sigh well its a first step..) played basketball a lil durin lunch n after the second meetin...haven realli played basketball for a long time since secondary school after stoppin it n kinda miss the game...hehe lucky the shootin aimin has not faded dat much yet can still do some decent shootin wahaha won against 7 of the kids plus nat =) soccer was uneventful for me wasted some good chances arghh...nat scored one from across the other side...waaa...chris scored the rest of the main bulk for our team...me? lol runnin about n wastin a few good shots =.= ahh well at least basketball didnt let me down -phews- went to eat after dat at serangoon gardens where the sugarcane is plentiful n the food is ok :) nat's mum came over to talk to me n subtely hinted that i should not spend so much time with nat which i found quite funny although nat apparently didnt find it so...ahh she ended up becomin upset with her parents (dun say u didnt cuz u cant lie from me gal!!) which ended up makin me feel so crappy la...was thinkin dat cuz of my presence ended up causin her problems with her parents =/ even thought of not goin back to the church if it will help with she n her parents...but in the end nat asked me not to do so or i would onli make things worse...ahh seems like im always bringin some kind of problem with me to the ppl around me wherever i go even to church!! =( had a lousy time dat night n slept on the couch in the livin room for not wantin to disturb the rest...

4)Monday

woke up early today...cuz i fell of the couch n woke up -.- brilliant sia...thus i ended up early for school for once!! haha managed to grab a drink b4 mornin assemebly something that i haven been able to do since first day of school sia!! school was ok other den history where im in shit cuz i haven hand in my history assignment which was due like ages ago...arghh have to do it later sia or else this time im realli realli dead!!...went to help nat with the national day packin of the gifts ( = skippin a bit of econs) n went bubblin after that where me, nat, pak n later boy boy ate like at least 7 packets of fries sia!! waa wad pigs...tsk tsk :P nat came n join my class for econs later where she hid in the corner with the girls although i was quite sure miss yup saw her n she didnt comment though...bala was playin frozen throne durin the lesson with his labby n was tryin to give advice next to him without the teacher noticin it haha! amelia was saying y i bring my girlfriend into class ahh the same thingy where everyone thinks im nat's bf -.- wif everyone havin the same thinkin i wont be suprise one day if i walk out of class one day n get whack by a whole group of guys who thinks im realli nat bf =X waa of all person she has to say me? lol n to think i caught her with her boyfriend outside the library on my way in n she told miss yup she had to go to the toilet...bleah..econs presentation was totally whacked up sia..lol although i feel bad for not doin anything for the group...the presentation totally didnt make any sense to me n i jus had to bluff along with king peng n lionel thru the presentation where it was just a total comic show sia...confessed to miss yup dat i didnt helped out in the whole thing after the lesson though n she said she knew it already upon lookin at the powerpoint but at least she said i answer well for the nationalisation question -phew- the guys were enjoyin playin with nat's bike on the way to the bubble tea shop n bala's bag kena hole sia due to it haha unlucky dude...on the way back the 81 zoomed by once again n i missed the bus like always whenever i come from the bubble tea shop..arghh!!stupid sia...

5) Tuesday

National day celebration today n i reached school late again lol...basically went thru the activities n sing/yell/shout/throw planes/sleep/goof about durin the hall activites n went off to tm to grab a bite with bala, amellia n nat...went off to play lan after dat with kp n frens at grandlink where we found jason, yi yang n fren...won once against them den lost to teck wei n his frens where thru out the game kp's fren keep arrowin me for mistakes...bleahs...didnt enjoy the game much sia..was super tired after dat n slept a bit intendin to wake up later in the night but ended up oversleepin till the next day...

6) wednesday-today

national day today ended up goin to gym where had a nice satisfactory workout although im gonna complain dat the class tee shrunk after washin sia..bleah cuz it cant be i grew in size without trainin n yet the shirt become tighter (not across the waist thankfully) thus conclusion the class tee shrinks on washin!! ahhh!! came back slept a while n decide to finally get down to bloggin after ppl keep tellin me to do so....shall go n watch the national day thingy now ba...thus endin my long long post! :D

P.s thanks nat for the change in blogskin! as usual i didnt do anythin cuz im a total IT-failure so haha thanks!! =)

2006-07-31T07:34:00.000-07:00

Today was another typical lousy school day i guess...still not used to bein back in school after camp n keep wishin dat camp have not ended so dat wont be bugged by the stupid school work n involvements...must rmb dat its a no-no to eat at the coffeeshop opposite the school!!food sux n got stomachache immediately after eatin n i meant IMMEDIATE!! haven even cross the road to go back to school already kena sia...bleah...

Softball open another match today but i cant play cuz got 3 softballers in the team already n could already anticipate paul n nigel complainin if i played so helped joan the onli other way i could to manage the team...but honestly the team is totally in no shape to play any match...with the players attitude n skills...sigh wad else is there to say...all i can say is i never want to play with such team ever again...rather not play den to go thru this crap sia...tried my best to tell them their roles n position but i guess some ppl either r too stuborn or too full of themselves or realli too stupid to get it in their heads...wadever ur game ur team...wadever...got owned of cuz by a score of 18-1 how pathetic...nvr in my whole life of playin softball have i ever been on the side of the losin team dat lost by so much...gosh if im back in the marist team days n we got this score...coach most prob will screw our ass with some trainin from hell n punnishment sia...everyone complainin to me after the match from players attitude to umpire unhappiness or came directed towards me...like wth...im already quite unhappy dat lost even without me participatin n yet still have to face this kind of shit...ppl like hoe an complainin...clement dont like me...bleah bleah wadever...like i should even care...let the rest do wad they want ba...since my personality also says im selfish by nature so be it den...those dat mean nothin to me can jus rot away with ur problems...I DONT GIVE A DAMN ok?!...

Sigh feelin down n bugged with a guilty conscience dat wadever i do i always end up screwin things up for others...joan's team lost n joan asked me to help...some help i was...nat gettin into trouble with dad cuz of wad her dad thinks n once again its thanks to me... =/ hows it possible dat sometimes i dun do anythin wrong n yet it still is...dis stinks...oh n detention twice in one week...

wicked....

After LTC camp

2006-07-29T05:55:00.000-07:00

Played in the first round of softball open on tues b4 going for LTC camp...was asked to help out n play for joan's team cuz of lack of players but ended up her team has 5 softballers in it exceeding the rule of max 3 softballers in one team =.= well played a decent game i guess even though it was so screwed up dat the seniors arranged to play against us for the first match for a supposedly easy win...although joan's team made 6 major blunders n we screwed up a bit the score wasnt as trashing as i thought we ended up having 9-10( i think) all i know is we lost by a mere point...ah screamed n yelled like a maniac over the mistakes made but in the end dun seem to be helpin so sub myself out n let joan's other members played after hitting a homerun =) went to school next day with two fully packed bags for LTC camp without bringing any school stuff in the bags onli camp stuff!! :D

Day One:
Got to the camp site n got into groups n settled into different dorms was in hotel n group 7/ Gecko (i came up with the group name =D) my group was more quiet as compared to any groups i have been n among the other 8 groups in the camp but nevertheless they aint that bad overall though...got some personality profile thingy n i ended up being I-N-T-P ( nerd/ sucidial) type...ended up earning the nick of sucide boy after dat cuz of the profile thingy -.- went out of camp on the first day lol to buy snacks n ended up spendin 26 bucks plus alone on the snacks!! x.x climbed the wired fence to get out n when comin back in got scratched n got spoted by the teachers who later told us dat the other gate was unlocked -.-" (walao feelin so stupid den sia so malu!!) watch a short version of rememeber the titans ( one of the best movie i have watched b4!!) den stayed up late in the night listenin to music n watchin 40 year old virgin on pang's player :)

Day Two (a.k.a BAD DAY)
The whole day i was being plauged by bad luck sia...super unlucky met with a few unlucky incidents dat happened on me...
1) Fell on my butt during the activities after my group asked me to jump the electric fence n didnt catch me -.-
2) Got bashed up by 7 guys during the mona lisa game thingy cuz the rule said could steal from other groups n cuz im holdin the cards guess why i was bashed? worse of all is ming wei stole from me one card n i was chasin him but instead of helpin me the rest of the groups robbed me n i ended up with onli one card left instead... got some nice blue blacks n bruises -.-
3) Some dope stole my packet of fruitella i left in my bunk -.- ( dont mess with my sweets!!)
4) Got hit by a stone dat was thrown by shar durin group discussion when she was tryin to pitch -.-
5) Got hit by stone again after runing into shelter after bein hit the first time n got hit by johan who was randomly kickin stones -.-
6) Bench fell on me durin dinner -.-
7) -cant rmbr but was sure there was one more-
Stayed up late again dis time with the nat,cherie,denise n sucide girl playin bridge which i learnt from them n the devil's advocate heard some interestin facts especially the one bout sucide gal which struck me as quite funny =P went to pak's bunk later n me,pak, kok swee n gay boy shared the bed tgt haha! oh n kok swee is a snorer the rest of us had to put on earphones n listen to music while we slept! :p

Day 3
Played water games which was quite fun my group ran n hid the flag bearer thus our flag was one of the few dry ones after the game while other groups flags were in some sorry state ( i managed to snap one after a nice throw of the water bomb =D ) perform a skit for bash night but one teacher have to coment on it makin us look bad n all =/ but still i like the skit n find it funny still muahaha although i had to go super nerd on stage n embarass myself by doin the shooting club thingy but had fun still!! there was some dancin thingy after everythin but after dancin for a while didnt find it dat fun as the first time i went though but continued till it ended...hmm suprisin though nat could realli dance! wicked i guess never thought the daughter of a pastor will be dat sort of type :D stayed up till like 5 am playing bridge with denise, boy boy ( forgot his name =X) n nat n was more or less drained b4 i hit the bed sleepin right away...

Day 4
Woke up 3 hours later feelin tired as usual n went through some discusion thingy n overall debriefin of the camp...ribbon givin ceremony after dat n got mine from my traininer tracy ( whom i swear looks like meryl!) bryan n another girl ( dunno how 2 spell the name) recieved theirs in front of all n it was quite an emotional thingy after hearing the story from the trainer bout the significance of it all...ribbon says: who i am makes a difference ...durin the last moments of the camp eneded up remindin me of the previous rhya camps dat i have been to n ended up feelin emo as well...emo on the bus listenin to songs till reach school n went bubblin with nat b4 comin home to catch up on some sleep!!

now dat camp is over its back to school work n the massive pile of hw due:
1) 20 + readin logs
2) GP compre
3)Eom
4)Compliation of survey results
5) Lit log books for both great expecations n atwood
6)Econs presentation
7) history assignment
8)history tutorial
9) Econs yellow card ( i hope she forgets liao!)
10) written report

shits dunno how i am gonna be able to finnish all dis...guess like its another sleepless night for me once again...

The song dat says it all...

2006-07-17T07:18:00.000-07:00

For all the years that i've known u baby
I cant firgure out the reason why lately
youve been actin so cold (didnt you say)
if there's a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you dont want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay i know i was late again
i made you mad and dinners thrown (in the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long( i wanna know)
im sick and tired of this silly game
dont think im the only one here to blame
its not me who's been going round slammin doors

Thats when you turned and said to me
I dont care babe who's right or wrong
I just dont love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, youre gone, my fault, i'm sorry
feelin like a fool cos i let u down
now it's too late to turn it around
im sorry for the tears i made you cry
i guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
i just dont love you no more

i know that ive made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn't make sense to me now that you're gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

Thats when you turned and said to me
I dont care babe who's right or wrong
I just dont love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, youre gone, my fault, i'm sorry
feelin like a fool cos i let u down
now it's too late to turn it around
im sorry for the tears i made you cry
i guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
i just dont love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off gaurd
on that night you said to me
i just dont love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, youre gone, my fault, i'm sorry
feelin like a fool cos i let u down
now it's too late to turn it around
im sorry for the tears i made you cry
i guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
i just dont love you no more

The song says it all...just listenin over n over again holdin the tear-stained lyrics as the memories returned... "i guess this time it really is goodbye....."

2006-07-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

Have to rob a bank soon arghh goin so broke...
Gonna knockmyself out need more sleep....
Must train harder to win the rest....
Shall do my best to complete all my assignments...

Will end up onli continue to daydream about all these.... =P

pleasin the world??

2006-07-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

Jus wonderin wad kind of a person i realli am...diff ppl say diff stuff bout me n frankly i myself also dun even know myself for who i am...how wierd eh?the sayin goes dat no one knows u like urself..but do i even know??Some ppl will know me for bein hot tempered n a bastard at times...some say im very dao to ppl...others say im quiet yet with some sayin im noisy...ppl even say im a gentleman!! haha interestin...but among all these which one is the real me??...shall ponder over this interesting question dat randomly pop up in my head on my way home from church..hmm...

YAY! learned to play table tennis today for the first time n wohoo won nat!! haha at least this time bala cant say anythin bout me losin to a gal again =P scored 2 goals today too!! first goal one person ran thru three of the guys n scored!! wahaha w00t!! second goal scored by teamates assist n shot it thru the keepers legs yay!! haha although nothin much compared to the rest of the ppl but feelin happier in the process of learnin soccer..slowly but surely =)

Hmmm the lil kids at church says im nice to bully =.=" ppl might ask me y i even let them do so but i guess its kinda of a consicence thingy dat made me do so...have done n said so many bad stuff all the time maybe it will be better to let others have a go at me once a while eh? n anyway since they r little kids wad real harm is there to let them have their ways n play along with them to make them happy ba...cant hurt...realised i enjoy those little terrors company too haha makes me realli smile n laugh at times...somethin dat has not come easily these days... =/

Thank god mum was too busy for parent teacher meetin hehe...managed to escape this time but lets hope dat conduct will be better from now on so i dun have to go thru the same torture of prayin for a miracle to happen on the next parent teacher meetin haha :P eldest sis injured her foot n came home cryin...looks bad...ouch...feel bad im still infront of the com instead of helpin her...well my mum will take care of dat ba hehe =P although it could have been me though...

Come to think of it now...is a relationship realli necessary??...how can one say that they have been thru once when the heart wasnt there?...

2006-07-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

Wad a messed up hectic week im havin this whole week...monday have hnf till 6, tues end at 4.10pm n have to go gym for hnf, wed softball trainin till 6, thurs got gp remedial n gym,fri got softball trainin,sat got pw n sunday church...waa...practically have no rest at all for the week...sigh...scrapin through lessons narrowly makin it for the assignements n presentations dat are due...just realised lol dat all the group im in r kinda screwed up...gp group me bala,kin peng...econs group me, kin peng, lionel...hitory presentation me, bala, kin peng, amellia...lol seems like all the group with me n kin peng n bala in it are gone case sia... =P n to think we group with talissa n shannon for lit assignment...the poor girls...i guess we r helpin the class to balance out by puttin the not so smart ppl with the smart n hardworkin one eh? =D

Got a new softball captain n vice captain kok swee n sadiq...hope those 2 will be of help to me especially when it comes to attendance haha help edit my attendance a lil if i skip too many trainin ;P gratz to nat n sharina for girls team cap n vice although nat didnt seem like shes uber happy or wad to be captain lol i guess she kinda knew it all along dat she was the one anyway...ended up playin soccer instead of softball durin trainin today cuz coach aint there due to right leg injury...realised how much difference there is in playin in a field n on the floor...n how painful the stupid blisters on my legs r !*#$%^&* hope they faster heal back sia...tmr might be my 2.4km run arghh....not realli in the mood or prepared for it but if it is den good game ba...

Super tired...gonna leave my hw for another day again n hope i wont die tmr...sigh this have been the same routine for the past few days n lets hope i can break out of this stupid cycle soon eh?...

A changed person...
A new personality...
A different perception...

A fresh start...

All these im gonna need.....

Formula for love??

2006-07-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

They say love is blind...
They say the breakin of a heart hurts more den the breakin of bones...
They say a relationship is the end of a friendship....

Hence formula for love = bein blind + heartbreak + end of a friendship....

but...love cannot be denied...no matter how screwed up the formula may be...

blah blah

2006-07-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

How things have changed so fast...in a blink of an eye all of the past is no longer there but replaced with the new...feelin down still for zidane n france after the mass retirement of the players n how they came so close to liftin the trohpy just to be denied by a group of lousy liars/actors/bastards sigh...dunno y this time was so affected but guess is cause of so many of the players leavin after this world cup kinda sadden me ba...bye bye figo,oliver khan n zidane the three players i will miss seein on the field...haiz..

Even in my life things change so fast...too fast for me i guess...the way of studing...frens dat i hang out with...feelings....interests....life is just too fast pace now....how i wish can take out a period of my time now for a nice long break to be free from everythin...wishin for quiet time of my own instead of the crazy life im leading now...dun even know where im headin towards these days...a direction...dats wad i need...somethin to work forward for dat is even worth workin for...the onli thing i find im wakin up for these days is to gym, go for softball trainin n improve on pitchin n battin n last but not least learn how 2 play soccer...the rest seems to be meaninless for me...frens,classmates,family even com games bleah have all kinda faded away from me...wad kind of life am i den livin for??

Sigh n luck these few days haven been good especially with the teachers...got caught today with half the class for skippin econs lecture which is serious super boring la...i dun even pay attention there anway so might as well take the time to do lit hw but yea i know it still breakin the rules blah blah blah...miss yup came up to the library n we tried to hide but she yell OUT infront of all n super embarrassin for all of us there...felts bad but wad was made worse was dat she told radi,meiling n sulaiman too dat she was dissapointed n supprised dat they skipped the lecture leaving me out even though we all are sittin at the same table... -.-" haiz...guess like shes givin up hope on me as well ba...the onli teacher i guess dat i haven got prob with is history left ba...wonder how long i can sustain b4 i go on a banlist of the teachers...sigh...n shit this sat is parent teacher meetin n my mum remembers...arghh....not gonna turn up on dat day n just hope for the best ba....

Life is kinda screwed up now...or was it all the time??

2006-07-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

Waa first of all i must procalim this loudly!! AHH MISS YOUNG IS BIAS AGAINST ME!!! waa lao was late for school today (no suprise though overslept way big time after watching the saddenin finals where zidane who dunno wad was he thinkin played such a big part in france defeat ahh...so sad...didnt even bother to stay up to watch the italians lift the trophy bloody actors...arghh...they dun deserve to win...try for oscars next time instead of world cup ba!!!

Oops digressin from topic oh ya back to the biasness...AHHH its unfair its onli the second time i came to school late n i got told dat the next time i will get detention while my classmates like paul,kin peng even lionel all came so many times n never gotten anythin like dis lor...waa....but come to think of it i shouldnt even have came cuz i onli reached at break time n after break is chinese which i skipped leaving onli one period of history n gp... -.- sigh maybe i have slack too much n its high time for me to do something about it liao ba...if not gonna step on more teachers toes n aint gonna help much for promos at end of year....

Went to eat lunch in school with ben after miss poo n zhu yanling pangseh us la...nvm gentleman shall not hold it against them :D went to library to sleep for a while den saw bryan n emily doing econs project so went over to bug them for a while (in the process feeling guilty dat i haven done mine as well) till saw nat in the library using the com n went over to bug her instead haha...went gymin after heng wei arrived n met shina n her fren there too...was quite shock when shina told me she n aloy broke up...ahhh another saddenin end to a relationship...the poor guy just joined hnf too which was a shock to shina n a suprise to me...hmmm can it be dat he still haven place things behind him?...ahh wad a sad turn of event but interestin nevertheless shall pay more attention to those two O.O

Ah did chest n legs today n felt great today finally went back to doin flat bench after so long since the time i did flat bench n injured my shoulder...felt great at least managed to hit 60kg for at least 2 sets of 6...not any big shit but good enough for me for the present...did legs today after like how many months of non trainin them but surpisingly managed not bad n form was ok today ^^ cant wait to hit the weights tmr again...no pain no gain...

Oblivious to the pain...invisible to the eye...

Wee great revival workout!! ^^

2006-07-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

Waa first of all i must procalim this loudly!! AHH MISS YOUNG IS BIAS AGAINST ME!!! waa lao was late for school today (no suprise though overslept way big time after watching the saddenin finals where zidane who dunno wad was he thinkin played such a big part in france defeat ahh...so sad...didnt even bother to stay up to watch the italians lift the trophy bloody actors...arghh...they dun deserve to win...try for oscars next time instead of world cup ba!!!

Oops digressin from topic oh ya back to the biasness...AHHH its unfair its onli the second time i came to school late n i got told dat the next time i will get detention while my classmates like paul,kin peng even lionel all came so many times n never gotten anythin like dis lor...waa....but come to think of it i shouldnt even have came cuz i onli reached at break time n after break is chinese which i skipped leaving onli one period of history n gp... -.- sigh maybe i have slack too much n its high time for me to do something about it liao ba...if not gonna step on more teachers toes n aint gonna help much for promos at end of year....

Went to eat lunch in school with ben after miss poo n zhu yanling pangseh us la...nvm gentleman shall not hold it against them :D went to library to sleep for a while den saw bryan n emily doing econs project so went over to bug them for a while (in the process feeling guilty dat i haven done mine as well) till saw nat in the library using the com n went over to bug her instead haha...went gymin after heng wei arrived n met shina n her fren there too...was quite shock when shina told me she n aloy broke up...ahhh another saddenin end to a relationship...the poor guy just joined hnf too which was a shock to shina n a suprise to me...hmmm can it be dat he still haven place things behind him?...ahh wad a sad turn of event but interestin nevertheless shall pay more attention to those two O.O

Ah did chest n legs today n felt great today finally went back to doin flat bench after so long since the time i did flat bench n injured my shoulder...felt great at least managed to hit 60kg for at least 2 sets of 6...not any big shit but good enough for me for the present...did legs today after like how many months of non trainin them but surpisingly managed not bad n form was ok too ^^ although in the process of my workout the stupid hnf senior made comments dat i should not do so heavy n so n so...blah blah blah...jeez i dont want to end up lookin like him y do u think im even trainin?...wad a dope...no pain no gain n when ppl pushin themselves during workout n u make this sort of comments....haiz...wad to say??...each to their own ba u train ur way i do mine n we shall see each other in a few months n compare eh? =P

Tired out after my short-long day lol n just watch bend it like beckham...ahh feelin sleepy now maybe shall try to do some work or head to bed soon...tmr is another day to hit the weights...lookin forward to it n hope for another good trainin =)

wad r u provin??

2006-07-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Well dunno wad u r trying to show or prove but ur recent actions dat left me somehow baffled n thanks for ur accusations they realli do "help"...guess the person i knew back then is no longer there n replaced with someone who is startin to push the borderline of my boundaries....

I might seem easy for gals to bully but dat is cuz sometimes i find it realli pointless to argue or insist on small things...but congrats u r the first again...this itme in being dangerously close to pushin my limits....this is a warnin to all dun overstep some boundaries...after wad had happen im a changed person n i dun think im taking shit from anyone anymore so like it or beat it den...

Was on the back of the pickup on my way back from church just now n lookin up at the starless sky with the wind rushin against me all of a sudden recall a line from a song i heard long ago... "the first cut is the deepest...." how true eh?!

well the good thing dat came out throughout the week is well i didnt fail history even though i studied for one hour but not realli likin my results even though pass...well will strive to work hard next time n realli study n gonna learn how 2 master soccer still even though my elg now blistered till like x.x n tmr is nafa 2.4km...wicked....well lets hope for a mircale n a french victory in the world cup later den!! woo go france!! zidane last appearance in international all da best!!

results!!

2006-07-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

Ah first of all i have to state this clearly OMG talisa ur one super brain man!!! O.O!!! i cant believe it for the first time in my life i see a student practically getting full marks out of tests till teacher have to purposely find fault in them!! holy shit man the level of admiration towards u have went wayyyy up sia!! -bow to ur knowledge- thank god for havin u as my lit partner wohoo for once i wont screw up my assignment with the brain on my team =P ya ya i know i promise i wont slack n will do my part too ok...lookin forward to doing work finally....

Haha the irony of life is simply too much...thought i would have gotten the lowest in class again given my terrible record of 0/15 for my previous test -.- but suprisingly!!! i didnt n i got an improvement haha even though i went to toilet for like 10 mins durin the paper due to tummy ache n den slept for 30mins lol i got 10/50!! an extra 1 infront of the 0 this time haha!! =D i betted with paul b4 the paper dat i will get lower n i lost to him one packet of m&m but well as the sayin goes u cant win them all so its ok quite glad of my improvement...but arghh lost to kin peng who slept even earlier den me sia!! better start getting serious for my next paper i intend to do another big leap in improvement n pass it for once !_! now i have to think of a way how to break this news to my mum..hmmm @_@"

Woke up late today cuz stayed up to watch portugal math against france n i was quite disappointed dat france won by the penalty dat was like so....haiz...there goes another team dat i support out of the game....nvm...now im gonna root for france to win the cup dun let italy win!!!arghhh....bunch of divin team... =P ended up wakin at 8.30 n came to school at 10.30++ haha missed all the previous lessons n walked around lookin for my chinese class till finally found out that it was in the lt... -.- rest of the day went by borin as usual den after school went to makan with the class at east point but somehow im feelin akward with the ppl there...maybe cuz the normal ppl whom normally will hang with like bala aint there n also the fact that dont feel comfortable in the simei area anymore cuz of the u know wad incident...excused myself after the meal n left n i found myself going to cdc n went up there to take a look...wow the lounge got a new look with some new stuff dat looks not bad but sadly doubt i will realli be able to use it or even go there dat frequent anymore...time to move on with a new phase of my life i guess...went gym after dat n it was totally horrible...slacked for too many days n now everythin all screwed up again arghh...weight fell back like shit but nvm im gonna buck up startin from tmr n work back up if i need to...onli the hardworkin r rewarded =)

Well somehow start to view ppl differently after the seperation n lookin back now i do wonder n sometimes am amazed at myself...hmmm i guess sometimes things realli have to be looked from a third person view for a clear picture den 0_0 well lifes like dat...

P.s haha happy bday kin peng n "THANKS" for ksing me yesterday eh... =P n dont worri bout ur results too much nat...aim for promos n try for good progress award like me haha 150 bucks!! =P oh n max INTERESTING haircut haha but it got me thinkin of my future in 2 years time ahhh...will i look like dat???

Let tmr worry for itself n thus have less to worry about in the present =)

a new direction?...

2006-07-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

Went to visit nat's church on sunday...something new again this time...its diff from those dat i have previously went before (not that i have been to that much for the count) but still can tell dat the way things r ran r different from others...as far as i can make out (which i hope im not wrong) the church believe dat a person has to go through a second phase of reborn which is spiritually so that he/she may enter the kingdom of god n live happily after :) thus they stress on the importance of speaking in tounges n baptism so it seems...hmmm interestin concept there n for once i enter church sat down for one of the longest time in my whole life n listen to ppl talk without sleepin!!!!holy shit man dats amazin given the record dat i have never been able to do so especially since the day b4 i was watchin portugal vs england which although portuagal won im still a bit unhappy dat they have to do it after the 90 mins causing me to lose lots of points n after that the brazil france match which was utterly disappointing when i betted all on brazil n they lost...sigh..well nvm now dat brazil is out im throwin my lot for portuagal the team dat haven won the world cup to win in this time!! go for it w00t!! Speakin of soccer recently started learning how 2 play soccer from bala n the guys whenever i have the oppurtunity (maybe got bitten by the world cup fever) but i think its also cause just realised nat can play soccer quite well...in fact good enuff to own me...arghh.... x.x

Well some ppl might say im bein a sexist by making dat comment but for me i take it as a challenge to prove myself at least to try not to lose to gals...(we dun need miss poo with the men r useless remark constnaly hanging around) cant realli remember wad happened yesterday other den the fact that the day flew by n i was tired after dat again haha :D

Today is the day of tpjc panarama...hmmm didnt know y everyone made such a big fuss over it though...felt like its just a school concert right??...didnt buy tickets to go mainly cuz : 1) tickets at least 20 bucks n i have a feelin i will sleep so y will i throw 20 bucks away?? 2) raj is performin n his stage name of all names (bala) o.O kills wad little interest dat stills remain for the concert 3) i dun want to go n see ppl to upset myself n kill my mood so i guess dats y im one of the few tpjcians still at home now instead of at the concert but nvm its ok =) oh ya n btw accidentally rammed the ball into alvin's(at least i think thats his name) face while bala rammed the ball into hoe an during soccer just now...opps...

Heard dat its Kin Pengs bday tmr well happy bday dude may ur dreams n wishes of becoming tpjc captain/superstar come true =P time to go rest now body achin like nuts ever since tried playin soccer...well at least its a form of workout by running about!!!

reviving a dead blog =X

2006-06-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

Hmm haven been updating for ages n ages til the blog practically grew cobwebs n died out sia...decided dat maybe bloggin down things dat happen will help me remember better n help to be a better anti-depressant ba...since its been a long while so this post aint gonna be short warnin in case ppl r readin..but i try to shorten wadever there is to write ba...

First of all the biggest thingy i guess which most ppl knew about is that me n soh got together on firday the 13th but we r now NO longer together...i stress the NOT together part again...i guess there was major complications n happenings that resulted in wad happened but sometimes in life not everythin can be controlled by one dats wad i have learnt...most of the ppl around would have know already but to those who dont plz do not make the same association with me n her together again...sometimes u might not know how heartwrenchin a simple light comment made by u can cause...n plz do not keep makin me answer y we broke up...im gonna summarise it in this post so DUN ever come n ask me again...

Reasons:
1) I guess i wasnt sensitive enough to certain changes durin a certain period of time
2) One cannot force love upon the other when the other has feelins for another
3) Some ppl claim dat : my "addiction" to com games played a role?
4) Most importantly some things r just too good for lil old me to have n i should have known...

Hence, with this plz do not do not come up to me n joke about this incident...have a heart...as mine was already shattered...

However even though all this happened i have promised n will do my best for the both of us to still be able to maintain a platonic relationship ( finally i come to terms with the word) with each other...no one could realli be blamed for wad happened but if it realli had to den let the blame fall on me instead...do not blame the other party for wad happen for when it comes to love...there are no fixed rules n she did not do anything wrong...let bygones be bygones n who knows? the world might end up becomin a better place =)

I have been down, depressed n out for a while already...its time to pick myself up n continue with life after all the sayin goes that wad cant kill u will onli strengthen u even more so i will take this as another eventful encounter in life den...

To u soh : Im thankful for the happy times n moments we once had together n i wont forget them for a long long time to come...keep the memories if they can make u happy but forget them if they r not worthwhile ba... =/

After clearin up my "lovelife" its time to head on to other happenins...well one of the significant one was dat i have rejoin back tpjc softball team under the pressure of JASON UMBY n his persistant coaxing...puttin it frankly though the team did not realli serve to impress me with the standard they r havin but maybe its cuz im too used to marist style ba....dang missed the old team even though it may seem wierd comin from the guy who always skip trainin :P Nevertheless since i have already join might as well do my best for the team...got the urge to take up pitchin though...n im pleased that pitching have improved by quite a bit from last time but cant say the same for battin n throwin which is a far cry from the old times ahhh....lets pray on n hope for better improvements den...

School work sux man...the hols r endin tmr n im announcin that i have NOT done any singel thing yet...hmmm i think i might be dead =P haven even touch my books for monday's paper n maths is like bleah....god im gonna need a super miracle this time to do all i can from getting 0 again haha....got influence by the couch potato a.k.a natalie!!! ahh watchin tv now n just slackin the whole day!! =D

Ppl have been makin good comments about the class but somehow whether its gonna piss ppl off or not im gonna say dat i feel different about it...the feelin of class bondness is no longer there...its just held tgt by some weak threads n slowly weakenin in my opinion...the wicked fightin spirit of the old A05 is no longer there too...n my "dear" classmate has been sayin some stuff bout me n some..ok most of them r unhappy/pissed at my attitude towards them due to the prepartion for seasports carnival but i believed dat i didnt do anything wrong still...u guys were the one who wanted to win in the first place when we sign up n when i got my mind into it n got psyched up to win all of a sudden u guys changed ur mind...reasons for not trainin n arguements over trainin n its benfits start to pop up...well i have made up my mind dat i realli cant be bothered by wadever u guys r thinkin bout...i have been very passive n reasonably nice to the ppl around me but recent happenings changed this mindset...treat a guy how u would want to be treated n do not expect more...u guys do wad u want...i will train on my own...as long as my consicence is clear dat im not the weakest link dat drag the team down its ok with me...live n let go...the rest up to u guys to make or break den...

Dont care...done want to care....dont even feel bothered to...let the world continue its spinnin n me oblivious to it...

End of hols...

2006-03-18T08:42:00.001-08:00

Haven updated for extremely long time...guess sometimes just lose track of things n dont jolt them down i gues...one week of march hols are just about to end...cant say i enjoy it though..kinda crappy for me but nvm lets try to remember the good things first..

No schoolin? Oh n ya most of the old A05 ppl made it back into the same class after the civic grouping is out although there r a new bunch of ppl entering this time adding on the numbers of the class...its gonna be a lil wierd with the new bunch of ppl n wonder if it will cuz problems for days ahead...this may seem wierd coming from me i guess...some of the people may think of me as aloof n indiffernt to the happenings of the class but i guess i just have a diff way of showing things from u guys...ppl saying i very "dao" or unfriendly n not particpative..well maybe cuz u guys still dun realli know me i guess..it takes a while for me to open up to ppl n trust them...i dunno maybe thats the problem??

Dunno how but it happened...injuredm y left shoulder in the gym during benching n all of a sudden got the crack sound n follow by pain...parents made me pay for sinseh 30 bucks n got a lecture instead once i reach home instead of concern...my mum especially seems to take some certain liking this days to preach at me n scold me for anything she can think of...she says since i choose to go gym so therefore naturally she says the injury is my fault n i deserve it... =.=! (wad a mum i have eh?) stuck with my arm being bandaged for 2 days n cant go out n miss celebrating the minah's bday with the rest of the class..damn..to make matter worse my sis who is suppose to bring me for hotel job interview at m hotel says dat cuz im injured shes bringing the thing off to some other time...this leaves me with totally no extra income which i was anticipating..Not onli dat the bill for my handphone came yesterday..jeez i blew it of to 80+ n my dad is onli goin to pay for 50 so that leaves with me with another 30 odd bucks that is taken away..my two weeks of secret savings before the hols r just gone just like dat...it just bloody pains me to see dat all my suprise for my princess to be ruined just like dat...

Today is the day she returns but yet i end up being down n out...ppl might think its strange dat after missing her for a week long i should jump for joy upon hearing her return but somehow it all is so different from wad i have picture it to be in my mind throughtout the holiday..i end up causing her to become unhappy n disappointed at me (cuz i was suppose to get a job n pay back my sis but i cant work due to the injured arm n i didnt pick her up) although as she said dat if i realli wanted to pick her up i could have checked teletext n find out bout her flight but i realli realli didnt know where u were comming from or wad is the flight number...but still i know its my fault n plus the fact that my sending-her-off surprise failed n i had to return home halfway n dis did not help in making anything better...sigh...

I guess this was y in a way i kinda end up liking to play conquer so much...having a doulbe life one in the virtual world to escape from wad is happening in the real world...met some ppl in the game n have great convos with them...at least in the game i dun feel like im always screwing things up as there are always lower lvl ppl den me n can feel wanted by ppl n guild memebers who r turning to be the family dat is so different...

But all the same things cannot be run away from forever...shall have to settle the real life problems soon n try my best to work up something to redeem myself although it always seem like wadever im doing may seem not good enough but still i will do my best den..

Finally got some update i guess??..

2006-01-11T18:35:00.000-08:00

Waa so long never update liao cuz com down n busy anyway so like ya...after being pestered by everyone to update den i guess high time for me to update ba...lots of stuff happened between the time span from the last time i updated to now so i guess i shall onli pen down the major stuffs ba...

finally went back to gym after the 49 days from my grandma's death...my grandma pass away during my o levels examinations n her last wish was for me to stay vegetarian for at least 49 days so it kinda make it hard for me to get any solid food to eat n to train dats y had decided den to take a break for the 49 days n return after that...well 49 days have passed quickly n finally started training again but hell its so hard to even rech back the previous weights that i stoped off from last time n to even do the smae number of repetitions...sighs...well shall push myself to work even harder to try n reach back asap before even thinking of anything else...

made it to tpjc for first three month although it was my third choice n just missed mjc by one point but wad the heck...a jc is a jc n although might complain a lil sometimes here n there about tpjc but overall the school aint such a bad place i guess...decided to join dragonboat for cca n went for one training yesterday...it was quite fun though although got wet n tired but i think its an interesting cca n i most prob is gonna just stick to it...training is at kallang near the gym so kinda familiar wif the place liao so dont pose much of a prob too...the onli bad thing bout going to school is dat it takes me 1 hr ++ just to get there!!!waa every morning wake up at 5 sia jsut toreach school at 7.30... @_@ but other den dat i guess its ok ba...

Jc food sux though n kinda made me miss my old school (believe or not) their food is at least much better n cheaper sia...wonder how the rest of the school peps r getting on now...haven realli hang out with them for quite a while liao after getting into orientation n school stuff...maybe will try to get a gatherin or something sometime soon ba...

my aunty went into hospital the previous day n i nearly lost another relative in between 2 months when the operation dat she was going for met with a mishap n once again had to go to hospital to visit another kin...kinda remind me bout my granma when i saw my aunt lying on the hospital bed n made me think of my granma again...i miss her n wished i treated her much better when she was still around...sighs...

updat dis aint realli good i guess kinda rushed but when my net is finally ok soon shall do a proper one ba..till den...

P.s (meijuan rocks) not by me dis is meijuans typing dat she wants to leave behind...

sochenda's hacking.

2005-10-31T01:36:00.000-08:00

yays. i love warcraft. its such a fun game. i get to click the mouse and get all dizzy.. get to kill really ugly people... yays. its fun. u should try it.

today took the chinese O lvl paper.. yay its finally over. i dont have to breath eat sleep shit chinese anymore. i can finally be japanese. its my life long dream to go around with peace signs going "KAWAII" and all that. ahh but 7 days (and nights) to study for the rest of the O levels. stress stress.

*thinks*

ok what else would some ex-mungen write about. oh ya. gym.

gyming is fun! u get to build muscles and see muscles. and smell metal and drink rocky road protein!! its not as great as the real rocky road ice cream.. but ice cream would melt in the bag right.. and ice cream isnt protein. its FATS! and mac's 1g of fats is = to 38kcal of energy. what nonsense. its still fats. yay. so bottom line, gyming is fun! oh yes i can dl (download?) dono how many plates now. (hey wouldnt it be cool if we could just download muscles?)

oh ya. my bro helped me to iron my shirt. so if u're reading this... DA JIE!! ER JIE!!! AND JIAN QUAN (spell right anot?).. WO AI NI MEN!!! yes i hardly show any affection to u guys..but deep inside.. wo ai si ni men le!!!

ok i dont know what to do now. maybe i'll just go slaughter the person who hacked into my blog and wrote this weird post for me. ah ha...cos my blog has been dead for soo long. so its about time a new post got .. posted?

hmm what else do i normally write about.. oh yes. my dreams of becomming a peacock one day. they are such beautiful creatures. i like the tail feathers. one of these days go malay village and buy one.

eh heh! jian.. u can thank me now=)

On my own...

2005-10-12T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hmmm things turn out differently from wad normally happens but dats life i guess...well if there seems to be so much problem trainin in groups due to me den i guess bein on my own to try things out for myself wont hurt much i guess...somehow feels different now...dunno but kinda interested in how it will turn out...i have started from followin the footsetps of others but now its time for me to step out n take things on my own...now at least if there is something wrong i can onli blame myself n no one else...independence on trainin...how intriguing...well time to rely on myself n no else so im kinda looking forward to see how it turns out haha...dont get me wrong or wad but im not tryin to dis u guys or wad but maybe different ppl have different attitudes n work differently i guess...well each to their own eh?? Im serious though when i wished u guys good luck in ur trainin n i really hope dat u guys will be able to win wad u all have set out to do n i would give u guys my support in claiming the first places in ur competitions in the not too distant future...

If ppl can start off on their own why shouldnt i be able to do so myself too??I wont give up on my training...no way...its onli the beginning now...a new chapter dats starting out n how the end is going to be is up to me to set it to...so look out cuz here i come!! woppeee!! ( a lil high from too much coffee i guess :P) Have to get my mindset to having to rely on myself so no more reliance but on my own...well tomorrow is gonna be the start n i shall start wif the weakest dat is shoulders n hope for all the best ba...Looking forward to a new begining...

Something new: a quote after every post now n start things off wif something fresh...

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do what you can.

hearts

2005-10-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

A broken heart dat i found... A heart wif hope...

bad day...

2005-10-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

Ahh lousy day today sia...kena woke up by my dad at nine in da morning on a saturday mornin just to clear up the house...was suppose to woke up last nite at one to continue to study but guess i must have pressed the alarm away n hence slept to the morning...wasted precious time being unable to continue my studies...had to do geog notes now as my bro is havin his geog test on monday n he asked me to help him do when he saw me doing my notes...well got one nite to rush all so he can have it by tmr to study n hopefully it would be some use to him...

Went to nico's house to study today cuz he called me over den after doing a little n i do mean very little work went to gym n he decided to tag along...he said at first dat he wanted to do upper pec so i said ok just follow wad im going to do..well first instruction told him to warm up with flies den he say nooooo not "physical" enough for him...well...so he went on to do his more "physical" stuff dumbell press...5kg on each side @_@! den he did 15 reps n told me waaa so siong ar... o.O" ok...den he changed his mind n say he wanted to do decline bench for lower pec n doing empty bar for 3 sets...when i asked him to spot me in doing incline i asked him first if he knew how to spot n was going to explain to him when he insist no problem he know la...well first set he knock my left causing it to be unblanace den he steped off the assisting platform n left me there wif one side of the weight unbalanced n nearly crashin down on me... -.- he claimed he know how n being foolish of me i decided to try again n dis time he assisted by yanking the whole bar up on the first rep...diaos...i decided dat i had enough n end up ask felix to assist for one set n the rest asked the gym instuctor peter to help...screwed up my trainin cuz of dat but luckily the subsequent excercises n set managed quite ok...have been months since i did incline n must make it a habit to do so at least once a week...onli good thing was finally calf raise increase to 130kg of 6 reps in the last set for calves but now it hurts like !#$^&* even sitting down... =x
ahhh saw felix deadlift three plates today!!!good god dats 140kg!! if i can even do 100kg at end of dis year im happy liao...

Class pic minus ming wee,randall,allester n felix cuz he disapperared!!

Now am no longer marist liao so i guess its only looking onward n no more backwards for me...the future lies ahead but remains blurry...

Memories...

2005-10-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of school and after today and next friday's lever ceremony would no longer be a marist no more...how fast it seems dat time flies and it seems onli like yesterday when i first entered maris stella high in primary one and without knowing the journey has finally came to an end after ten years...well i look forward to the unknown future out there dat lies awaiting but i would always rememebr the school dat i have came from n spent my years in...Ironically though on the last day of school i had to come late...two other marists were on the same bus as me but as i was seated inside n cant reach the bell i thought that they would press it...however it seems like they thought i was going to press n hence both didnt do anything until the bus went all da way to cedar bus stop...had to walk back from there and then it had to start raining...wad a way to start off the last day of school...spent time taking photos in class and signing ppl's photo too n den went off to hall where listened to the teachers talk till i fell asleep as usual...woke up n its recess but decided to just cut school short n skip the mass after that n head to gym...lost my shaker hence have to use another 8 gold just to get another one leaving me left wif onli 4 gold... T_T

Well i have also chance by tagboards that made me went by a few n look up to some tags made in the past n well i think its better if i leave everything that belong in the past where it is n do not comtemplate bout them anymore...i would rather not seek problems at this point of time n as the saying goes let bygone be bygone...so just look to the future n not back into the past...

O level in 11 days arghh...bio has much left to be crammed so i better go do some mass cram...future lies at stake although the future is as unsteady as always...

First post in a new layout...

2005-10-06T23:04:00.000-07:00

"Me n my small back after 4 months..."

"My narrow back...for now but soon will change i hope..."

Finally i have decided to take my pics to see for development and well i guess i finally got down to doing it...small i still am but hey everyone got to start off somewhere so i guess its ok ba...dis pic i consider most improvment as last time i recall my back was flat n totally so small dat aint nothin could be seem...wad a disgrace i am...although its still small n not impressive but im surprised to say could see improvements so its ok :)

Haha got new blog layout thanks again n again soh its always u whos helpin out wif my blog n stuff until i very paiseh wasted two hours of ur time... =.= hehe... dont be too discouraged by ur results as remember that the o lvl is the main one so from now to the o's just work hard n sure can attain ur desired results!! Im always here to help in anyways that i can so feel free to ask me as long as i can help u n not bring more burden to u :P

Tmr is the last of school n guess like the ending of my secondary school life is comming to a fast end...took some class pics today during chem n physics ...

Well o lvl is comming nearer and nearer so i guess training have to take a backseat now but wont nglect it totally...after o's will go full force n train man to make sure i grow more!!! Well im offt o study den...tired but no choice...

Third last day of school...

2005-10-04T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today marks the third last day of school before i leave the school...after staying in the school for ten long years finally its time for me to move on n see the outside world...collected my name tag today but wear three more days den dun need liao so kinda useless to go make in the first place -.-"

Worrying kept me up dis morning when dunno for some unknown reason i woke up at four plus in da morning n counted fourteen days onli to the start of the o level practical...die liao so fast everything is coming n worse is on days there are two or more papers to be taken!!Have to do some massive speed cramming now before im dead man...

Life kinda stinks wif some unknown stranger using my name n tagging bloody nonsense everywhere...stupid twit...no life...den there is dis continuous making fun from felix they all about "WOW SO "BIG" n stuff like dat...i train u all also say...dont train u also say...so wth...i rather ppl say im small den to be sarcastic like dis n spread crap all over...its like saying wow u r so smart n ask u which is more 33 or 36 n u choose the first... -.-"

Pressure stress n everything is mounting up now n sometimes i wish i can just have more quiet times to just relax n unwind without having to worry bout so many stuff in life...but dats not possible now n guess like the onli chance im ever going to get it is when im finally overcame all the obstacles n problems dat im still facing...

Besely n the tai hong was going on about dis joke in maths class n it goes like dis:

Knock knock

Whos there?

Go F**k urself...

Guess like things have became so boring n lame dat even the jokes they r comming up wif r of such standard o.O" well of i go den to tuition n den study ba...

Update,,

2005-10-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since i have last updated liao...com was down so cant realli blame me but at least now after so long my dad finally got a new cpu so finally can come online...well its better late than never i guess...hmmm not much realli to update but still shall try to fill in wad had happened throughout this period of time...

Prelims are finally over...well the results r like dis:
English:B4
Emaths:D7
Chinese:B3
Bio:B3
History:A1 :)
Combine science:D7
Combine Humanities: A1 :)
L1 R5: 19
CCA grade: A1

Well i was hoping for slightly better marks but i guess dis should suffice for the moment...as everyone can see im not much of a science or maths student but rather more of the humanities inclinded side so i hope to be able to take arts in JC...aiming to go to MJC but the captain of the softball team from TPJC had called a few of us to join them as he was my senior...if i go over to TPJC den i can go my first three months...but i rather go MJC n it might seem like wasting three months of non-working...arghh...got less than two weeks to consider n make up my mind...this is the first time i score distinctions in test n i would gotten two A1s n one A2 for bio but too bad i failed my prelim one den plus my prelim two i got 69...just one mark more!!!But never mind its the o level dat matters so im gonna pump in all i got to make sure i do my best in it n get to where i want to...n it also seems dat dis marks r considered quite okable so i guess i got no real reason to complain...to those who didnt do dat well during the prelims dont worri theres still the o level which is more important...those who did well keep it up n work hard too...

Next friday is the last day of school for me...den after the leavers ceremony on 14th i would officially no longer retain the title of being a marist...after ten long years of being in the school didnt think it will end so soon...always been complaining n grumbling bout the school but after being with it for so long i guess i kinda gotten some closeness with it n its gonna feel wierd leaving it too...well i hope dat wont lose contacts wif the rest of the ppl when we go our seperate ways after the o's n dat someday we would be able to just gatehr around n hang out ba...

It has been four months since i started training...well there are some slight progress but still...hmmm myren n felix dun have to say are growing bigger n bigger as usual n have reached some impressive size for 16 years old...im sure they are one of the biggest of 16 years old in singapore n dat aint a lie man...wish i can reach their current size by end of next year n dat will be good enough as a goal setting...for christmas dis year i wish to have back,forearms,chest like felix n quads,trepz,biceps like myren haha...wishful daydream i guess...have been hearing different stuffs bout my training some would tell me dat i have grown n have became bigger liao (not the felix,myren wei hao silly strong man nonsense dats just suaning me cuz i smaller than u all:( den u all make fun of me sia) but there r still the others like wad nick said dat day bout other than my arms grow bigger a lil not much diff...*ouch* but hey at least dat is constructive critisim n i can take it...shall work harder den n show some results hopefully by end of this year eh?may consider taking pictures to use as comparission for future use too...

Hmmm it has been a while since i last saw u n the last time i saw u was under some differant cirumstances...but after all dis time my feelings for u still haven changed a bit...did some reflections n maybe i was the one who had changed n caused the problems we had...im glad dat at least now there is the chance n possiblites once again for us to get together after the o's n this time im gonna make sure dat i wont make the same mistakes dat happened before...take things one step at a time ba n hopefully there will be results den...to cherish hope is the characteristics of man...its onli the difference in how much one dare to hope dat seperates one from the other...so i shall continue to hope on n look forward to a better tommorow where one day all might be achieved...

i guess its the end...

2005-09-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

I never thought that this would happen to me...have always thought myself to be above such stuffs but after so long of chasing dreams i woke back up into the cruel reality...love n stuffs never turn out in any way dat they are suppose to n its onli brings about problems dat just cause hurt i guess...its gonna be a long time before i guess i will ever trust my own feelings toward any girls from now onwards...5th septemeber 2005 marks it...the end of something more than friends but less than a realationship...guess its kinda obvious by now on wad im talking bout...the girl dat i have always had feelings for told me off all of a sudden dat she has lost wad feelings that she used to have n cannot see us being together...words cant describe how i felt at that moment...it was as if my world came crashin down on me...she meant more than anything else to me n i would willingly give up anything for her but it wasnt vice versa...a relationship has to be of a two sided n takes two hand to clap...wads the use if my dis hand is willing to do so but the other hand does not??

The feeling of losing something dat has already became a part of my life was horrible...i never thought i would ever shed tears for a gal before but once again i was proven wrong...although i kept telling myself to be a man n take it in my stride but still its no point lying or denying dat it hurts just so bad...months of hopes n dreams...priceless time dat we had together be it good or bad i guess it has came to an end...learnt some valuable lessons throughout this journey...some of them are like never be the fool to trust urself totally to ur feelings even if it seems so real at that moment...my first time i actually fell for a girl n it turns out to be like so craped up...maybe im just not meant for anything good to happen n i really ought to take a good view on myself n know dat i am not suited for any good stuffs...i was right from the start when we got to know each other n i have somehow always thought that i was never good enough for her...guess im right on dat count...

Wad realli hurt me the most was dat if it wasnt for the fact that the inital start was me being led on by her i would not have dared to show my feelings n now its all smashed into smitherings...i missed the times we had together n enjoy the moment spent but im not sure if i was given a chance would i still choose the same route anymore...is the pain im going through now realli worth it??How i wished i wasnt given the hope at the starting where i would den kept all my feelings to myself n wont end up getting hurt unecessarily but wads done is done...take it as a lesson learnt the hard way n i deserve it den...U offer friendship n nothin more where as i offer relationship n nothing less...how am i going to be able to see u again as a friend when we were always more than that...guess like its either i slowly get use to it which i think is highly unlikely but still a chance or its removing u from my life for good...

Im not sure if my blogg is going to be closed soon or wad...it wasnt even set up by me in the first place n if it is going to be close down den so be it...i dun have much say in it but thanks very much amanda for listening to me n being there so i could share my problem wif...guess like i should still be glad i have some frens that i can trust n confide my problems wif...dont think so much bout ur grandfather thingy n spend as much time as possible wif him den...dun come to start to miss something onli when u lose it...shall see i would be able to continue posting on this blogg or wether i have to start a new one...if it is just wait for my new address if necessary den...dun feel like writing anymore now for the moment n guess im stopping here...continue on next time if there is a next...

Prelims...

2005-08-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

Haven been updating my blog for close to like a month plus??jeez its becoming dead already sia...sighs...prelim are almost over wif one last history paper on tuesday...kinda screwed up again in prelim n yes once more i was left wif the thought that i SHOULD have started studying a few months ago...sounds familiar??well dats casue i said dat the last test too.... -.-" well this time im serious...after prelims im gonna onli take two day rest n then its everyday hitting the books to prepare for the major test...the O LVL!!!jeez so fast to o lvl n preparation must go underway...

Gyming has been too good other than shoulders...rest of the body just screw up n after resting four days totally cannot even keep up with my previous weights...arghhh frustrating but i shall do my best n end it by the end of this week n bounce back to normal...no more resting n more into training...enough is enough...

Life at home basically stinks a lot n i realli detest going home nowadays...would rather gym n spend my time outside studyin then go back...dad is being a jerk...mom naggs a lot...grandma is getting more n more unreasonable n siblings r like having extra troubles...bleahs...

Found out recently dat in life cant realli trust ppl nowadays...have started to lost my trust in my family,studies,everyone around me,n even stop trusting my feelings n in wad im doing...haiz wad is happening...i realli wish i know...

stress uping...

2005-07-21T10:59:00.000-07:00

Prelims are just around the corner n approaching wif each day dat past...in less than three weeks the time will come where i would have to face the dreaded exams...darn stress sia...spotted so much more white hair when i was showerin n concluded dat it must be due to the increase stress dat leads to the extra white hairs...sianz studying hard now...but feelin tired easily n gets distracted easily...ahh...

Although prelims are commin still continue to gym as always...cant expect a person to be buried in books 24/7 man...have been slowly tring to up the weights n today for the first time dumbell press touch the "snail" 17.5kg which i have never used before cause its like 2.gk heavier than my normal but could do it quite ok...bench also increase the weight as in first two sets no need assistance totally plus the fact that now second set using increased weight from last time...previously was 11.25kg on each side for second set but now using 12.5kg on each side for second set n can do without assistance..wohoo inch by inch slowly but surely to the goal of benching 15kg on each side without assistance by the end of year...oh n man the chocalate champion nutrition taste so damning good when add with milk man...best i have ever tasted of all i tried before...cant wait to take it tmr too...

I have said before already i guess its time for me to take a less active role n just see den...

My shadow is only one that walks beside me...
My shadow's heart the onli thing thats beating...
Sometimes i wish someone out there will find me...
Till then i walk alone...

wth..

2005-07-18T04:31:00.000-07:00

Jeez first day of the week today went off on a bad start sia...kena scolding by stupid sharon tan just because i go toilet without asking durnin the change of period den i have to be punnished to stand outside...didnt get to see my physics marks because of dat wth...legs n butt were still hurting after yesterday went to train two times once in the afternoon n once at nite...had to rush the one at nite thought cause we arrived late at the gym n onli had 30 mins or less to train...did legs n chest yesterday dats y legs hurts like nuts...ahhh den tmr is the nafa retest for 2.4km run...oh shit mans...i dint go for the test because of softball competition den how am i going to run now wif my legs still feeling from sunday quads training??...die liao cant even walk properly how to run...dis time realli gone liao...

Stupid sis of mine also...watch the tong xing yuan den say dat im like the daqiu guy who will do anything for the stakes of the company...im like wth...compare me wif this sort of ppl...arghh bloody hell...f nuts la...quite pity the dayang guy though...like the baobei yet still cannot like...ahh....life...

Sighs...is it because i gave too much or wad dat i have been take for granted?sighs...i dunno...mums nagging at me liao time to go bathe n do my stuff den...

FEAR NOT THAT U MIGHT LOVE N LOSE..

FEAR RATHER THAT U MIGHT NEVER LOVE AT ALL...

is this true??

weekends..

2005-07-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

Ahh finnish chinese listening today...dang some answers of mine r like differant from so many ppl but hopefully is they wrong n im correct...sorry but this is how it goes every man for himself at the o lvls sia...i pang chance im gonna be a goner den...today waited from 2.15 to 3 den finally start the listening compre sia...so many of us fell asleep in front of the examiner while waitin n have to be waken by the examiner when its around 3 =P

Ahh wad is doen is doen den let the listening be put behind den no point frettin over it now since it aint gonna make no difference anyway...went to do triceps n abs today at kallang after the paper...i didnt know dat triceps make up 2/3 of the arm...i thought it was always the biceps dats y i focus more on biceps den triceps..time to change n also foucs equally or more on my triceps after learning bout dis new info today...ahh triceps r so dang weak sia...its like having to start all over again when i first lifted weights whenever i do triceps cause its so damn weak sia...have to work on it...

Sorri bout yesterday princess but im glad u r not angry at me over it *phew* =D guess u will be going away for the next few days n im gonna miss u when u r gone...u might not feel the same but for me its so wierd whenever i dun call n talk to u n when u r not around its just gonna be so lonely...ahh nvm shall study hard n gym hard durin this time n hope u had a great time on ur vacation :) prelims n o levels are comming so make full use of this oppurtunity to have fun while u still can before heading into serious mugging...take care of urself too i will be waitin for u to come back n dont forget to have fun!!

words...

2005-07-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

Jeez days to approachin prelims are like 31 days sia dang it stress monting sia...maybe dats y my temper has been quite bad recently sia...snapped back at lost of ppl for no reasons n stuff n sometimes just yell out loud in frustration arghhh...lots of stuff to cover in this short period of time n once again i wished i had started studyin earlier although im not sure if i would still rememebr if i actually did dat...but still its a thought...

Tmr is chinese o lvl listening comprehension sia...have to do well for this section to make up for my stupid oral which is horrible sia...heck just gonna give it my best shot den...bought new supplement rececently...15 packs of champion nutrition sia one packet 2 servings 46-52 grams of protein...varies wif the flavour as onli vanilla have 52 the rest such as coco mocachino n chocalate are 46 but taste damn nice sia...especially when add milk taste like chocalate drinks sia wayyyy better than the old yucky one...currently broke sia onli have 10 golds in saving sia but i want to buy my creatine sia...need another 50 bucks...dang it have to save like crazy man...plus the fact i may want to get another 15 packets of the champion nutrition X-X gonna blow a hole in my wallet ahhh...

Today went to do chest at kallang wif terrence at myren they all...did a lil in school already though did dumbell press 16kg 4 sets cuz dats the heaviest we had in our school gym sobs so lousy...today a lil differant cuz went to do smith machine instead of normal free weight den finally for the first time i was able to bench n move wif a 20kg plate on each side although it is due to normal free weight the bar will have another 20kg dats y can onli do 10k+ on each side but today first time do feels quite nice using big plate for once...shall train till i can do big plate for even the normal free weight instead of having to rely on smith machine...working n traing hard for the goal den...

Times realli changed as last time it used to be both thinking of each other but lately was given the feeling dat its onli me or something like dat...sighs...dunno wad is going on but can onli hope for the best as i dunno wad to do nowadays when u choose to be like dis...have been listenin to songs lyrics nowadays more carefully n realised dat there r A LOT of songs bout relations thingy but y is there so little positive type of songs but so many sad ones...sighs...

blabberin nonsense...

2005-07-10T23:14:00.000-07:00

Ahh tmr is the chinese o lvl oral for me sia...hopefully can do well in it n secure better results for my chinese...need an A1 for chinese real bad...aiya its the time of the month again to fork out $$ for supplement once more...alamak...gonna take gold from my mum first hopefully she wont blow up another fuss or wad...how i wish i was born rich instead of wad i am now...lots of restriction bein poor like me sia...envy those who got money but although the sayin money isnt everything...money is just MOST of everything...

Watched back to the future rerun on tv again just now...somehow it brings back memory of the past few months...watching the flashbacks in my mind brings about mixed feelings...many things that i never thought would happen happened to me...i still rememeber dat last time when everything was new i would have differant feelings whenever i was about to call u...used to be last time call u just to make arrangement for outings or wad den kinda end up talkin bout other stuff n chattin instead...last time it wasnt just me makin the calls but sometimes it would come as a pleasant surprise hearin u call...nowadays its most of the time just one side though...i could still remember dat in the past used to recieve many msgs in just one day alone n always looked forward to those msgs cuz it does gives the feelin of being special or just the simple thought that someone would be bothered to even take out a lil bit of time n spent it on me...somehow dat feelin is pleasant n dun realli know how to elaborate much on dat other than that...although it changed now...i know dat everything cant always remain the same as the past but sometimes looking at the past i sometimes long for those times dat are gone n hardly being able to replace again...gotten closer from the past but after watching back to the future somehwo made me think dat its not that bad if im given the chance to go back once a while to the past so i could enjoy thsoe times den...wont it be just wonderful?? *sighs wishful thinking*

Used to think dat i would never seriously fall for a girl or wad but....i was still havin this concept of girls being half humans in the past n there has been some changes to my way of thinking already...although sometimes the behaviour of girls still leave me bewildered n confused at times...love maybe is a perception dat is differant n may vary from differant ppl but still....dont realli know wad to say bout it...dun realli believe in gods n stuffs like dat but used it as a figure of speech...

If the whole world dont know n understand wad i feel den at least let the one understand...
But if the one cant understand or relate to it den i guess there is still god to know how i feel...

how could dis happen to me?...

2005-07-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

Long time haven updated my blog liao guess like i dun realli have time to do so nowadays sia...many things have happen...things that have big impact n small on me...my life seems to be changin...dat is one thing for sure...never had to go through so much within such a short period of time but well since it is commin i might as well face it head on...

Gymin now is so-so...haven realli made any big improvement or wad but i shall work hard for wad i want n train hard too...more n more ppl r startin to train liao...first it myren n felix who started the whole gyming thingy until i got caught up in it too...den wei hao came...den jaryl teo,den terrence n desmond lau even came today sia...guess like its catchin on...its good on one hand as wif more ppl to train there will be more trainin partners...but on the other hand facin tremendous pressure to do my best so that i wont lose out to them...after all i started two months liao so i should kinda be ahead n i still want to get better...friggin health is driving me nuts...first i had fever den now havin a prolong cough...tmd i want to quickly get well so dat i can be at my 100 percent sia...sigh...training n working hard den...

My so called "l**e life" as how ben they all will term it is not doing so well i guess...i never knew dat after every arguement n disagreements we had it was such an impact to u...im realli sorri for all the past mistakes i have made n if im given the chance to turn back time i will change it all for the better instead but sadly i cant...i can onli pray n wish dat u can still see the hope in us being together n let me have another chance for me to make up for my wrongs...let me be able to learn from my wrongs so dat i can be the best for u...i know i may not be better than other guys in one way or another...but let me at least try to be better...dun give up or the hope now or even stop for a break...when things stop the inertia will make it harder to get back on track again...i want u to know dat it is not true when u say i get angry at u or wad...the truth is whenever somethin goes wrong i blame myself n others for wad happen but i was never angry at u...whenever there was a period of silence its because im tryin to make sure dat the next time the same mistake wont happen again...dis u might not know or believe but its realli the truth....

My frens r telling me dat im a gonner in dis n stuffs like dat...but i refuse to give up now...i was never a quitter n never will be...things that i hold value to me r hard for me to let go...so when it comes to u being the most important thing of all...its needless to say dat unless i have given everythin i had n failed,i wont give up on us...all im askin for is u to hold on to the hope...dun give up...let me show u dat there will be a happy ending for us...let me relight ur hope n spirit...

I know dat although i may be willing n all on my side...these sort of things must be a two sided thingy...if after everythin u still think dat its realli so impossible for us den i hope u will make the end swift n fast for me even though i pray n hope against havin to go through it but i just need to know wad u want the future to be...its all in ur hand now n i can onli hope against hope...wish against all...

Things were never meant to be this way,
I never thought there will be this day...
When i have to be caught up like dis...
But as long as there is hope left i will go for it...
Other wise just break my heart once n for all...
Dun leave me dangling there confused n hurt...
Wadever it is u know how much i still love u n hope dat there will be a chance for us...

school reopenin soon...

2005-06-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

I have decided to take away the previous uncompleted post bout the chalet thingy as i dun think i will go about to completing it anyway n i dun see the need to post about something that seem just like onli a distant good memory when now its seems so unreal...to be able to just unwind n be carefree...

I cant do anything to help n i guess im not really good for anything den...just go on n do ur stuff n i wont bother u den...its the least i can do now...

Darwin has started to join in going to the gym...its good to have another fren to go train wif but this also means more pressure on myself in having to be able to be better than him since i started off earlier...sigh life is one long race wif stupid bumps n pauses along the way...

Oh n i just went to get a haircut but because my hair too short for the hairstyle i want the person haev to kinda "repair" my hair first n den i have to give it time to grow so now looking very wierd...sigh oh well nvm den im not going to be seein anyone for a while anyway so i guess it shouldnt matter...

hurt once more...

2005-06-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

Once again when i think that there is a glimmer of hope n chance for me it is dashed again...to be feeling so happy for the past few days but den to suddenly just drop to being hurt once more...i have already express my feelings for u through words n actions but i guess im still not worthy for u...i let myself be fooled n toyed wif until in the end im still on the losing end...

I thought that today was going to be a good day where i will be able to enjoy the time spent together but unfortunately u did wad it takes to make sure it never happen...i was bein myself at the startin but u jus dun seem to like it or acknowledge me being there...when i was by ur side u would den go off wif others n leave me there...i try not to feel hurt at first that when im makin n taking the initiative to start things at first these sort of things happen as i thought maybe after a while it will stop...but it didnt...everytime i do something the same thing happen till i totally just lost hope n gave up all together...

I realised dat u onli came to find me n ask bout me when u had enjoyed urself or when the people u r wif r like not wif u den would u think of me n come to me...i have become somethin for u to fall back on n used when u need company n when u dun need me u just dump me one side without thinkin...i dunno wad i did wrong to deserve this but it realli hurts...it is so hurtin to be treated this way n i jus try not to think bout it throughout the whole performance...

Den u go around tellin ppl that im ignoring u n stuffs but who is realli doing wad to whom now...everyone asked me wad is goin on n all but how am i to explain to them? The girls will not understand how i feel cause they are girls n im a guy...the guys wont understand either cause they r not in my situation...it was so bad that i just wanted to call my frens n talk to them on the phone instead of just watchin the performance wif u guys...too bad my phone was low on batt n i had to endure it all by myself...

I cant sleep now being botherd by the thoughts n all dats y i came to blog instead of just lyin around n tossin in my bed in the middle of the night...its jus not fair...y is it dat everytime i try my best but i jus dun seem worthy or good enough for u...

So happy :D

2005-06-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

Oh man past few days have been great!!love it sia...from gyming to swensen to...just every single bit...lets start wif yesterday at first in da morning when to gym do biceps n upper chest...biceps were ok not much to say about which is a bad thing cause dat means no improvment..booo...but chest hehe finally can see some lil improvement...last time started off wif 5kg on each side n always tio felix laughing at me how weak i was but at least now i can do 10kg on each side without assistance!!!!OH BABY!! =P my goal for chest is to be able to do 15kg on each side without assistance by the end of this year so have to work hard to fufill it =] myren lost his phone when we are leaving the gym den i was still asking him how come he is so calm n all...the next thing i knew when i got off the bus was i also lost my phone!!!wtf!!i went to cdc n met sochenda,poobalan they all n they really tried to help me find back my phone by calling my phone n searching for the interchange number so i can call to check...sochenda even sent a msg saying :"Yr wife water bag burst! Hurry up call me back.Emergency ward" @_@ haha in the end the interchange person realli called her den i had to go all the way to bukit merah interchange wif my ic to collect my phone back...

After that went for dinner at swensen zatan treat n it was so damn fun although me n soh thought we were late n didnt realli know the location so had to rush there but found out we werent the latest...in fact we were still earlier than some of the rest!!haha!ate a whole damn lot sia me n faird(tomo) even had one more main course ordered extre for us which i ate the most haha...then we had three earthquakes for our table n was so super stuffed...we had fun talking joking n eating n time just flies by so fast dat before we know it was ten plus already...we took pictures n when the total bill comes out ouch for zatan it was like 720 bucks!!!jeez talk about a heck of a meal sia...recieve lots of teasing bout ahem ahem stuffs but didnt really mind or wad...after all things that happen between us we should not really care wad others think...dats my opinion but i dunno bout urs though...had great fun though hope u enjoyed ur day as much as i did cause i know dat the reason y i could enjoy it so much was cause of u being there :)

This morning woke up at 7 to go to meridian junior college to take a look wif sochenda n chery chan...the school looks quite ok n the best part is the gym is actually quite nice sia...reminds me of katong gym n even have the cable crossover thingy sia!!second gym i see to have...shall work hard n study hard to get into the school together den lets do it!!Thanks very much for my present princess i love it =) ur the second person to give me birthday presents..first was myren n i thank u too dude shall continue to work hard trainin n not let anyone down...spent the rest of the afternoon at cdc n den have to help ivin i think dunno the name well to prepare for the drumming festival this sat so went to ite college den to bedok south secondary den finally to cdc again before comming home...ahh enjoyed today too haha n in around two hours plus im gonna turn sixteen liao hope all these happy stuffs r signs for a happier future after sixteen :)

ahh back again..

2005-06-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

Waa realli very long time never update my post liao so guess like its high time i do so...hmmm lots of interestin things happened recently from the before cohort seven camp to after...can still remember attending the leadership thingy before the cohort seven icebreaker n the next thing u know the camp is over liao...dats how time fly by when u r havin fun =)

I remembered that the day before camp i still train one last time of shoulders n slept at around one plus...woke up i nthe mornign at five plus cause had to meet at six thirty at mrt...was feeling very sleepy on the journey there n wad made things worse was my discman ran out of batt so cant listen to music n have to endure the whole boring journey dat lasted close to an hour...den meet up wif the rest of the group leaders and as usual there are late ppl so we ended up leaving the mrt not so early...it was raining heavily n we got drenched on our way there...after we reach there things happened very fast n soon the c7 ppl reach n the activities stared...my group was once again filled wif new faces n me n my partner xiao jun have to get to know them all over again n to make sure they mix n bond wif each other...activites followed by one after another n im proud dat my group started of as a quiet n unclosed group to a crazy,noisy n united group in the end =) yay!!!must be cause of the great leaders i think haha =P slept at around one plus two on the first night n woke up at six thirty...yawnz tired out sia but took my protein,coffee,n lots of sweets n was able to proceed on wif the next day...

Campfire was fun man the previous cohorts ppl turn up to join n i was surprised dat ppl like benjamin n even ming yi will go hahaha...we leaders performed a dance segment,advertistment,songs all by our own n we did not bad sia YAY!!!danced n enjoyed myself very much on that night n during that night we all slept late once again...no surprise at dat...woke up early again den went out for hike...ahhh sun hot hot sia very warm the whole day but nevertheless still enjoy ourselves...then it came to the sad part where we had to say goodbye to jac, n the cohort...the gals shed tears n even guys like timothy too as it was a sad time for all...we had all bonded together n did not want to let go of the bond...it was made sadder by the fact the jacq-jumping jacq our trainer was leaving nacli n wotn be facilitating anymore camps...i was feeling sad too as jacq had led two camps that i have went n i didnt want her to go too like the rest...went home tired,sad but still happy dat enjoyed the last few days of camp...

Went for some viedo course thingy the next day after gyming in the morning but was late for the vedio thingy so have to run like mad although the place is like onli five mins walk from my house...after the course went eat wif them till ten plus den go home n sleep...

I want to thank the group leaders,campfire leaders,teamleaders each forwad happen at the camp.

Xiao Jun: my partner/buddy who helped n made my group to be able to achieve wad we set out to do n bringing fun n laughter in the camp :)

Timothy: Thanks for helping out by joining in my group to help out in the activites n wif the gifts that we made last min for crazy wheezies plus the fact that the campfire that u n ivan did was great! :)

James:U were the ROLE MODEL sia for all of us even zatan said so haha so keep it up dude! :)

Shab:Ur never give up spirit on ur group had shown all of us wad u r capable of doing n plus ur musical n dance talents helped to brighten the camp up thanks! :)

PJ:Haha thanks for being a "mummy" for us all n looking after each n everyone of us n guiding us,without u cohort 7 will never be wad it is :)

Toyz:Yoz big brother thanks for looking out for all of us n helping each n everyone of us when we needed help u too made a big contribution to the sucess for the camp n it wont be the same without u :)

Ivan:Smiling guy who seems a lil gay but nvm helped to make us all laugh n created a magical campfire thanks :)

Turtle:The loudest among the girl leaders n certainly one dat is full of spirit to keep the camp going to a higher level keep going gal :)

Superstar Melise:One who is lively n brings along wif her the cute n sometimes a lil "childish" ideas wif her but dats wad makes everything fun wif wad she do :)

The two Farids:I really must thank u two guys for being so crazy n lively dat made me dare to become crazier like u guys too...without ur craziness n dariness to do all the wierd unique stuffs to make the camp fun i wont know wad it will be like without ur so thanks!! :)

Overall i loved the c7 camp n enjoyed every single bit of it but although i enjoy the camp i still spend the three days two nites missing u n thinking bout u all da time...u r never far from my thoughts...

before cohort seven camp...

2005-06-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Ahh tomorrow will be going for cohort seven camp liao...have to meet at bouna vista mrt at 6.30AM!!!!holy shit dat means im gonna have to be up like god knows how early sia...have to make sure i have a good breakfast cause i dunno if im gonna be able to maintain the same level of protein intake for the next three days two nite of the camp...packed six servings of supplement to last me three days but other than that i will have to find other means to get my protein...waaa...no chicken breast,nutrisoy,wholemeal where can i find my protein??sobs...

Oh yea man today was my last training before i can train again for the next three days n choose to do shoulders today...asked my fren ryan to come n help but he turn up like how late sia...luckily myren also there today den he also doing shoulders haha lucky me...today started differantly cuz myren said do military press first...normally will start wif dumbell press so dis is something of a differant routine...he said used 20kg for warmup set n i was like wth dat is like normally my second last set the weight n had to struggle like f nuts to do it...but myren say no...do it n i did to my surprise i can do twelve as warmup wif it while normally i cant even do the eight for my second sets...maybe its because i normally military press as second excercise den would be tired a lil by den...but after being able to do the 20kg i was given a confidence boost which i rarely get nowadays...did four sets n even up the weight to 25kg in the end n i was very happy cause today the assistance given was quite minimal i think so its good =) did dumbell press afterwards wif two sets of 12 using 10kg den another 2 sets of 8 wif 12.5kg yay!!!felt great man...maybe its cause got four gals at the gym nearby den before i started i saw dem doing shoulders n i told myself dat i must not lose out to them or its gonna be ultra humilating...they were looking as myren did his sets too n obviously i mean like look at myren sia...he is like way bigger than me n doing heavier n stuffs but dis just push me on to make sure i dont do too badly myself so i guess dats y today the form is not bad haha =P did lateral raise n wif myren pushing me today i did it till my shoulder waa can feel the burn sia...ohh baby...den did barbell shrugs( at least i think dats wad it is called)last set did 60kg n oh man does it feel good...had to rush after dat cause i was late for meeting den i had to rush my dumbell shrugs last set...but as i left the gym i was feeling kinda reluctant as i cannot train for three days...oh man this is gonna set me back sia...

Went to cdc to listen to them talk bout the campfire nite thingy n was qutie boring actually...fell asleep a few times but was woken up many times...was actually looking forward to going to cdc cause i wanted to see someone but somehow as usual when finally there n all .....lets just say the other half of me that expected wad will happen was right so i kinda got over it...lesson learnt never put too much hopes or expectation into something or else when it fails ur gonna go down like hell...lucky got gym today to keep me happy so i guess im still in a ok mood after all...found out dat protein taken wif soyabean milk is the onli way to get rid of the horrible taste n plus got more protein from the soyabean milk too!!!packed my stuff for camp already but dunno if i brought everything along a not...going to go check again to make sure all the stuff dat needs to be brought is in...guess like the next time i will be blogging will be three days later...gonna have a campfire on thurday where the seniors YA will be back...i somehow look forward to it but there is the other half of me dat tells me its gonna be something bad dat will onli cause me to be upset...well can onli hope n see ba...leave it to fate to see if its realli meant to be or not...

signs...

2005-06-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

Ahhh haven updated my blog for quite some time liao...guess i finally got down to doing it...life has been ups n downs for me since the last entry...experienced the pits n yet still somehow managed to salvage some lil bit of happiness here n there...but those lil happiness i just realised came from trainin...other than that i realised dat i haven been able to enjoy happiness in any other stuffs...jeez wad a sad life i lead onli can turn to gyming for enjoyment...but heck nvm den after all i do enjoy building muscles now more than ever...can say there seem to be some lil improvement in being able to do more now in the gym but sigh want to see more reults sia...shall continue to work hard den...no time to slack now...wad makes me quite glad was that i got my supplement at the warehouse sale on saturday for 70% off!!!OMG!!!dats a lot for a poor dope like me sia...the orginal price of it was 126.90 but after did count become 38+!!!waa was damn happy somemore got 55servings wif each serving 25g of protein!!dats close to double of my last supplement no wonder the orginal price was also like double of my last one =D wei hao has kinda of like become my new training partner now dat willy dunno god knows train until where n when...eh willy if u want us to train u must like give us ur number or something so dat we can contact u where n when we train ma...dun say we never try to help out hor...ask u to train a lot of times wif us but u want to do it alone...well up to u den dats all i can say...

Other than gyming the happy side...things aint going so well for the rest of my lil life...not sure if im reading wad signs that keep being shown correctly...if it is really dat way dat u think of it den im realli sorry n sad dat u want it to be dat way den...the saying about wad the right guy for u wont make u cry or something...but i did made u cry before n u bring it up quite often...r u trying to say something bout it??sigh dunno in a very disturbed mood...didnt realised dat gals can be like....better not say... = looking at felix n myren situation sometimes get me angry,disturbed,depressed n worried...y must dis sort of things happen...i have always thought that if a guy like a gal n a gal like back the guy,it will be naturally right for them to get together...somehow everyone is like telling me im wrong...am i really wrong bout dat conception or r they wrong??very confused...im trying my best to do all i can again but when signs like dis are being shown at me i dunno wad to do...some from the person i like while others i watch ppl i know go through their own problems...wad am i suppose to do for things to be right??

My birthday is coming soon...sigh...another reminder that im getting old n dat o level is at the corner...somehow not really looking forward to my birthday dis month...its like when im already feeling very screwed up now in my life how can i go n enjoy my birthday??onli good thing was my mum gave me an early present by giving me thirty bucks to go buy my supplement which is very surprising for she dun encourage me to train but yet she somehow understand a lil dat training is something i enjoy although i often come home with aches n pains but i still like wad im doing...dis makes me glad dat at least my mum aint totally bad n still support me a lil here n there although i know we are not rich or wad but she still manages to gives me the lil finanicial support to allow me to pursue wad i want...this is another thing that at least maks things better for me...support from others. so i know dat they really care n not just pretending to do so like some other ppls dat i know of...

Relationships wif my frens seem to have changed...just because i start going to the gym n tend to hang out a lil more wif those who also go to the gym frens like kinda of stray away n each went their own way...i rememeber the old times when i hang out wif the differant groups of frens doing differant stuffs n having lots of fun...well things have changed n i guess we each take our own differant paths now...each wif differant intrests n veiws thus leading to wad it is today...cant say i dun miss the old times but i cant help it since life is like dat...i guess i can onli just live on wif it...

Quite sad come to think of it...being burden down by differant problems everyday...wif differant worries n thoughts...the reason for all these r due to the actions done by others that induce these thinking n thoughts...how many will understand the feeling of mixed emotions everydat? to feel happy n worried at the same time...to feel pain but still live on wif it...to have so many things going through ur life dat others who dunno wont know how u feel or how its like...to feel insecure but yet to keep on hoping...such is the way of my life n its just the way it is...i look forward to the aches n fatigue dat comes at the end of the day so i can sleep easily without having to think so much cause when a person is tired n lies on the bed...sleep comes easily....

after chinese o level...

2005-05-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

Ahh haven been blogging for so long due to chinese o level...finally its over...studied my pants off for this stupid thing n den have to screw up by forgetting two of the words that are tested...wad a bummer...did my paper today n was very very tired during the exam...slept for onli like how many hours for the past two days...cant sleep wif all the words running about in my head...damn it i hate my sis she is a bitch man...she ate my chocolates,drank my nutrisoy when i specifically told everyone NOT to touch my food n stuffs...ruin up my protein intake for a few days as i have to readjust n buy back my stuff...dis is a very bad time to do so especially when my protein had finnished like for one week ago n now im in serious need of it...bloody cow...hate her man...gonna find a way to screw up her things one way or another...

Been selected to be a leader for the cohort seven camp weeee!!!my initital partner was suppose to be hui yu but she cant make it n den it changed to xiao jun now...both of us r now the official group leaders of group 3 ( i choose group three cause i was also previously from group three :D ) met the group memebers on friday although when reach nacli(the camp site) there might be changes cause the group memebers aint finallise yet...we had ice breaker on friday n we played games like whacko,broken telephone n sang songs dance n basically had a lot of fun...the bad thing to it though...i split my jeans on friday during the activities n dunno when...wa so malu lor...it was onli when debrief time den i found out den like wth...jeez...

Went gym today after the paper to do chest n biceps...yay chest finally the stupid bench press can do until at least 12.5 on each side...yes it may seem little especially when compared to felix n myren they all who r like doing 20 on each side but hey there has been an improvement n im gonna work harder on it...however when it comes to the dumbell press dunno y do at katong like better than doing at kallang as can do heavier,more steady,n form better...maybe its the squarish shape of the weights at katong that makes it very nice for me to use ba...next time do chest will stick to katong den...biceps today did onli three excercise cause didnt realli have much energy left to continue on the rest...damn stupid right arm can curl 10kg but when it comes to the left arm...arghh hate my freakin unbalanced weak left arm...damn it...this sux i can do more than wee hao n yet he is like bigger than me...wth so unfair...or izzit because i didnt take enough protein or food to grow so no matter how much i train still not good enough??shall go n ponder over dat then...

WAS feeling quite well during the after noon maybe its because of randall's bombay saphire (47% alcohol) drank two shots of it after the paper thus maybe got a lil light headed but hey its a good feeling =) den i have to get played out while i was talking on the phone...somehow dunno y the opposite party just hang up on me after talking for a while just like dat out of the blue...i called back n was rejected this time...wth...never mind den if dis is the way its gonna be so be it dun want to talk can just say rite?Sigh like wad the heck its not like im gonna be gettin anything out after waiting on so its like...i dunno...always i try but not good enough...its just not right...always im giving in...trying so hard to improve but for some reason it never is good enough...forget it dun feel like bloggin anymore...have a stupid splitting headache dat has been wif me for almost a week...damn it...hurts like shit wif the hammering at the back of my head...think i go take a nap n catch up on my sleep time n let time heal wad is left of my already broken heart...zonk out....

Angry...

2005-05-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

Damn it im in a angry mood now...came home after gyming n my grandma had to crap a whole lot on me...some dumb ass guy who know my dad came over to my house n wanted to collect some crap ass document thingy...i dun know wtf is he searching for so i told her i dunno n ask her to wait till my younger bro bathe finnish n ask him...told her dat like three times dat i dunno but she keep insisiting that im lazy n all but wth i dun even know wad the stuff is on so i blew it up n shouted back at her n now shes crapping even more...damn it came home and this sort of nonsense have to greet me in the face just like dat...y cant i come back into a home dat is more like a normal home??Parents dat have problem wif everything i do...everything i eat...everything i have...siblings that r just pissing me off most of the time...a grandmother that is too overprotective who dun understand me...isist really dat hard to havea normal family?!

Stupid chinese o lvl is comming even nearer n nearer...damn almost everything in the world now...pissed off at so many ppl..so many things...so many bullshit nonsenes dat is going on..life is so f**ked up around now...or izzit jus exam stress dat is driving me nuts??Felix n myren keep saying im like so small n all...wads the bloody use of saying that now??I cant help it that i was borned dat way damn it...now dat im doing something about it can u all just lay back on all the talk n help if u want to...i am doing my best now to get as best as i can but just because u all may have started off differantly u dun have to keep rubbing it in my face everytime...because im small dats y im training to become bigger n stronger...so dun just keep telling me things dat aint gonna help me dat is just pissing me off...

Im angry dat my mum now have this all new plan to take more of my pocket money to maintain the food dat im eating nowadays such as the milk n bread stuffs...wth like dis im gonna be so damn broke liao how to even survive??Isnt it the parents duty to give the child nutrition till the child grows up n i thought all parents want wads best for their child??If dat is the case den y cant they just provide me wif the food n nutrition dat i need so dat i can be at my best at least??Im not asking for too much just dun have to reduce my already limited allowance...

Y cant the world understand how is it like to be living the lifestyle of me...ppl who think they know me or INSIST they know it n im just stubborn r the ppl who really dunno me...dun be so fast to place a label or judge me...im not who u think i am...dun think im gonna be like da rest...

realisation..

2005-05-14T20:26:00.000-07:00

Just realised some things that has been happening n found out the reason n the results of them all...guess like im not the onli one changin along...others around me r doing the same so maybe they can understand me now too...ppl like felix haiz...ur decision has already came out long time ago...no matter wad u say i could already see it comming...u claim its not true but the answer has been in u for quite a while already...u just dun want to look deeper n find out the truth n face it...be it the fear of complications or fear of the unexpectancy u will have to make the choice by urself...no one can really do anything bout it...dun drag things on if possible is the best advice i can give...dun end up like a familiar situation when it boils down to having to wait for a long period of time n trust me...during that freakin period of time it will suck more than dieting or studying for exams...

Some of my other frens r more fortunate n r getting along wif their life so much better...one could almost say that i envy them for leading their carefree lifestyle dat dont have to worry so much about other ppl n wad is going on...

To meryl: hope i didnt play too much of a lampost again today as usual...but trust me it wasnt my idea to come up between u two...jz didnt tell me dat u were coming i swear!!until i ask him n found out myself den i realli didnt wanted to go n be xtra...yet jz made me go n although i gave so many excuses in the end he still drag me go... -.- real sorry den...just hope dat things between u two will get more smoothly n eventually get the desired results dat u seek for...jz can be sometimes a bit blur n dense at times so u will have to take more of the initiative if things are gonna work out...some lil advice to u dats all..

I find it a lil dumb to be giving ppl advice...y can i onli help others but when it comes down to myself i just cant seem to do anything right for myself or to give myself any good advice...i guess is that helping others is easier cause when u r not in it u can always take a step back n look on the larger picture compared to when u are being inside the situation urself n face the problem directly...Even so i guess dat i want to help others wif their problems is cause i hope dat through solving their problems i can find a better way for myself n use it to solve my own delima...however sometimes helping others doesnt help or count for nuts cause i had ppl calling me busybody n names like dat for just helping out a fren...i cant blame dem for doing so but dun worri if anyone whom im helping dun want my help just say it den...i will do nothing bout it from den on...the saying that good guys always come in last do fit in these sorts of senario though...

Still cant really figure out who that person who left those unpleasant messages on my tagboard is...whoever u r i just hoped u will stop it...dis is asking in a very nice way already...dun make things worse n when it gets ugly dun blame no one for not giving u the warning...

Its funny though last time when i first started to go to gym was very not use to the amount of pain n aches that will follow on wif after training...however now its the direct opposite...without feeling the pain or ache i will be a lil uncomfortable now cause body had grown so use to it already...last time used to just concentrate on finnishing the sets of excercise n call it a day but in the process of dis i found out that i tend to do a sloppy job which doesnt yield results...its time for a change to concentrate more on the quality of the sets than the quantity...yes i know dat there is no way for easy way out to getting bigger but wont it be great if there realli is...

-Dream away-

second post in a day...

2005-05-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

This is highly unregular but hack decide to post again today...dun want to add on to my previous post cause it will just make it seems wierd...still hoping that there is a way for me to train an achieve a faster result way way faster...like no result other than the increase in weight after like one month of training...sianz...have decided to increase biceps n triceps intensity tml when train...better to pain for a short while n get the results den to train for a very very long time n see nothing...still feeling a bit ticked off from the saying dat im weak n wont grow anymore...dats some bloody crap dat i hate hate to hear...im gonna do it n prove to those assclowns who dun believe dat i will achieve it...for the impossible to happen there must be two factors...dreams which i had already n the determination to reach for the dreams...will get my determination n show everyone dat i am not weak!!

I appologize for my coldness towards u...but sometimes its realli very very hard to pretend dat i didnt see or hear something dat i dun wish to know...knowing bout others n wad dey do r not suppose to affect me but its always much easier said den done...when ur in my position den can anyone realli understand how its like...sometimes u realli make me feel very happy...but there r still the so many times dat i suffered for those lil happiness...im not complaining bout the sufferings...im just stating the reasons y there is a slight change recently...u might not fully or ever will understand it but its just something that i dun want to have to go through always...wished dat things were simpler...but life is never simple so guess i will still have to endure it den...sighs...

Realli need to find a person to train wif dat is around the same standard or slightly better than me...it realli helps if there is the competition between two person so that one will push himself even more than he normally does so that he will not lose out...no matter wad u say felix i still believe dat having another person to train wif me is realli gonna help...but the problem is there is no such person!!!willy n wei hao r very inconsistent training partners who have their own differant ways n level of determination to go through...sometimes if one of us slack end up draggin all down...must find one that is very determined so i can also change for the better...god send such a person to help me plz...

Chinese o lvl paper approaching very fast wif each days dat tick by...getting pressured n stressed again...shits...plus gettign back results which i know some r very unpeasant on monday...die liao...my dad say dat if there is any red marks on my report im screwed...dang i already know somehow dat there r gonna be some subjects that i totally screwed up...its too late now...sighs i guess i should make full use of the time now to get myself prepared...*gulpz*

WHO THE HELL R U TO BUTT IN MY LIFE!!!

2005-05-12T14:35:00.000-07:00

Wth is going on now...first of all some silly nonsense thanks to felix using my phone to send some lil message to his phone den his mum saw...now she thinks i and felix r GAY!!! WTF!!Oh man come on get real...just because ppl hang out wif dem often doesnt mean that they have to have something going on between them...those msg i swear on everything in the world from paul's stupidness to bill gates richness dat I AM NOT GAY!!now so paiseh sia somemore this morning called both felix house n hp den his mum picked up!!!jeez wonder wad shes thinking now...

Like i dun have enough problems in my life already as it is pretty much screwed up...whoever dis new bugger is dat tag those nonsense in my tagboard better scram or just tell me straight in my face wads his problem wif me...fags who dun dare to use their own name n just scold others...go screw ur self man...so wad if im weak??dats the blood reason y im training now...if im weak n i dun do anything bout it den there is a reason to insult me...but when im actually doing something about it other than u who is just crapping about it whos the weaker one now??ppl train so that they will not be weak...the strong train so that they can become stronger...this is how it goes...if u have a problem wif even understanding dis logic y not u just ask santa claus to come by next christmas n drop u a brain cause i dun think u have one..

I dun care who u r...stronger or wad u dun come n mess wif me u jerk...im having a VERY VERY bad time as it is already...dun need the likes of u to start popping up...wad i do wif my life is none of ur business...i break my legs so be it...i die so be it...but before u nose into my business first go take care of urself n cure urself the habit of poking ur nose into place where u r not suppose to be in..

Needless to say im in a very bad mood now...no surprise wif all dis crap comming out...sigh...life was so much easier last time when everything was just plain black white simpler...but the world has change n now its all like dis...jealousy,anger,frustration,pain,confusion,doubts just keep surfacing n destroying a person's life...wad kind of life am i leading now i dun even know myself...to further trust or to hope is dat wad im suppose to continue to do so??

2005-05-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

The whole word is F**k up man..exams have just ended but chinese o levels is like two weeks n approaching..everyone i know is getting selfish n more self centered...wad is going on or issit just me??Brother n sis are pissing me off like mad...ask dem to lend or do something is like asking them to jump into hell or something...f**k them den...next time they want something from me or ask for my help they can jolly well lie on the floor n just die or something cause i WONT help noone anymore...being a good guy always makes u end up last...doing things for others never get u nowhere nowadays but trouble..im sick of dis crap ass routine...who cares anymore??

Used to think dat all is fine n i had already done all i could so should have at least a lil results...but hey wad do i know im wrong again n nothing i ever done is ever good enough..always getting compared to everyone else in the world for dis n dat...cant they all see dat no one is perfect??The onli perfect person i know is paul...n dats cause he is a perfect fool...other than dat no one is perfect yet everyone expects something out of u...dey might not say it out but somethings do not have to depend of verbal communication to say so...

Screwed up my entire prelim one...fuck care bout it...wad else can i do its already over...went to gym today n damn it for the first time ever i went there n could not even concentrate properly n do finnish my sets...did less than half way then gave up doing anything n just stop...cant do properly when mind is preocupied n body is physically tired...felix say i would have broke my legs if i didnt do the hex squats properly n luckily i didnt break them...sigh wad a horrible day wif horrible thoughts running about through my mind...

They say trust cannot be given unless its earned...how can i trust a person den unless its earned den??No point in just believeing in words anymore nowadays...realli...things are changing so much so dat when ppl say words to u how many times have it all turned out to be lies??Lies and deciet can hurt a person but how many ppl know how its realli done??

Spent a lot of time on my way home today on the bus just thinking n i mean realli serious thinking..ignorance can be bliss sometimes n dis are times where i wish it applies...ppl always ask for the truths but wad they realli seek is to hear wad they want to hear but not wad is the truth...they onli say they want to hear the truth cause it onli makes things sound nicer...den y do dey even want to bother wif it in the first place???

Physcially-->lousy
Mentally-->weak
Emotionally-->confused
Life-->sucks!!

body ---> GREAT PAIN!!

2005-05-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

WA!!!my whole body is in great pain sia...did chest n abs yesterday n now still feeling the slight effect of the chest still pain but abs pain like hell man...bend down or laugh can feel it liao wa pengz...woke up dis morning n tried to situp from lying down n found dat i could not even do dat!!omg den when i tried to search for my phone my chest felt the strain from yesterday's workout...jeez knew dat the day was going to be physically tiring one for me liao...went to meet sochenda in da morning to eat breakfast at paya lebar mac n to study a lil geog...did some lil notes on geog but found that most of the stuff all i need is to read n i kinda can remember liao so didnt realli do until intense studying...went to bugis after that wif her to shop for her mother's day gift n got keep getting constantly reminded to buy my mum a mother's day gift...in the end when my sis took my mum out to eat to celebrate mother's day n i have to chip in the bill too as part of my share...ahh already very broke liao paid my eldest sis the fifty bucks i owe her just yesterday n da day before had to pay another twenty bucks for my replacement sim card thanks to the unkown idiot who stole my phone n cause me now to have to use my bro's old dumb phone...

Walked about in bugis for a very long time n i can dare say we walked finnish the ENTIRE bugis junction liao...saw dis addidas shirt dat looks quite nice but cost thirty five gold but broke now n cannot buy sob sob...guess like have to wait until after my exams den save up to get it liao...had to save to buy supplements soon too so guess like im gonna need to do so biug time saving for me to have enough gold to spend...went to gym after that n did arms n legs...arms r still hurting a lil from yesterday but still force myself to do...went to gym all by myself today so was quite happy dat i managed to do my sets all by myself without anyone's help though concentration today needed was so much more n sweated like nuts especially when i did legs...man after doing legs get up from the last machine the leg extension n feel down to the floor cause my legs gave way... -.- had a super hard time putting on my pants while changing n have to sit on the bench to change...my arms are also so sluggish dat i struggled for like 2 mins just to get the dumb shirt off me!!!needless to say i was late in meeting felix at marine parade library to study so he left liao when i reach there...read a lil comics cause realli cannot focus on studies when i can barely walk n bend...

Reach home feeling very hungry so went to ate bread cause my sis brought my mum out for dinner so didnt cook...ate like 7-8 slices n finnished up 2 glasses of milk den have to go buy more liao...ahh for those who dont train will find it hard to ever understand the pain n fatigue sia....its so bad dat it seems like ur legs cannot walk,stomach cannot bend over,chest n arms very sluggish...den tml still have to do shoulders sia...after that gonna rest on monday liao n concentrate 100% on chinese...four more days to go to end of exams...just a lil more...sigh....now going to study geog liao must try to finnish by tonite den sleep n wake up early in da morning to do chinese....wad a mental torture its gonnna be studying X.X

not good week...

2005-05-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

Sigh not a good week for me this entire week...had exams like mad n most of the papers i find all like just screwing me up big time...guess like this shows that i need to work harder to prepare for my o lvls...didnt go to gym for a long time liao thanks to exams...damn it...some ass clown stupid moron STOLE my phone!!!Bloody hell its not as if my phone is worth dat much or very good like dat...tmd now i have to pay twenty bucks to get back my replacement sim card n now all contacts list is gone...shit it!!!Let me find the person who took my phone n i am gonna beat some sense into him for stealing MY things!!!Lucas n felix's phone was also stolen n poor felix haven told his mum yet cause he will get into major trouble for dat...most prob his mum wont get him another phone sia...haven been to gym for a lone time liao...last time went was on monday...feeling weaker n weaker by the day without training n not use to comming home not feeling the pain n all so today after the crapping chem test which i dun care anyway...went gym wif felix,myrn n wei hao...did chest n abdominals finally can do until pain...although i dunno y today came home chest dun realli hurt that much as the last time dat i went to do...must be not enough...next time must increase damn it...stommach hurts from doing the incline thingy...wth seems like im doing so little comparing to felix they all so have decided to do abdominals every other day...

Funny thing that happened today was dat wei hao went into the female toilet by accident today!! HAHA he was like following these three gals whom have seen going to gym quite a few times in the cafeteria n thought that the door they went through was the exit...haha it turned out to be the female toilet n he was utterly embarrassed!!He ran out n made us all leave in a hurry cause he super embarass while the rest of us were laughing too hard :D (although laughing my stommach also pain like dis but cant stop myself) suppose to go marine parade library to study but last min change den went wif felix to hougang mac to meet panda n study...was very tired when i reach there so i tried to sleep a bit first but keep getting disturbed...tmd...in the end finally got a bit of nap time in between before i finally start to do my geog...felix n panda was making a big commotion n stuffs so i just blasted music n try to tune them out while i do my geog...suppose to be go there study den end up i study den they not studying.. -.-" went home after doing a bit till like five thirty cause dun realli feel like studyin anymore..too exhausted...spent time doodling on paper left a mess as usual before leaving...

I am physically,mentally n emotionally exhausted now dat the week is comming to an end...planned on studying massive during the weekends n gyming till my arms fall off n legs drop off...emotionally...have nothing much to say...wad else is there??wad can i do??i dunno n have no clue...leaving it all up to wadever anyone sees fit to do wadever they want liao...cant be bothered wif the world anymore...let wadever comes, come den...

The end...and a new beginning...

2005-04-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

The decision had been made...although it hurts me more than anyone will ever know i will follow it den...there is onli two options...i guess the one has already been chosen long ago...chasing ur dreams n cherishing hopes onli get u burnt in the end...will never ever make the same mistake ever again...learnt a lesson the hard way dat the more feelings u show easily the worse it is...physical pain is nothing compared to wad it feels like now...never had i felt like dis n i will make sure i never have to go through this again...did all i could but since there is nothin i can do now i guess the ending is inevitable...fate played a cruel joke on me dis time...fuck it...y even gave the glimmer of hope in the first place??It just hurt so much more...i wished i never knew anything at the starting den i wont even get my hopes up...to let them be smashed down like dis...i cant blame anyone for dis but then there always have to be somebody who is in the wrong so i guess the problem resulted from me...i just wished i knew wads the problem n can change it all...i guess its too late to say anything now...its over for me i guess..no matter how painful it is the fact remains...

Life will have to go on...i have no choice but to...living a meaningless life now wif nothin to live for..to look forward to...i guess dis is the begining for the future den...i will never be able to forget this for the whole of my life...its impossible to...but i can onli try to block n forget this painful experience den...to all those who still believes in fairy tales of happy ending let me tell u the truth: ITS ALL BULLSHIT!! i used to believe in dat once...but now after facing the truth den did i realise how wrong i was...since its not meant to be den i cant do anythin bout it...let time heal my wounds n erase as much as possible den...onli thing that i can live to do now is to study n gym....nothin matters anymore...i should be happy but im not...how can i be??

I made my mistake of showing my emotions n feelings hence cause me all dis...i guess thats y i can onli blame myself...take care of urself den...i wont be able to do so for u now...

My feelings for u cannot be shown,

But the pain i felt hurts to the bones...

To cherish a hope dat seem so slim,

That it almost seems like onli a dream...

Yet u brought my hopes up till so high,

Till it seems to be able to touch the sky...

But u let it drop till it hits the floor,

Smashing my hopes to pieces so small...

I drift between the two differant paths,

Till ur answer sets my heart apart...

Now the choice have been made,

Turning my dreams to dust n all just fade...

troubles...

2005-04-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

Big sighs + small sighs...how to solve something that seems to have no solution to it...solution cannot be found cause there is nothin dat i can do...i was always ready for it...but not in this way...my idea of how things are going...was not like dis...cant say its anyone's fault so i guess its just either the way of life or fate just playing wif me...doing nothing at this time will not help in anyway yet there aint nothin i can do so how to get out of spot?? Advice from others are no help to me...some say do nothin while others just tell me to give it up n accept the fact...how can i give up something dat wasnt there??...if i am to give up y was i even given the hope at the starting to carry on my stupid dillusions...

Keep being told by many ppl on train still no result then train for wad...is it really the truth??Am i really unable to achieve anything i want even though i work hard for it??Must i really lose out in everything i set my mind on doing??...I know i cant be as good as u ppl out there who dont have my problems n everything just goes well for u all...but so wad if im differant??Cant u just let me train without ur put downs??U ppl might be better than me for now...but when i train n get my results we shall see then...This is the last time im believeing in hard work pays off...im placing everything i got onto gym training den...the saying that u reap the results that u sow...time to put it to the test...If it still fails me den i realli dunno wad to do liao...let this be my last time i place my faith in anymore thing den...with the starting of intake of supplements now...i hope my faith can be restored back by gettting results...

Prelims have already started...english paper one went by just like dat but didnt realli feel anything for it...how can i concentrate on my studies wif all my problems bothering me??My troubles are like a heavy burden bringing me down...when can i be free from them i wonder??....
Prelims have already started but how can i do my studies when my problems are weighing me down till i keep losing my concentration...

chasing after a glimmer of hope dat always seem so far...

2005-04-28T22:16:00.000-07:00

To not know wad to do but know that there is something that is needed to be done...a glimpse of hope here n there but like always the shutter shuts down the beams of hopes n leave darkness in its wake...how i wished there wasnt the first false hope given dat causes more hopes to rise...to be brought up but to fall from it...how many ppl wil understand how it feels??Im now helpless...not being able to do anything on my side to change anything...emotions n feelings have to hide in myself so as not to go through the feeling again..."aint no one in the globe i would like to see,the gal dat made me so happy but now so lonely..." everytime i hear the song lonely by akon...just could relate to wad its about...sighs...cant be help anyway...life is like dat used to it by now...with nothing dat is in my control now...wad else can i do??

Prelims start tml...english paper one to set things off...some reason just dun feel anything for this test now...too many thoughts occupying my concentration...too many feelings i have to deal wif...stress getting more n more...wonder how long i can keep dis up...feeling so weary...just wished i can take a long rest away from everything...sighs...guess like cramming the books to study is the onli way now...shall try my best to just focus everything on studies n gym...rest of the stuffs will block it out den...no choice but to since its no longer my choice...

Went to parkway today to get protein supplements for the first time wif felix...guess like dis is the turning point for me as i had initially planned to onli start using them onli starting from june but since nowadays going to gym very frequently to workout,destress n forget bout everything so decided heck shall just do it now...since im going to do it anyway sooner wont hurt...wasted a whole lot of my gold though so currently super broke but guess like its a sacrifice dat i have to pay den...gym is becoming a place where i enjoy going most throughout the days...the onli thing dat keeps me going on...i guess i got stuck on it n now using it as a motivation for the rest of my stuff it has somehow become a new path for me...if all fails me like it is starting to i guess there is always the gym i can turn to after all its the onli thing dat has not yet to betray me in anyway...

Feelings...

2005-04-23T19:00:00.000-07:00

Everyone normally have something or someone that they hold close to n regard as most important in their life dat brings along happiness to dem...im no differant from the rest...but its not better to have nothing to start off wif den to be given a little hope but just to get it dashed in the end...the harshness of life is dat many a times many just dun understand dis point...the saying once bitten twice shy will show for how a person who had undergo through it tends to change after that..feelings become gaurded so as not to go through the same suffering of having high hopes just to be unable to achive anything in the end...im onli human...i feel the same emotions as every other person does...i do want to be happy n all but sometimes it just quite impossible wif all the supressed emotions that are kept inside...have tried to hold it back from everyone n not to show it as much as possible but still sometimes it just can be helped...frustration anger confusion...all these just surface out n just causes even more problem...used to think dat just by having the one person that can bring joy n happiness in my life will be enough...but even dat is slipping away...can anyone understand how it actually feels to be placed in this sort of situation...

Studies stress is comming up real fast wif prelims on friday...major cramming starts now...but studies comes hard wif problems n emotional heartache propping up...i guess im just a failure to be unable to concentrate n do well on wad im suppose to do...cant use the word dat life sucks...dats not totally true...maybe im just doing the wrong things in my life n screwing it up myself without knowing...life seems to have no appeal nowadays...nothing to look forward to after happiness has been taken away n is gradually gaining a distance from me...i rather take back everything i said n keep everything to myself should i know dis will happen...wished i did dat in the start so none of dis would have ever happened...guess next time i should just bottle everything up n not let anyone know den...sighs...

My career of softball after four years have finally ended today...felt a mix of emotions after the last match today...sad to leave but yet mix with happiness that made it through so far...didnt know i will feel like dis...maybe im just getting too sentimental dis days...shall see if i shall continue to play softball but even if i did it will be another new chapter of my life to start off wif again...

Gym is like the onli place i can go to nowadays just to forget bout everything for a short period of time n just to concentrate totally n taking everything out by forcing the body to perform...results are aching body but with the pain comes the gain of becoming stronger too...shall gym n forget my troubles den afterall no one in the world can understand wad im goign through...those that claims to understand r just lying cause they never do...they think they do but no...

U made me so happy but now u just leave me feeling lonely....
Lonely...Im still Lonely...mister lonely...
I have nobody
To call my own...

How dis few lines sums up how im feeling...may god take a break from screwing me up n let me lead a normal life for once...sighs...

a hectic saturday but a slacky sunday...

2005-04-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

Wad a busy day i had rushing to differant places...woke up in the morning n watch the last episode of gundam seed...ahhh it was quite sad the ending seeing so many ppl dying n so many mobile suits destroyed...but nvm its just a cartoon though although it was a very good one...rushed to jun zhi's house right after the show end den saw my dad on my way to jun zhi's house at kovan...he asked me where i was going n i told him i was going for my match at R.I den i proceed on...jun zhi's mum fetch me jun zhi n kai shou to R.I but took quite a while as we dun realli know where it is onli know that it is near junction 8...finally when we reach there it started raining...-.- we had to throw ball in the grandstand to warm up n the area we are allowed to throw ball in have a breadth of three feet per person!!Its like throwing ball wif two other balls comming to n fro whizzing by ur ears on ur left n right cause there aint enough space n we all have to throw is such a compact area...match was cancelled in the end though due to rain -.- ...went off to jason house after that to go gym...his house is at costa rica the very end of the kallang 158 bus route...pengz...but nvm for the sake of a lil gym so just go ba..cause will have someone to train wif me at least better than going to kallang gym all by myself...me n jason drank two bottles one before n one after we went gym...was thristy den he said he got beer so im like y not once a while drink wont hurt so drank it den..did mainly a lil arms here n there den making jason do wif me too...although he didnt realli follow on n do but at least got someone to gym wif me can liao la i think...forearms did a lil same as biceps den jason didnt want to do anymore so went back to his house where he played gb...i haven play gb for more than half a year but tried n to my surprise my gauging was not as off as i thought i will be...still can do some decent ultra high angle shots... :) rushed home after that n got caught in the rain...entered my house showered,changed,take money,make my hair n i have to zoom out again cause meeting allester,amanda,besely,randall,nick to celebrate amanda's bday...rushed out again in the rain just to make it to the mrt...yet dat panda still can blame me sia for being late.. -.- eh i already zoom so fast liao lor...hectic day lei...was tried out n a lil sick at that time again...stupid cough n flu came back after running through the rain before i reached home so i brought my jacket out wif me...during the show though panda have to take away my jacket saying shes cold n sick den leaev me there freezing...the theatre was a lil empty so i get to stretch my feet by placing my leg down the next row...ahhh end up my toes were frozen at the end of the show n felt the pins n neeedles feeling when walking =.= the show was not too scary i think...cause was spending most of the time talking,msging n making lil statements here n there during the show...advice to ppl dun watch samara...its not worth ur time if u go n dun have a fun group to waste ur time during the show...

After watchign the show went walking around looking for a place to eat dinner as most of us are low on gold we ended up going to kfc...ate a shrooms burger meal cause have to watch my diet was eating a lil too much liao the whole day den i dun want to turn fat sia...oh n there was a lot of talk bout bleahz paul n some not so nice but funny comments made on cry*** haha...yucks didnt know dat paul was GAY!!!most of the time i just thought he was spastic,retarded,stupid,dumb,ass,etc... the whole list too long to go on la...but ya...found out omg he is a GAY!!!Went walking around for a while after we ate n walk to supreme court there to sit for a while n talk...trying to convince besely to gym but sigh..a lil hard again...same case as wif zhe yuan...is it realli so hard to show ppl the good sides of gyming??nick had stommache n keep having to go toilet to relieve himself the poor guy...plus the fact that he is revolting against his parents n got his da change the lock of the house meaning to lock him out!!Cant believe some of the advice that they gave to nick some...randall n panda was like siding wif nick to run away!!!jeez talk about bad influence...in the end i hope nick dun get into trouble wif his parents...reached home at around twelve thrity i think tired out...

Ahh luckily sunday was the next day n super slack...was watching cartoons in the morning n after that slept for a long time until my dad made us go help wash one of his buses claiming that we haven helped out for a long time...ahh the heat of the sun at that time was almost unbearable...ate a lot the whole day so goign to do crunches later to burn those fats i took in just now...not watching the nkf show thingy liao...dis year cant afford to call anyway after the way i spend my money for the past few weeks...need to save a bit for many things...ahhh...going to do a lil weights now den study liao...i guess dis is enough for two days liao...

The problems wif guys n gals...

2005-04-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

I just found out something today after thinking for a very long time n looking around trying to learn more...There are bascially many differences between a guy n a gal...to make it click between them certain understanding have to at least be made understand so that they will have a lasting relation...looking around me n from other sources i can conclude just a lil about the differences...some of the typical differnces are like that the saying that guys are suppose to be like considered not being able to feel the hurt n pain dat gals do...that is by far so much from the truth...a guy feel the same thing as a gal do be it being hurt or happy but the problem is that guys are expected not to show it...there is just this unkown rule dat says guys cannot show their hurt or it will be seen as a sign of weakness...thats bullshit to me...being able to show ur emotions just shows that guys are onli human...guys are not an entirely differant species...gals seem to be expecting guys to be able to know wad to do all da time but to guys many of them will end up being confused n afraid to do the wrong thing so as not to hurt gals when they do the wrong stuff...guys have a hard time admitting that they need help...this is practically true for all of dem...there is the pride,the embarrasment of being unable to solve their own problem n dat to look for help is a sign of failure n being teased at...these are just some of the reasons y guys tend to be more gaurded wif their emotions n feelings...ppl always expect the guys to make the first move...but how hard is it to actually do so...when a guy have feelings for a gal...the first reaction will often be wierd...gals normally look up to guys to be in control of everything so it will put more pressure on guys to take the first move n make it right...many a times the fear of failure looms n just force the feeling to have to be suppress due to pressure from many differant sources...

Another rule is that it seems like gals are allowed to look at other guys n comment but when a guy does dat he gets hell from the gal or just makes the gal angry...It just doesnt seem fair dat gals get to become more "loose" in a sense n dat guys can onli focus on one gal...things should be equal for both sides...if a guy can take out his hundred percent n place everything on the gal that he likes the gal ought to be able to do so too...gals complain bout guys watching n flirting wif other gals without realising dat they themselves watch other guys many more times than guys watch other gals...(THIS ARE FACTS FROM A BOOK I READ!!) Guys have feelings dat can be hurt when a gal does dat but as usual...the rule that says cannot show it..it will be a sign of weakness...an embarassment if it is shown causing the guy just to take it all by himself...the guy will onli feel the pain by himself n end up gaurding his feelings to himself more in order not to be hurt as much again...but by doing so the gal assumes that due to this there have to be something wrong between them n end up making the realtion drift further apart when they get upset or unhappy because of the response...It will take a guy to understand how it feels...there is no other way it can be done...Instead of reactin this way...both sides should just work more on the future instead of keep looking back at the mistakes n wallowing in it...there are bout to be friction n a lil disagreements in a relation...no one can vouch for a smooth sailing...but after the bumps if all goes well...the feelings between the two indivduals will become stronger after knowing wad to do so as not to cause anyone to be hurt again...this is how it keeps it going...

The reason y i got wraped up in all dis guys stuff thingy vs gals was after reading a book today dat is very useful in telling many stuffs about this sort of stuffs...plus the fact on some personal problems dat i went through a while ago which i wont want to relive again makes it more significant to me dat the differences should be shown...Im not trying to list or blame gals in this post or anyone...im just comming to a conclusion after being backed by evidence...treat this as an informative piece of advice or information...anythign u want then...

P.S : i think dat if this topic comes out as compo for english paper i will do quite fine dont u think so?? :P after all i got his idea from a compostion dat i was doing :D

Life...the way it is...

2005-04-13T17:32:00.000-07:00

Life is one word dat sums up everything that we are...we live for...live on...everything...In life there are so many things to do n go through...so many obstacles and problems to cope wif...is dis wad it is suppose to be??to work our ass off till in the end when its time to go we just go?...Im not going to go figure that much out...i just need to focus on wads on my hand now...words are easy...words are cheap...but many a times words can hurt u so bad dat u just wish u never lived...many ppl say things that hurt ppl...sometimes knowing it while most of the time without knowing...its at those time dat ppl get to know the real u...wad u are thinking n how u feel...i wished i never knew dat now...for the knowledge onli brings about more pain n hurt me even more...i never wanted a lot...but i guess others sees it as too much for them...others comments i can dun care but when it comes right from the source...it hurts all da way to hell man...to have ur feelings being admitted just to have it dashed again cause of doubts by the opposite..to want to show ur feelings but yet is considered just a fren...but when u dun show it u get blamed...wad is the right thing to do den?...sometimes i wonder if i would be better off keeping everything to myself n not admiting my feelings...but i dun think dat will be the right thing to do anyway...i have been brought up many times before...just to be dropped from the top all da way down smashing...each time worse den before...am i realli destined to have a fate like dis??Am i supposse to live my life going through this always??Y cant things be simple n easy like those in fairy tales...y cant there always be a happy ending??...

Getting to be very emotional dis days...feelings overun me n take over me many a times...most of it are those of anger n frustration...school gym has been closed for the forth day in a row...haven been able to go during recess to work it off...maybe dats y i have energy to spare and need to find a target to let it out on...timothy was fighting wif clement teo today...reason im not sure but just as i was walking to buy drinks both of dem started fighting in front of me...i got the best view of it all but find it distasteful the way they are fighting...scartching n grappling each other like little kids who have just learnt how to fight...i will say dat if u want to do it den do it a proper way...dun disgrace urself n others by trying to act big but end up looking dumb...learn how to fight before u go around fighting ba...went to fitness corner today cause gym was closed...on my way there wif felix n ming yi there was dis dumb ass sec three guy who was tilting the log preparing to tip it over...stupid of him to do so n i was glaring at him yet he still have the stupidness to do it...unfortuanetly there was a puddle of mud water at the base of the other side n when the log hit it the water splashed all over...ming yi gave a warning but was too late n i got hit by the mud water...at that moment i totally was damn pissed off...maybe its just wad i have been going through for the past few days or manybe is kena influenced by the fight between timothy n clement...i think i used some !#$%^&~ words n the next thing i know i went up to the guy n slapped him across the face (although i think its too soft but ming yi n felix was like saying the sound is very loud)...i believe at that time i was looking for a fight n had a good chance to vent all my suppressed feelings on dat stupid guy...that guy still can ask me wh y i slapped him like F him man...is he stupid or retarded??I tell it in his face not happy settle it den but dat cowardy bugger although wif his frens out number me two to one dun dare to...worthless shit...end up have to go try do pull ups n did some logging to take out my frustration...another chance wasted to let out my feelings...should have just bashed him over instead of taunting him wif dat slap...feeling very pissed off n in a bad m00d all da way...i think at this rate im gonna revert back to my old ways of being in primary school where i go around beating ppl up n bullying again shits...have to do something bout my temper...dun want to go back the same route dat took me so long to get out of...ming yo was commenting to felix telling him dat he should stop training me or else when i grow even stronger i might become worse n go about beating everyone up...after hearing dat i grew worried n considered wad he said...maybe he is right...will i be able to control myself if i continue to train n when im stronger than the rest will i abuse my strength when i lose myself to my feelings???Currently now i still can be keep in check cause there are still ppl stronger than me but wad will happen when i finally become strong enough to overcome dem...will i become a thug dat will go around beating ppl??i certainly hope not but sometime emotions just get the better of u...must learn to cope n control it den...

Today our class threw water bombs down int othe multi purpose court today at those playing soccer...all of a sudden felt like joing dem den ended up throwing one as well...although im ashamed to admit it but by doing so n causing them to be wet...i felt so much better taking it out on dem instead...shall not turn to doing that anymore...its wrong of me to relieve my frustration at the expense of others...had maths test this morning...did it till the time is just nice when i put down my pen the bell rang...hope i can pass dis time....dun like to fail anymore wif the prelims comming closer n closer by the day...

Shall try to concentrate on my school work n workout as much as possible in the gym to forget everything else...although the heart is hurt...time shall heal my wound n hopefully bring me back to normal...

Pissed/depressed/sad/sick

Problematic liFe...

2005-04-10T20:34:00.000-07:00

Life is horrible at times...especially when comming home to a family dat is constantly quarrelling n arguing...dis morning staying at home is like a war zone...second sis had a fight/arguement wif my bro...grandmother vs my mum...dad is in a bad mood taking it out on us n giving us faces like we were the one who cause everything that is wrong to happen to him...eldest sis had something agaisnt me...everybody at home is now in a cranky mood...im no exception...when situation like dis occurs normally i will try to stay out as long as possible before comming home but now im getting scolded for going out...when i try to tune everything out by going to train i will get it from my mum n grandmother bout wasting my time,money,energy etc...y cant they understand dat building up my body through training is a good thing...i can get to keep myself fit...train up mental discipline...destress...n very importantly dun have to be at home to listen to all the stupid arguments n quarrels going on...when i go out to libary to study i got doubted by everyone in my family dat i actually studied outside...all of them thinks that i go out all da time just to have dun n ejnjoy myself...do they even know y i choose to study outside rather than staying at home??How will one be able to study in a house wif conditions like dis...

Stress is doubling wif each passing days drawing forward the comming of the prelims n chinese o lvl...tend to lose my temper easily this days...lack of rest is driving me up the wall...ahhh how i wish can just take a holiday from everything n come back to continue after a good rest but guess dis is kinda impossible at this timing so have to push on...at least softball is not giving me problems now...batting has at least regain a lil back n performance is doing better now...maybe after training a lil extra fittness helps =) we won tp jc on sat played two sets against them...both we won first set 12-2 second set was around 10-8...first time i played two games in one shot without resting...its qutie physically challenging though...after match went ot kfc to have lunch before going to gym straight after that...was feeling quite full n all so decided to walk from the kfc all da way to the national stadium where the gym is at...blistering heat nearly roast me alive man...met felix there n he say train chest so did the same sets he did other than mine was lighter n easier cause i have not gotten my form yet...somehow onli felt a lil aching onli not the sort that will get if train till extremely tired...must be cause i did not do enough i guess...after that went to do a lil legs thingy and am happy dat i can now reach the same as felix they all on the leg machine thingy...from my first time of 50kg to 80kg to finally 110kg...am going to push harder to do better...but need rest for like one week to give legs time to recover back or else its gonna be useless dats wad felix said...find dat nowadays my time spent in the gym is some of the most relax time for me dis days...went ot marine parade libary to study den went home tired out from the whole day...

Food intake dis days have increased for me...eating much more than i use to after i started training...protein needed to build up so more food have to be consume...famlily keeps complaining dat im eating too much...wad can i do to make them understand the need...if train without the food will also be equiviant to zero...but since they are against me training so there is very little i can do to make them understand...

Sighs life is filled wif so many problems like such i faced but nevertheless...i believe dat although there are always problems in life..there will also be a solution to the problems in life too...all i need to do is look harder for the soultions to my problems den...

Longg postt after longg timee....

2005-04-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

Ahh finally back to posting after so long of abscense...blogg feels so dead...sigh time is certainly getting by very quickly these days...cant seem to grab hold of it n use it fully...always on the shortage of time...but nvm shall try to make time den...first few days of the weeks were quite sucky though...failed my emaths second restest when i forgotten to study for it...stupid mrs chan have to call parents then my parents was angry at me cause of dat...now dunno when my dad is gonna settle the core wif me...haiz sad sia...msn still having the problem cause dunno how 2 reformat the com n reinstall everything...lost the disc thingy i think...darn it...match was postpone to dunno when due to rain so i went gym instead =) but before i can even leave school DK have to catch me for my shirt untuck den actually wanted to make me n guava stay back until five...stupid guava still can call DK ridiculous which onli made him more angry -.-...luckily i made him apologized then he finally let us off den went wif felix to gym train a lil...ahhh long way for me to train till i reach the standard of them but shall work hard on it n not give up...perserverence shall pay off i believe n i will prove to all who did not believe in me dat i can achieve wad i set out to do so...found that legs seems to be easier to train n concentrate den on arms for me...maybe cause i play basketball got train a lil legs before...shall work hard on it...

Many ppl have differant views on me training up but shall only listen to those that are constructive...those that are meant to put me down shall be ignored...the results of training shall be mine n not them so should not realli be bothered by them...getting to be addicted to gym training liao after going to school gym for like 2 weeks non stop during recess is becomminga habit dat i do not wish to stop...the aches n fatigue dat comes after training shall be the the sign of working hard...after all no pain no gain so have already started to look forward to feeling tired n aches when train...felix say that should not train the same part of the body daily n must give it rest instead...maybe dat will explain y i could do inccrease set of 10 from 70 to 110 pounds on the leg press machine thingy but can onli do up to 100 pounds the next day...wish school gym will be open longer n after school so dat can have more chacne to train...have been doing not bad on my protein intake diet...6 slices of wholemeal bread which is 5.5g of protein per serving = 16.5g...3 eggs = 10g of protein...milk which is 4g per 100ml = 20g plus last but not least chicken breast 300g =75g of protein...total intake a day will be close to 101.5g of protein a day which is not bad although still didnt hit the required amount but shall suffice for now cause haven hit super intense training so should be enough...recieve some scoldings for "wasting" so much money on food alone but dun care...maybe will take measurements starting from next week to see how much improvement i will make every week or two...hope there will be positive results :)

kk enough bout the training talk...still have school stuff such as stupid sharon tan who is realli the teacher whom i have the biggest problem wif ever!! when i raised my hands to ask question that toot purposely ignored me when i was sitting DIRECTLY INFRONT of her!!!!WTH hack la...gonna ask for transfer to another physics class same as felix since she want to give this sort of attitude to me plus not that here teaching is very good like dat...in fact it sucks so much that more than 3/4 of the class hates it!!....class was a lil evil cause threw water bomb from our level all the way down to the multipurpose courts where ppl are playing soccer just for fun =P ...we won our match against geylang methodist secondary school although i got striked out =( sickening feeling dat it might happen came true...must make it a point not to go gym during recess when i have match after that or just do very little sets dat is not so tiring...dun want it to affect my performance after that...weather these days are totally crapped up...if it is not raining den it will be super hot...ahhh...hall assembly today was quite cool n im sure the highlight was due to the belly dancers ppl mainly the second dancer :D felix was like OMG all da way throughout the whole thing n i wont be surprise if he was drooling though :P went to starbucks to study at marine parade wif sochenda n her fren nicole who keep distracting us from studying... -.- but nevertheless i learnt somethings bout chem n many thanks to u sochenda for teaching! :) went to walk around at parkway after studying till like four i think n i went by the store that sell weights...noticed the prive n decide that i shall save up to get one more to train at home for more efficieny...went home after n decided to update after so long n hence came online after so long to update...ahhha lil tired n n cant rememeber wad other happenings in the week so shall stop here...

darning first three months...

2005-04-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

Darn first three months r back n dis mean dat have to work harder now to do well for prelims cause it is gonna be affecting the entering of jcs...sad life for me having to study hard like siao now...hectic life having to go for competition n study at the same time...sometimes things just get out of hands n one of dem will end up getting neglected...want to train more of body but facing lots of problem sia...first of all is the time mangement..running out of time due to o lvl n stuffs but i still want to be able to make myself fitter n stronger...den theres the problem wif gold needed...gold has to be needed to purchase the food thingy dat will help in building up the body if not there wont be much effect to it...sighs...felix place emphasis on the reason for y i am training n commented on it but its realli like dis : no matter wad the reason for training to me as long as u train the same it will be the same...he say must have ur goals well my goal is to become stronger n fitter which is quite similiar to most who train so i dun realli see wads the problem wif the reason n goals stuffs...

My dad has some problem wif me on training too...when he see me doing a lil weights at home he told me off n ask me not to do it n say doing push ups will be enough.. -.- wad the doh...if dats the case den all the gyms in the world ought to close down liao...he is worried that i will get into injury n all but come on..as long as i do it right n all there wont be any problem...funnily now though i ENJOY doing weights n training now...from last time too lazy to even bother to actually enjoying it...like the feel of working out the muscles n after a period of time of training can actually feel the difference in strength n dats the best part of it all...im not gonna listen to my dad n stop...instead im gonna double the training i have been doing...found many positive points of training such as training helps to destress me when i feel stress or pissed off...it helps to train mental discipline which i lack n need...n most important of all...the end result is the best prize of all...getting ur body into a better shape n being more fit hence will allow better performance in sports n makes u look better too =) wif all dis points here i shall push myself harder to work harder then...

April fools day dis year didnt realli do much...onli special to it is that ceyang n nico go fill up plastic bags of water n threw dem out of the window down into the multi purpose court at those playing soccer there...den dey fill up a condom wif water to prank the teacher.. -.- a lil dumb though...went to watch the eye 10 AGAIN just to help jun zhi...sigh second time watching onli enjoyed the funny part of the show cause all the scary part i already know liao...jy n justin they all were saying that they say me jun zhi n meryl at lido but i didnt see dem...they even took picture n show me sia although is back view but can kinda make up wad it is showing...lamo keep calling me n pestering me when im already feeling like a very big lampost between jun zhi n meryl sia...went to amk after dat to buy ball guard n went home after..

Dis morning raining so training was cancelled but went to meet jia yang at PS to eat breakfast den walk about before going home to watch tv...ahh gundam seed is realli a very nice anime cartoon...dang it seems like its ending soon...like have two more episode i think left...must record n watch it...told my mum to get the chicken breast to cook so can give me protein..shall be eating dat everyday from today on...sighs guess its time for me to go study liao work work....till here den...

raining competition day...

2005-03-31T21:15:00.000-08:00

Ahh y must it rain today??today was suppose to go n vs geylang methodist sec but thanks to the rain...went there for nothing n warmed up throughout the rain just to be told dat the match will be postponed to next week.. -.- forget to get ballgaurd too (dats the thingy to protect the guys ahem) it totally slipped from my mind n when i was reminded to day it was too late...coach was going to check if we got put on the ballgaurd thingy by using the national practice : using a bat to hit the *toot* n if u never wear den its...owww... ahh in the end luckily he onli tap lightly n better still onli tap one of my juniors who also never wear..phew..

Went back to school after that n played basketball in the rain barefooted...oww stupid stones so sharp poke me sia... x.x fell down twice due to wet ground n first time scraped my left knee n it bleeded for quite a while den i fell on my right shortly after that -.-... ahh injury prone sia...meryl,jun zhi's cousin n frens came to our school to play basketball den embarrassing enough me,jia yang,jason n kai shou lost to them!! we all were like not wanting to realli defend den just stand there n in the end lost 6-7...super malu sia =.= jun zhi tml ask me to go out wif him n meryl sia...wa pengz super gooseberry lei like dat for me sia..but dat stupid jun zhi scared den wanted to like dun go unless i go so sighs in the end being forced to go n watch the eye 10 again...

Although there might be some unfortunate events that took place today making it not such a good day after all but still shall hold onto a postive attitude to life...shall not be brought down n stay happy :)

a lil bad days...

2005-03-30T16:55:00.000-08:00

SIghs...life has become quite sad for me this few day...didnt realise the importance of so many things until dat u start to realise after u lose them...yesterday had a match wif monfort...previously our school lost to dem in the north zone by 13-1 yesterday we lost again this time 6-12...haiz...played yesterday as third base but wasnt realli into the game though...just cant seem to get myself into it...made nurmerous errors n got scolded but ya...i deserve it anyway...cant throw for nuts after went gym during recess to take my unhappiness out on dead weights...did drop sets using the machine n caused my body to be tired out...hack den...its time to push myself to my limits or im never ever going to get any results this way...

My arms n shoulders were stiffen n i could not control my throwing causing me to do three lousy throws during the game when the ball came to me...luckily two of the lousy balls were still caught by my team mates saving me from some of the scoldings but there was still the lousy batting dat i showed...didnt even get to make it home once at all...the team was bunting the ball all da way n still score on us...sighs...one ball was hit to me grounder but all of a sudden i didnt feel like stopping it wif my glove n just let it hit my shoe n stop it before picking it up to throw...god...at this rate im going to be causing my team their downfall sia...hope i dun need to play tml den against geylang methodlist sec...not in the mood to do so anyway...went to play basketball after the match wif jun zhi n den went late for tuition again...brought in chips to class to eat n went out two more times to go buy more stuff to eat n drink...lousy day n to top things off got very fed up wif the stupid msn virus causing me to be even unable to talk online...so sorri to those who were talking but i just couldnt reply thanks to the virus...

school today was a bloody drag...was tired n sick of it the whole day...did chinese compo den my teacher was not satisfied wif my number of words although i wrote close to 600...he want a thousand from me at least...sighs...have to push up on my standard liao like dis...during recess edmund n nicholas lee was going on bout some fight thingy while i was sitting there eating at the same table...everyone was trying to get a better view of it all but wad for??ate my food quickly den went to gym to do some weights to make myself feel better...did two sets of dropsets today before the bell rang but oddly didnt felt as tired as the day before when i onli did one set...hope i became stronger den...history lesson was quite slack wif jeremy wong talking about gay s*x at the starting of the lesson for like fifteen to twenty mins... 0.0" learn some new things bout gays n their behaviour today...nearly fell asleep during english n found out that my phone had problems turning on...arghh furstrating...using back my the other phone now although it still a lil crazy at times but wad to do...life is bad for me recently hope it gets better in the comming days...

unfortuante monday...

2005-03-28T02:59:00.000-08:00

AHhhhh helppp!!! ANYONE N I MEAN ANYONE who can save my com fro mthat irritating stupid msn virus please do so...dang it im going crazy wif the stupid messing up of my com...besely may need u to help reformat my com lei...help help...cant stand my com like dis anymore...

Jeez today was one heck of a start for the day...in da morning felix was talking to me during morning assembly den dennis koh have to walk to us...after that he ask me to go outside his office for my hair which he say is standing...i went there feeling a lil stupid as this is like my third time going...den after morning assembly he was saying bout how many times must he remind me bout my hair standing up n y am i not doing anything bout it...i was like thinking i didnt even do anything to my hair this morning n it still stand naturally wad do u expect me to do?? He den went into his office n took out a pair of sisscors n and asked me again how many times have he told me off for my hair...i told him two times den he just went not good enough n pull my hair n CUT MY HAIR wif the sisscors!!!WTH just like dat he took SIX SNIPS off my hair...the floor was full of my hair den he asked me to go toilet to wash my hair n report back...i went to the toilet but dunno wad in the world am i suppose to wash off den decided in the end just to wet my hair just to make sure he dun give me crap...but upon adding water my hair went even more spikier!!!i had to plaster it down before i can go n see him den after that he told me to report tml wif a proper hair cut...dat toot...arghh cut also dunno how 2 cut cut the right side shorter than the left...stupid now have to go get my hair repaired n cut even shorter...

After school went home straight away to go get a hair cut den when i reach the hair saloon i saw two marist there haha jude was there getting a haircut n a guy whom i see many times but still dunno his name -.- both were caught this morning too for their hair n it seems like such a coincidence that we all ended going to the same place to cut hair haha!anyway i went to get my hair cut den now its so short liao ahhh...dunno how ppl are going to react wif my haircut sia...a lil sad dat my hair is now so short (k maybe very la...) but cheered up after recieveing some sketches done by sochenda which cheered me up...thanks a lot =) tml shall go back n report to d.k n if dis time he still can find problem wif my hair...most prob write letter complain liao :D

update...

2005-03-27T19:17:00.000-08:00

k k update update...i have been busy these few days plus recently my internet has been down so cant update too...shall just update the lil intersting things that happened..thurday have softball match..first of the nationals...we played against woodlands rings secondary n won...made it to the top fifteen for selection n got to play...few frens went to watch the match n coach have to come up wif some crap nonsense bout bringing fan club n playing lousy...didnt realli perform very well on thursday but also didnt realli do too badly...guess like its just 50-50 den...disliked the opp team because of some comments they made bout my frens n got angry but come to think about it now...sometimes i wonder do i realli have the rights to be??after all they r just frens n i dun think i have the right to be angry cause of some comments made at dem...some thinking will have to be done again...sighs...

Friday went to temple to pray to my grandfather n dead relatives...boring day came back spend most of the time sleeping..nothin much...

Saturday went out wif ah ter,randall,besely,nick n amanda go watch movie...was suppose to meet at two thirty at city hall but dey change to three thirty den i spent the time going to padang to watch the c boys match while waiting cause i last min heard from jia yang that coach say its compulsory to go n watch..teachnically i did went to watch but i sat down like for onli fifteen mins into the game n left...met n went to country mana (dunno is it like dis spelled..) to eat n ah ter treated me sia BIG THANKS to haha =D we spent quite a while eating den after that walked about aimlessly n met up wif amanda...we went to coffee bean to sit down n talked for quite a while...stupid amanda keep whacking me sia when i tried to help her...this is call hao xing mei hao bao...went to watch the show after that n ah ter made me sit next to him sia so he can try to scare me... -.- the show was not that scary n have lots of funny part in it...i recommend it for those that dun realli like those super scary shows but want to see for thrill onli..ppl like jun zhi n meryl should go n watch eh =P went home after the show wif amanda while the rest of dem went to bk to eat...dats more or less the end of saturday...

today was just another day for me...went out wif sochenda,jia wei n wei xuan whom i just met today...we throw ball played a lil arcade n dats all...saw the futsal thingy which is some soccer tournament...come home den going to do my maths hols assignment or tml chan is going to come after me again...haiz..next match for nationals r on tuesday against monfort n we have to go all da way to their school to play...sickening...well hope for all da best in the next match cause dun want to hear another lecture n scolding from coach bout how we r the lousiest batch he ever coached...life is unfair in many a times...u dun normally get back wad u put in...but recieve a twist instead...

tiring day...

2005-03-23T18:02:00.000-08:00

Sighs...today has been one tiring day for me...dunno y (k maybe i do but nvm..) whole day feeling very lathargic n tired..keep wanting to sleep but had to force myself to stay awake...bugger...ahh n to make things worse i have to end at four...dang it man...struggling to stay awake the whole day...

Add on the fact that i had to rush on my holiday assignments throughout the whole day or else i have to stay back even later...i know dis is not the teachers's fault but cant help feeling very pissed off as i was already feeling in a crappy mood for having to struggle against sleep...rushed english like hell but in the end i still left one letter writing not done yet...damn...mrs chan never come so have one free period in the morning which instead of using for me to sleep i have to do my work... -.-

Have a feeling dis is gonna be like one of those days that everything just sucks...friday is gonna be the last holiday until the june hols...ahhh things r just going bad for me...tml is the softball nationals...it will be at kallang where we will vs woodlands ring sec....it will be the day where i will find out if im gonna be good enough to make it enough into the top fifteen n get a chance to play...if i dun...i have a very very STRONG feeling dat i will most prob quit then...after all wads the point of remaining in the team during my last year if i cannot even get to play in the most important game...shall leave it to fate then...tired now...think i will go n take a nap den...

={tired,weary,exhausted,spent,..yawnz...}=

SiCKenning VIRUS!!!

2005-03-21T17:40:00.000-08:00

Oh man this was all a good day for me today until i came home n find my msn still having problem ahhhh!!!stupid ppl who come out wif virus to infect ppl coms should just lie down on the road n let the vehicles run u down!!!man i hate ppl like those n dat = u too besely!!! if i find out that ur behind dis...ur gonna be so dead man...arghhh...bloddy hell...my good mood was disrupted thanks to this nonsense...bleahz...

Ahh nvm den shall not spoil my mood because of dumb stuffs like dat...oh i found back my black notebook today when i came home ^_^ finally after searching for it throughout the whole house for l;ike one week!!!Haha the drawings in it r still intact..especially one done by someone special =) shall take good care to look after it n not misplace it anymore liao...time for me to paste others drawing in it including those i did in school today when i was bored...haha theres one of ah ter n one dat looks like randall but i wont say which one :P

Yikes timetable change again..sighs..just when i got the hang of the old one then new one just have to pop up...messing up everthing again...doh...today durign english dunno y had to do the same summary again although we told chong chong dat we did before she kinda dun believe us den we had to do it again -.-" pengz...chinese was fun though talk lots of crap n learnt some new stuffs haha i think its my fav lesson sia... =D

k la dun write so long..today den found out that my post normally very long one den quite sianz to scroll down n look all so guess shall stop here n go do my english hols assignemnt that i haven even touch one bit yet...sighs...work work...

POst...

2005-03-19T19:00:00.000-08:00

Bloggy bloggy...ahhh firstly stupid msn got some virus problem thingy ba..crap man so stupid...the march hols seems to pass by in a blur n now its almost over...looking back at my holiday it seems like it was onli yesterdae dat school ended and the holiday just started...realised that out of the nine days of the hols five days are spent on softball...dats practically more than half of my hols spent on it but come to think of it i still look forward to softball now...wierd..last time used to dislike going for training but now am actually looking forward to it 0.0" muz be something wrong wif me...or maybe its just that i finally get to play in competition after so long since north zone has ended...the last match we played was against First Toa Payoh where we lost in a score of 2-0 it was a very good game where for the first time in a very long time did the marist team fielded so well...the opponents were better by a bit n hence we lost...but nevertheless it was an intresting n intense match...i played onli in the last inning where i fielded once n bat once...caught a infield/foulball pop fly n got one person out ^_^ cant say much for batting cause i was given a walk by the pitcher after he gave three balls...after the game went to play lan after a long period of not playing...found out that my lan gamming skills have now reached the pits ahh after not playing for such a long time but nvm dun realli care...stupid lan shop com realli stinks man keep having error while i was playing...made me so pissed off that i just stopped playing after a while den i went to play arcade while waiting for the rest to finnish up their game...played daytona by myself n raced but beacuse of my lousy use n control of the turbo came in 12/40 -.- darn...den went to play at a machine where got the old game thingy where got the anicent chinese heroes thingy...i got conned by the machine after it cheated me out of one token den i decided not to play that n went back to daytona...this time jy joined me after he got sick of cs n we raced in the advanced track...i forget that there was turbo at first until i saw jy use it n took off so fast at the starting...the race was very intersting as i never realli tried advance course wif turbo...it ended up wif me winning in the end though cause jy cannot control the turbo even more than me =D

Went home after that although we were suppose to go to jason's house to swim but all too lazy to go all da way there..slept a while n slack a bit den the day ended just like dat !_! dis come to show dat time is acutally passing so fast dat most of the time we are not even aware of it...

The day before i had training den after that went to KFC to eat...learn how to mix 1/4 of pepsi n 3/4 of mountain dew to form a nice drink =) after eating sat n talk for a while wif jason they all n talk bout all sorts of silly nonsense...after that went to paradigm to play pool wif jy...it has been a long time since the last time i played pool like around 2 months plus hence it took me a while before i got the hang of it again...we played for an hour plus before going off...its nice to play pool once a while to unwind urself as long as u dun be too obssessed wif it can liao...i spent that whole day thinking of a particular person whom i missed n cant get off my mind but i wont say who...its quite personal though...missing a person n having the person on ur mind the whole day is quite an experience for me...never had this sort of feeling but it aint dat bad realli...it can make the longing to meet the person stronger n now im looking forward to seeing the person again more...the previous day i had a great time wif the person watched a korean show in da morning wif the person n went to swensen at noon before going back to cdc in da afternoon...it wasnt the activites or the place we went but its the time spent that brings about the happiness that i felt...wished can have more chance to do so again... =] even if there is no such thing as perfect happiness but i felt that i had almost reached it after spending the day together n having fun...shall go n recollect the happy memories of the day now... :)

sunday oF march hols...

2005-03-13T21:03:00.000-08:00

Haiz have to blogg cause panda keep pestering sia...say that she nothing to do then ask me to blogg so she can read... @,@ pengz...hmmm recently have been kept a lil busy wif softball thanks to the SRC competition...played against anglican high yesterdae n we won wif ease...they dun even have enough ppl to actually play n we even had to "lend" them our vice captain to the other side so that they can have enough ppl to play.. -.- yesterdae was my first match in like one year's time then finally get my chance to play after keep being banned from competition from my coach due to some dumb issues...the match was so stupid man...no ball or plays were made to me n i totally did NOTHING during the fielding...during batting my first hit was a total crap ball after not batting pitch ball for like one year..it waS a in field pop fly easy out...wa...felt super dumb for that sort of shitty hit sia...the other two times went up to bat was given two walks...-.- cannot have a chance to bat sia...even wif the two walks i still was unable to made it home...dumb game...for me...
Oh ya went to SRC club wif jz in da morning...went to his house first then have to wait like one hour before finally get going...that slow poke taking forever to get ready one...then we went swimming after his father sign me in as guest then we went down to the underground swimmin pool which was quite cool cause like dis wont get dark while swimming =D then went to suana,jacuzzi,steam bath then last but not least the hot n cold pool...man the hot pool was super hot at first...when i put my feet into the water i was like AHHH!!!! hot hot but it took me like five mins for me to finally get use to it then went into the water which still is hot sia... but after like another five mins finally get used to it then it became very relaxing...then jz had to say go try the cold pool then i went..place my feet in at first then OMG it was super freezing sia...it took me even longer for me to get used to the coldness then i venture into the water...i was still shaking from the cold in the water then jun zhi come n dare me to stay in the water for 1 min which i did haha =p den he had to challenge say who can remain in the cold pool longest then loser have to buy drink...spent like 15 mins in the cold pool n boy was that the coldest experience ever...teeth were chattering n both arms n feet were losing feeling...had to keep moving my body in the water like mad to try to generate heat...won jz in the end even though he cheated all along he didnt even go totally into the water that toot...
We went for lunch after that supposedly jia yang also go one but that dodo just ate his breakfast when i called him then we went ahead...hehe found out so much intersting stuff between jz n a certain M person sia haha =p looks like things are getting more n more fun now that i know wads going on haha =D
K ba enough of yesterday then...today had another match vs Yu Ying sec..we lost i think 9-6 ahhh...i was put to play at the last batting then i made a safe hit but messed up on my base running then coach say wont put me in the nationals...wa piangz...one mistake is all it takes...damn it...was damn pissed after the match then somebody threw jy glove at my head when i not looking dunno who it was but i flared up n threw the glove down n !#$%^*& the coward who threw never admitted so i dunno who it was...amanda n mana kwans was suppose to be watching the match but found out that mana kwans was way late today..then amanda say padang too many ppl cannot find then when to raffles city walk about wif her cousin.. -.-
Then found out that my bottle had a leak or something then the water filled up my bag n my phone was swimming in it when i open my bag !!! ahhh hell unlucky man had to take out my phone to dry then ended up my phone got some problem keep hanging n going crazy...cannot msg or call anyone till like evening then my phone became better...went to watch movie wif kwans n amanda on the way walking got this driver nearly knock amanda down n she still so blur sia...had to call out to her then i kena knock by jy bat in the process n hurting my ankle sia... -.- good lor she never say thanks or wad one...den still say where got...den kwans was saying want to watch son of the mask but amanda say wana watch boogeyman...end up both shows very late then we went to watch robots..haha the show was funny n nice i would give it a 9/10 as the funny parts are realli nice like the part jazz+funk = junk when the father robot was playing the instrument...went home after watching the show then now blogging this down cause being pestered to do so one...although my day wasnt realli swelling or wad but im still happy cause tmr will be going out n dats all dat matter =)

ahhh im sick....

2005-03-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

Ahhh darn today wasnt realli one of my best day sia...lessons were ok...during P.E played floorball n im happy to say that i scored one goal hahaha ^_^ making the score 5-2 but i believe thats the onli happy thing of the whole day...during recess wanted to go gym but the gym door got problem cannot open... T_T waa...last day before school close then like dat also cannot do one last training sia...guess like have to go home n use the weights thingy felix lend me ba...haiz....i went to eat one drumstick n drink two packet of cold milo n the next thing i know i had a super stomachache sia...i think its because i drank cold drinks right after excercising or something like dat...
Wa piangz...sit in the toilet for more than an hour from recess till almost the end of chinese lesson...ahhhh stomach was super excruciating painful sia...after comming out of the toilet felt faint n weak...didnt take my chinese test cause of that...was suppose to be going for the flag day thingy but after i paired up wif ming yi to do n left the school compound i felt even more sick...had a fever n a splitting headache...couldnt take it anymore then i pass him my stuffs then i went home to rest...god man i think i know how the feeling of fainting feels like...almost fainted on my way home...everything just went blury all of a sudden n the whole body like just shutdown like dat...had to cling on to the pillar for support to make it home...took the lift instead as i was unable to even walk straight so cant take the stairs...i went straight to bed then slept for like an hour plus...woke up still wif a lil headache but felt better...
phew cant afford to fall sick at this timeing...tml theres a match against anglican high ( i think its spelled this wad dun realli know ;p) first time we will be facing them...finally the north zone was over...the time for me to be able to play has finally come...coach say he will put all to play in the src tournament n he say that due to the dissapointing performance by those in the fifteen of the north zone yesterday when they lost to orchid park sec by i think a score of 14-4 n commin in third place for north zone which is bad cause the year before we was champion then last year second then now third...going downwards liao....anyway...coach say that me,jun zhi n jason r comfirmed in the top fifteen for the nationals i think...or something like dat yay!!but if i blew my chance during the src tournament i have a feeling he will take back his words...ahhh pressure on me to perform has never been higher....my last year playing softball for maris stella...have to do it in a bang...dun want to waste my years in the team if i cant play...had to give my best shot in it although after close to like a year of not playing in competition im getting a lil rusty liao...ahhh have to now force myself to be at my peak performance as i also want to try to make it into combine school team...the onli way is to play well n be selected but if i messed up n is not being to be put to play then....sighs....pray that i dun make dumb mistake ba...amanda say she wanna go watch the match cause she never see before a softball match but i dun think she will want to go tml as the match is quite late at 4 plus...allester n randall also say they wanna go watch match but is next week matches...
hmmm didnt realli slept well last nite...thinking n thinking bout things...sometimes i feel insecure n dunno wad to do as it will seem like choosing which way is still wrong...maybe im thinking too much n should just focus on wads at hand...maybe by not planning n all there might be bliss in the ignorance...sometimes i feel that the higher hopes i place i always ended up being disappointed even more...i have went through lots of disappointments in my relatively short life...but had managed to overcome them...hope that dis time it will be the same for me if im realli being made to be dissapointed again...wad i can do now is onli hope n pray for the ending to be wad i wish for...used to believe in such things as a happy ending...dunno if i still do now...will give it one more shot in believing in a happy ending then...if the result is not then i guesss there realli aint such things as a happy ending but i will be keeping my fingers cross n praying there is...i have been asked wad love is...wad realli is love then??my defination of loving one person might differ but i think that the main point of love is still the same and its realli hard to describe it...its more of a feeling type thing...u have to trust ur gut instincts on it...when the time comes u will know ur in love....relationships that r built up on love has to be a two sided love...it will never work out if its one sided...if its realli a one sided than i would consider it more of a infatuartion than love...heard advice from many ppl bout love...such as its easy to be loved than to love somebody especially if u cant show ur love for the person due to certain cirumstances...or that love is not something that can be build up over one day...loving a person may be filled wif obstacles but i believe that as long as the obstacles can be overcome true love can be found...some ppl say that im stupid for making a choice so fast...or that y make myself wait for a love that might change due to time but i disagree....its worth to do anything for the one u love even if the response u get might not be the response u might be looking for...time shall be the test of my love then...if it has to be this way so shall it be then...even if at the end i might face rejection at least the problem doesnt lie in me for not being devoted to love...to the person whom i love although i dun think ur ready for it...i will show that im serious bout u n that ur the one person for me n no other ppl will take the place...u might have changed feelings for me by then but i believe that by trying it out it will be fair to both sides...so i guess i will be waiting for the result at the end of this year then...but life has already been good to me by letting me meet n know someone like u...i wont hold it against u or anyone i promise if things dun work out the way planned...

To the world u might be just one person....
But to me ur the world....

hehe happy day today dunno y...

2005-03-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

haha today was feeling happy throughout the day :) the feeling kept me through the day n yup its a nice feeling =D today had english in da morning doing some essay bout something that u can invent that will prove beneficial to the user n stuff like dat...couldnt realli think of something good to write so kinda used chong chong's idea bout the cleaning air thingy haha =p during recess hahha got show to see sia !_! there was this incident about felix throwing the plate of food at a sec 3 guy cause that guy refuse to move out of felix's class table @<@ wahahaha interesting sia...
after that there was another commotion bout jer ow n jonas dat stupid sec 3 guy...it seems like jer ow is using kevin as an excuse to pick a fight wif him n haha was it fun to watch man...wanted to join in n get at the jonas clown cause he super kuai lan one...he go around bullying ppl who r smaller than him n then come n give crap reasons...like the time jacob was sitting next to me n jonas came up to him n ask him to lend him money...jacob didnt want to lend him so when jacob was eating he went by n smack him at the back of his head!!!man this sort of ass clown come and hit their seniors because jacob is small size n cause he dun want to lend him money?! man if he ever try that on me i swear that im gonna beat the crap out of him no matter wad sia...so anyway i just went there to watch the happening n man there was a super thick crowd surrounding them n i had to climb up the railings by the side of the canteen just to see wad is happening...it seems like after jer ow was done talking he hit the stupid jonas or something like dat cant realli see but from wad i heard the jonas guy ran n was hugging the pillar or something just to get away from ow hahhaha...all the things were just about to get better then stupid MR.HE have to come n break everything up...awww....wanted so much to see that jonas to get whacked up...hes a disgrace to npcc man n after telling his seniors bout wad he did they didnt punnish him or wad so i guess the use of force in this incident is well deservered :)
went to gym then saw a whole bunch of ppl training there..looking at them all being able to lift n do so much heavy things wa mke me wanana train even more sia...must train everyday now cannot afford to lose out to them must make myself stronger cause onli the strong get respected no room for weakness....after recess had history then chinese...during chinese there was a test but to my horror i found out that i studies the wrong chapter!!!!! it was suppose to be chapter ten but i did eleven then ended up my whole paper totally all wrong omg...from conseqecutive full marks to ZERO!!!! nvm la...blame no one for my mistake i can onli blame myself for being so careless...luckily man today the chinese teacher read out some names of the ppl who constanly fail then i was worried that i will be called up cause i got zero but luckily he got see my previous tests all scoring full marks then never call me phew...
after school was suppose to go for softball competition against monfort but since im gonna be on bench anyway throughout the north zone so i didnt go for today's match due to my stommachache =P hehe went home then came online jsut to be bugged by panda to blogg so here i am.... hahha took this lines from her but modify it for my own use muahahha :

I wont fall for a girl who loves me...
But i will fall for a girl who makes me love her...

MUAHAHAHHAA DUN CARE :P

lousy training...

2005-03-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

Bleah todays's training is one lousy one...went to training late this morning suppose to be there by 8.30 but reached there at 8.40 but luckily coach haven come so yea :P tupid jz asked me to wait for him at central then go but made me wait until i sianz then call him somemore dun pick up so i went by myself haha he ended up late luckily i didnt wait for him or i will also kena dragged down sia...crazzee man that nicholas warm up onli then he made us run three BIG rounds!!! my whole body was already aching n tired from yesterdae's going to gym to lift those dumb weights during P.E ahhh falling off...finally get the chance to bat after one month n two weeks then when its my turn to be able to do pitch batting coach have to take me out so that i can umpire the c balls vs nan hua b gals match -.-" wa pengz....
the whole match went badly for the c boys n they lost 9-1 sighs...not because i help the other side or wad but they realli did made errors that cost them the game..hope they will buck up or i cant see them even winning the north zone...have a match on monday vs monfort but haiz still is in north zone so i cant play...can onli go there warm benches nia...must work hard now sia make sure i can be able to play in the national after all this is my last year in the team so make the best out of it then...crapped coach got angry at the b boys for not dragging the field properly then made all run twenty rounds...dang man i wasnt even batting in that field i was umpiring the match but because i was considered b boys so have to run... -.-" ran nine rounds then coach say the rest run on monday kaoz...so totall ran twelve rounds at the kallang field today...
after training my whole body was aching even worse...my body wont respond to my mind sia..even the basic stuffs of picking up my shoes i also have a hard time conveying the msg to my hands n picking it up sia...now my two arms feel like lead are tied to them...went to kfc to eat lunch was super hungry as i didnt eat breakfast then went for training...met sochenda there she was wif her family there the mum seems like a nice person but the dad looks strict sia...reminds me of some school principal or something haha...me n jy made our orders together n had a four piece chicken meal plus another two piece chicken meal!!! we saved 4 gold in the process but was too stuffed in the end...i ate three whipped potato n two piece chicken the last piece cannot finnish sia...was aso full that me n jy even had trouble standing up haha...slept on the bus on my way home then blogg this down when i reach home before i go to sleep juz so tired... Z.z...

postee..

2005-03-02T20:06:00.000-08:00

wednesday...another school day...haiz..so sianz but wad to do being a student have to go school wad...woke up dis morning waa super shiok weather to sleep sia Z.z but unfortunately have to go iron my clothes then get ready to go school...sob sob sad life when it finally rain in the morning it has to be on a school day T_T pengz...on my way to school it was drizzling so have to make my way there getting a lil wet...but nvm bout the wet just that y must it be so nice to have sleeping weather at all times but this...nearly overshot the bustop on my way to school cause i was taking forty winks on the bus...when i woke up it the bus was already at the school stop then had to hurry up...accidentally bang into this cedarian n dropped her stuff in my hurry..ahhh so paiseh....then help her pick up before rushing for the door...
wanted to go class n sleep but sigh cause got 3 test today ended up having to study a lil instead...during mornin assembly nearly fell asleep while standing!!!! ahhh wad a sleepy day it was...took my emaths test rite after that but when i saw the paper sigh...knew it is gonna be a hard one sia...did all i could then plop down on the table n snooze....after that was chinese where got letter writting test ahhh....did my paper very fast then fell asleep haha realli very tired in da morning maybe cause got excellant sleeping conditions =P found out that i got minus two marks cause my format got some stupid careless mistake... -.- then chinese teacher went around predicting wad our class will get for o lvl...when he reached my turn i asked him not to say anything then he realli never say haha @_@ geog was a lil boring as usual then went for recess after that...
Oh man stupid counciller tried to stop me from jumping queue by pulling on my shoulder...dat stupid clown so wad if hes a counciller dat doesnt give him the right to pull ppl like dat lor...got pissed at him n stared at him then dare him to do something about it...as i thought dat guy all talk no show one then in the end i lazy buy so just ask gary to help buy...
after recess was bio but was super sleepy then..mr teo thought i was talking to jia yang at the back while he was teaching then he made me sit in the front of the class... -.- i was having a super hard time keeping myself awake when i was at the front then finally struggled through the lesson just to go take history test...history test was ok i think....after lunch break went through another one n a half hour of boring english lesson...finally dismiss then went wif felix to marine parade library...
sianz today was such a boring dull day dun even know y i bother blogging all dis down...must be so sian until like dat...for once tml no test yay so got time haha...but tml got match n as usual have to be on bench again...wish the north zone will quickly end sick of being on bench all da time...haiz...think i will go try find myself something to do...so bored now...

emotiOns..

2005-02-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

Arghh dunno wads wrong wif me lately...have become very emotional n wierd recently...everyone is experiencing some bad luck wif stuffs that went wrong n all..(maybe other than ja that lucky boi.. ;p)looking around me i see frens that have problems wif their lifes n relationship dunno y but all this happened on after another !_! wierd man...i wonder if my whole class r soon gonna all be caught up in it judging by the way the problems spread one after another at such a fast rate..today this person two days later another one also...stuffs like dis r so gay man screwing up ppl lives...wad is wrong wif the world or izzit just me ?_?

went out wif amanda,allester,besely,randall n nick to watch white noise...before the show early morning went to kallang for training although didnt realli felt like training...just when i was half way walking from the tennis court to the training ground it started to rain like hell...geez wad a super bad timeing crapped up when ur out in the open halfway in between the training ground n shelther...i dashed all da way to the training ground which is like 300m away n got myself all wet... -.- man i was wishing it would rain n training be cancelled but not rain when i was walking in the open sia...CHio bu y called me then i tell him training was cancelled due to the rain then he ask wanna go PS eat breakfast so i was like anything then..met him at the bustop after running out there n getting myself wet again a lil stupid come to think of it but nvm...ks was wif me too then we went to mac to eat then me n jy wanted to go paradigm play pool but ks dont want so he went home...when we reached paradigm found out that it opens at eleven n it was onli ten at the time so decieded to go home in the end..

Reached home slack a lil waste a lil more time then bathe n get ready to meet the rest to watch movie...met amanda at mrt then sit all the way to dobby ghaut (not sure is it spelled like dis :P) of all luck MET JA AT PS!!!! OMG EVERY SAT GO OUT Y KEEP SEEING HIM!!!!! jeesh i was sure i will recieve my normal dose of bad luck after seeing him again like the previous sat also hiaz...we went to fish n co to find the rest then found out allester was late tsk tsk...ah ter ah ter make all wait for u eh...went up to paradigm to see if got table but sadly so unlucky wif ja around the whole place booked solid...then me n amanda followed him all da way to cinneleisure so that he can see his gf there a lil dumb but ya we got time to waste anyway so went there then went back to fish n co after he talked to his gf for a while...on da way back nick called then say no more seats for the four twenty five show @.@ ahhh i knew it seeing ja will bring me bad luck on saturdays...must carry lucky charms the next time i go out on saturday n pray that i dun see him anymore =p met up wif the rest n decieded to watch the six plus show...we then walked about wasting time for like 2hours sia n went to arcade to play a lil...amanda was a lil sad after some incident thingy then tried to make her feel better but dunno how lei so just let her win the daytona thing lor :P (see i let u one hehe =P) after that had some major problem wif the sitting thingy n ended up wif one side four ppl the other two...stupid randall never go n check properly before getting the tickets...ended up him n allester the two while the rest of us sit together...

Oh man sitting next to amanda was a bad choice man the everyone didnt find the show that scary n all but thanks to her fears n all i kena infected as well n was tensed throughout the whole show bleahz...my fingers hurt from clenching them so tight thats the extent of how tensed...but lookin at the way amanda watch the show was pretty funny too she covered her face wif her hand then peek through the cracks to watch the show whenever show the scary part...felt damn foolish when the rest of the guys all claimed the show was not scary then i was the onli one who kena...wa piangz next time watch horror shows must choose the rite ppl liao or not fun one...after the show went walking n cause amanda say she dun wanna go home all of us minus allester who went home by his dad car walked again from PS to hereen...halfway there felt stupid n turned back n headed to summerset mrt to go home..randall n nick went off in cab good lor never give ride sia then me besely n amanda sit mrt...besley was doing this wierd thingy rubbing his ezlink card n praying that i will work @_@!! a lil wierd also man...caught the train after we went down at the last moment before the door closed phew...then went home through train all da way...

talk to a person through sms n found out that some jerk was bothering her...after hearing bout the jerk felt angry n pissed but wonder do i have the right to be?...felt quite upset when my feelings was doubted but nvm everything just sort of went back to normal...sometimes i realli realli wished that in life the right choice will just be layed out to u n all u need to do is to follow it n not wonder if wad u did was wrong...have i been wrong im not sure...but i wont know until the result is out...till then can onli keep on praying hopeing n may god have pity on lil poor me n just give me the strength to carry on wif life...i have been felling differant not moody..not depressed..but just this wierd feeling...dun like the feeling...in fact hate the feelin...felt like im being judged or something...teachers judged my behaviour n studies n some say im a good boy while others say im just a bad boy n totally just diss me...not performing well in sports softball was crappy basketball lousy felt that there was not much that i am realli good in come to think of it so now searching for wad im good in for without something that ur good in life is quite empty...have i changed?? i believe i did but for the good or worse im not sure of it myself..life still goes on for me...it always have n will shall do so still...